Life After Near Death
by Wild Rhov
Summary: Gray nearly dies in battle. Although Natsu saves his life, Gray is left severely handicapped and may never walk again. Now Gray despises Natsu, feeling weak and indebted, while the Dragon Slayer is confused with why he feels possessive over Gray. The team falls apart as both deal with intense feelings of regret, shame, desire, and both physical and emotional agony.
1. Gray's Blood, Natsu's Tears

_Disclaimer: Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima. This fanfic has spoilers for Chapter 394._

_._

**Life After Near Death**

a _Fairy Tail _fanfic

by Rhov

.

_"Nothing can happen more beautiful than death."  
>― Walt Whitman<em>

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

**Gray's Blood, Natsu's Tears**

Natsu walked into the guild hall and glanced around. He was looking for someone naked, so he almost did not recognize Gray sitting at the bar with his white coat on.

"Yo, droopy-eyes! Time to go. Erza's already waiting at the train station." Natsu smirked and folded his arms. "Were you waiting for me, ice princess?"

Gray finished his drink and turned around to face the Dragon Slayer. "So what if I was?"

"You lookin' for a fight, one last duel before Erza makes us play nice?"

Gray laughed softly and shook his head. "She'll know we've been fighting again. She always does."

Natsu's eyes narrowed. "Are you running away from me, snowflake?"

Gray gave the Dragon Slayer a tiny smile. "You know I'd beat you."

"Like hell you would!"

Gray walked up to him and gazed down into those narrow eyes. "When we come back, I'll kick your ass so hard, I'll be tickling the inside of your belly button with my toes."

"Oh yeah! Well, I'll kick your ass so hard, you'll have to strip your shirt off just to take a shit!"

"I'll freeze you so thoroughly, you'll be pissing ice cream!"

"I'll burn you to such a crisp, they'll have to…"

"Hey!" Laxus snapped at both of them. "Are you two gonna annoy us with your arguing, or are you gonna get the hell out of here so you don't piss off Erza?" He settled back with his drink. "Stupid kids."

Natsu bristled at that. "Who are you calling stupid, you…"

Gray yanked Natsu by the scarf, choking off his insult before Laxus fried them both. He roughly pulled the Fire Dragon Slayer out of the guild. "Let's go, idiot."

"I'm not an idiot, asshole!" Together, insulting one another the whole way, the two left the guild hall.

Mira chuckled as she watched them leave on their mission. "They argue all the time, but don't you think Natsu and Gray make good friends?"

Laxus arched an eyebrow at her. "Have you been taking sips of the cooking wine again, Mira? The two are ready to kill one another."

"They act that way," she said with a wink, "but I think, when push comes to shove, they really would do anything for one another."

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><p>Their seemingly-simply mission had quickly turned into a disaster. Gray saw Lucy down already, and Wendy was kneeling beside her, attending what appeared to be a severely broken arm. Loke was out and fighting to protect her while Wendy did what she could for Lucy. Erza was nowhere in sight, off fighting what they assumed was the leader of this dark guild. Gray felt occasional bursts of heat, so he knew Natsu was in the area.<p>

The enemy before Gray was a tiny old man, and he had been a fool to think such an ancient person would be frail. He had held back his hits out of a sense of respect, and that cost him, badly!

It … hurt.

No. He had been in pain before. Pain was something he was used to. He had been hit, kicked, stabbed, set on fire, and smashed so many times, pain was common. This … this was different. It was much worse.

Just breathing was a struggle. His vision threatened to black out. His leg … dear God, he wondered if he still had a leg. He couldn't feel anything!

When he looked down, the leg was still there, barely. He had magically frozen the wound almost as soon as it hit, knowing that something so bad must have hit at least an artery. As he took a moment to really look, the gash the enemy left showed him that this was not the sort of wound he could walk off. The enemy's shot had hit it directly. Skin and muscle were torn down to the bone, and it looked like maybe some of the femur was taken out as well. Most of his leg was … gone. Just gone. Blasted away. His pants were saturated in blood, and the ground under Gray was slick with shiny redness.

The leg was useless. Still, he had trapped the leg in ice to stop the bleeding and hopefully protect the exposed muscle and hint of bone. This was not the sort of injury one recovered from in a week or two. Gray hissed a curse as he realized that a wound like this could disable him for life.

No more missions, or not fighting ones, anyway.

The thought numbed him. He could not even conceive the idea that his days of fighting might be over.

"Gray!" Natsu shrieked, his voice cracking in horror.

Struggling with consciousness, Gray lifted his eyes, staring into the sadistic grin of his enemy. The old wizard was preparing another one of those fatal blasts, and this time Gray could not leap out of the way. If he moved his leg at all, he very likely might snap the shattered remaining bone. Besides, he could feel nothing below his thigh. He was stuck there, standing only because he could balance on the leg that was now a useless, numbed lump.

He saw the dark magic circle, watched the blast build up, and passively stared as a sparking black orb of magic propelled itself toward him. He had one chance at shielding himself. Normal ice did not work; he learned that the hard way. He dug down deep for all the magic he could muster.

"Ice Devil's Instantaneous Freeze!"

He tried to stop the oncoming black orb, but he felt his magic build, only to sputter. He had lost so much blood, he could not tap into his Second Origin anymore. He was too weak to pull off something as powerful as his Demon Slayer magic. The blast crackled with only a little ice, which stopped it from piercing, but it still slammed hard into Gray's shoulder, throwing him off balance.

"Shit!" he shouted as bones crunched in his shoulder and collar. His arm hung limply. He could feel nothing in his left arm. Hardly waiting, the old wizard powered up another black orb.

"Graaaay!"

_'So, this is how it ends. Well that sucks!'_

Gray was not going to close his eyes and wait for it. He stared Death in the face, steeled and ready. He felt oddly calm as he kept his eyes on the enemy. He would die fighting. That was good. He just wished he could die _after_ defeating the asshole.

"Get out of my way! Gray! Graaay!"

The black orb of magic flew through the air toward him.

_'My stomach. It'll take out intestines, gall bladder, probably a portion of my liver. It'll miss the spine, though. Dammit, it'll be a slow death. Why couldn't he aim for the chest? Make it quick.'_

He watched as if in slow motion as the black orb came closer and closer. He already knew it was in vain—many of those black orbs had shattered his ice already, but he still tried desperately to shield himself. He made the thickest ice shield he could muster on his dwindling magic, but the orb smashed it like a pane of glass. Blackness slammed into his gut. He felt skin burn away, muscles tearing apart, and then just a sickening pressure in his inner body, where there were no nerves. Not pain there, just pressure. Then burning again out the back as the orb of magic exited with a splash of blood. A clean shot, straight through his body. It was so clean, so quick, Gray was still left standing.

He looked down, too stunned to speak or cry. There was a hole in his gut big enough to stick a fist through, with blood vessels and entrails dangling down. His mind felt totally blank as he watched blood gushing out.

Odd how much blood was in the human body.

"_Graaaaaaaaaaay!_"

One more shot pierced his body, this one aimed high, hitting his right chest. Again, not the left, not his heart, but something that would draw out his death. This old wizard was plain sadistic, hitting him like this. Gray felt air and blood gush out his mouth in a violent cough.

Another.

Another.

He no longer even felt the shots riddling his body with holes. His brain shut down all sensations of pain. Pain was everywhere. The brain did not need to know that there were more places that hurt.

"Oh God, no. _Gray!_"

Slowly, he fell backwards, like drifting on a cloud. His head landed on cool grass, and he looked up into a calm blue sky.

If only the world could be so peaceful.

Suddenly, there were flames all around him.

_'Dammit, am I going to hell?'_

However, as he looked up, he saw Natsu standing protectively over him. The Fire Dragon Slayer's face was more grim than Gray had ever seen. He was seething in fury. Those sharp eyes gleamed in the haze of fiery heat and reflected golden sparks of lightning. The scales of Dragon Force marked his skin, and his fists were clenched so tightly, the veins all up his arms stood out.

Deeply, dangerously, Natsu sneered at the enemy. "I'll fucking kill you!"

Then the heat moved away. Natsu pounced at the enemy, but Gray shut his eyes. He knew what Natsu's fights looked like. Besides, he really did not want to see the Dragon Slayer beat an enemy who defeated him. That was the ultimate insult.

He heard screams and roaring shouts as flames heated the area around him. Then Natsu was pushed back in the fight and stepped right on top of Gray's hand.

"Ow," he muttered, although considering all the rest of the agony wracking over his riddled body, the sandal standing on his fingers was hardly anything. It was an instinctual "ow" rather than one of true pain. Gray laughed weakly. Even his death was being screwed up by the destructive Dragon Slayer.

Then he smelled something sickening. Burning flesh! Gray forced his eyes open to see the enemy engulfed in flames. It was hardly surprising that Natsu would not pull his punches even against an old man. The boy had no concept of holding back!

Blackness welcomed Gray like gentle arms that caressed the pain away. It felt so sweet, sinking into those arms, away from the noise and agony. It was peaceful … just to sink…

Hands grabbed Gray up by the shoulders and shook him. That hurt! He wished Natsu would just let him lie there peacefully until the end. The view of serene sky was replaced by those sage-green eyes, no longer fierce, but filled with tears of terror.

"Gray! Oh … oh my God! No … please, no. _Gray!_" he shrieked.

"I … hear you … fine," Gray sputtered out. He hated the coppery taste of blood in his mouth.

"Hold on, Gray. Just … just don't die. Please, don't die." Natsu's face was torn at the sight of Gray with such a massive hole through him. "Oh my God," he sobbed. "Wendy! _Wendy!_" he screeched.

Gray felt himself shivering. His breaths came in jolts. One lung was gone. He kept choking on the blood gurgling up from the collapsed lung to his throat. Dammit, death took way too long.

"Gonna … go." Gray really had no clue what he was even saying anymore. Blackness swamped his vision. "So … c-cold."

"No…" Natsu sobbed over him. "Please, no. Don't."

"Gray!" That was Wendy's voice. "Let him go, Natsu. Lay him down gently. I … I'll try…" She gasped suddenly with a squeak. "Oh no!" Even her voice was frail with horror.

"Na- … -tsu." Gray had one thing he wanted to say. The darkness was swallowing him, but he tried to get the words out. "I … c- … I c- … ca- … luh … _ugh!_" He felt tears in his eyes. Just one thing he wanted to say, and he could not even do that. What a loser! "Cay … fuh … ouu, Na- … -tsu."

Did he say it? Gray could not even feel his own lips anymore.

"Natsu," Wendy ordered. "Cauterize this, quickly!"

Gray reached up and grabbed Natsu's scarf with the last of his strength, leaving red fingerprints on the white material. "Dun … f-for- … -get … Na- … -ts- … uhhh…"

He felt his hand drop, and then, for a moment, there was nothing. He did not even feel the constant thrum of his own heartbeat.

Emptiness.

No more pain, no more light, no more darkness. There were no sounds, no sights, no smells, no tastes, no feeling. Nothing. Utterly nothing.

Oblivion.

It was an oddly sweet feeling. Pure and utter nothingness. Yet soon, even that concept, a synapse still skipping around in his brain and thinking "Wow, I died" ceased to work.

Nothing.

Not even the awareness of nothing.

Death…

**End of Chapter 1**

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><p><em>AN: Welcome to my newest Gratsu story. _This is a request from the multi-talented Moonlessnight126, who inspired other fics like "Super Psycho Love," "Regrets in the Crying Sky," and "Burning Bridges."_ I used this as my NaNoWriMo novel for 2014, and now it's here for your enjoyment. This will be one hell of an emotional roller coaster. I hope you're ready for it._


	2. A Fragile Existence

"_For the life of the flesh is in the blood."  
><em>_― __Bible, Leviticus 17:11_

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

**A Fragile Existence**

Natsu sat in what was probably the most uncomfortable chair ever built in the history of Fiore, placed in what was likely the coldest room in all of Magnolia. However, comfort was the last thing on his mind. The ache of the hard chair and shivering chill of the icy hospital waiting room were lost on a sea of worries.

All around him, most of Fairy Tail had gathered. Juvia sat in a chair sobbing so hard, Mira and Lisanna were taking turns emptying entire buckets of her tears. Lyon had arrived not too long ago, and he did his best to comfort Juvia. Rather than be his normal flirtatious self around the rain woman, Lyon looked stricken with grief, and he only patted Juvia's shoulders, whispering gentle words to her once in a while. Erza paced the floor. She had already raged for hours, blaming herself for leaving the rest of their group to go after the leader. Now she silently simmered with an aura of impending doom. Lucy sobbed softly, and Loke was still around holding Lucy's face to his shoulders, looking decidedly uncomfortable with finally being able to hug Lucy, only to comfort her grief.

"He hasn't said a word."

People whispered that about Natsu, as if they thought he could not hear them. He did; he just did not care. He sat slouched, his hands held together, elbows on the knees, his mouth resting against the folded fingers as he hunched over. Someone had brought him a change of clothes so he could get out of the blood-soaked shirt, but his scarf still had dried brown stains of blood, including streaked fingerprints from when Gray grabbed him.

Gray's final words rang through his head. What the hell was the ice bastard trying to say to him? And the last bit: 'Don't forget, Natsu.' Forget what? What was he supposed to remember?

The door opened, and a doctor stepped in. All whispers ceased, and dozens of worried eyes lifted with hope.

"Mister Fullbuster is out of surgery," the doctor reported. "We managed to save his leg, although … I'm not sure if it was really worth such effort."

"Of course it is!" Lyon yelled. "Why wouldn't it be?"

The doctor looked around at the large gathering. "Gray Fullbuster … is not doing well. We've treated what we can, but his injuries are extensive and potentially fatal. He's in extremely critical condition. He hasn't regained consciousness. To be honest, I don't think he will. We're keeping him on life support for now, but … I'm really sorry," he sighed. "We've tried our best, yet even with surgery and magical healers, the injuries are too extensive. His chances of survival are very slim. It's best if all of you prepare for the worst."

Juvia shrieked, and Mira quickly grabbed her to stifle the hysterical screams with her bosom.

"Are you saying there's no hope at all?" Makarov asked with his brow deeply wrinkled.

"I won't give up on him yet. He'll need another surgery to fix his intestinal track, a rather massive surgery, rerouting much of the intestines. Even on a healthy body, such an invasive procedure could cause shock and death, so in his condition … it's not possible tonight. We'd only kill him. I've already sent word for three of the top magical healers in Fiore, but they won't reach Magnolia until tomorrow at the earliest. Your little healer here," he said, nodding to Wendy, "did a miracle job merely keeping him alive long enough to bring him here, but her magic was drained with just that. Our own healers are barely keeping him alive with both magic and machines. We'll keep monitoring his blood pressure, but to be honest…" The doctor gave a deep sigh and dropped his eyes. "I hate to bring bad news, especially seeing just how many friends Mister Fullbuster has, but I also don't like to give people a false sense of hope. There's a seventy percent chance he won't make it through the night. Even if he does, full recovery is likely impossible. He's lost entire nerves and muscles. He'll never walk on that leg. His lung may never fully heal. His days as a fighting wizard are, essentially, over."

Natsu's head dropped. Hearing that Gray would never fight again was perhaps more shocking than if he had been told Gray merely died.

"Does he have family?" the doctor asked.

Lyon stomped forward. "I'm his brother. Well, close enough as one. Adopted brother."

Makarov approached. "We're all his family."

The doctor looked a little weary. "Blood relatives, I mean. He'll need a second surgery if we're to have any hopes of repairing his lungs and intestinal track; however, just to stabilize him, he needed so much blood transfused that we ran out of his blood type. If we want any chance of saving him, we need a few donors."

Natsu stood up immediately. "I have O-negative. You can take mine."

"Thank you. Nurse Aoi, please get him hooked up. Mister Fullbuster is unconscious, but I can allow two visitors at a time."

Natsu saw that Makarov and Lyon were the first two to follow the doctor. That was appropriate. They were the closest things to family. Meanwhile, he followed the nurse and already began rolling up his sleeve, knowing that time was important, considering how urgently the middle-aged nurse walked down the hall.

Natsu entered a room that was kept warm, just how he liked it. The nurse showed him to a reclining couch. Natsu was already pumping his fist in preparation while the nurse pulled out a thick needle and all the equipment she needed.

"We'll take half a liter of blood," she said, somehow keeping a chirpy voice despite the focus in her brow. "You might be dizzy afterwards."

"How much blood can a human lose and still live?" asked Natsu.

"Forty percent of the human blood volume. That's usually around two and a quarter liters."

"I see," he mumbled. He flinched when she inserted the needle, then watched as purplish-red blood flowed through a tube. "Take two liters."

She jolted up fast. "Sir, I can't—"

"Take two liters, dammit!" he said firmly, yet kept his voice down since it was still a hospital. "I'll sign a waiver, whatever, just take it. Gray needs it more than me."

"I'll have to clear this with the doctor," she said, only to be polite. Truly, this hot-head had no idea what he was talking about. From the cuts and bruises, she could tell that he must have also lost some blood already.

Natsu leaned back as his blood flowed out. "You owe me one, stripper!"

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><p>Purely because they really were desperate, and because Natsu was insistent to the point of belligerency, the doctor allowed one and a half liters to be taken, but he insisted he could not take more without risking Natsu's life. The Dragon Slayer decided not to argue. At least it was three times more than normal, so he was glad to help. Donating that much left him so wobbly, Happy had to fly behind him, holding onto Natsu to help him to walk.<p>

"You should go home," the nurse urged. "Drink a lot, and eat meat."

"That actually sounds good, but first I wanna see the stripper."

"Um … stripper?" She blushed at the word.

"Gray. I wanna see him."

The nurse called the doctor, who led Natsu down a hallway. Everyone else had left, visiting hours were long over, but "for the man who'd go this far to save his friend" the doctor could at least let Natsu into the room for a few minutes.

"I'll warn you, he doesn't look well," the doctor cautioned. "It shocked many of your friends. One cried so hard, we had to get the janitor to mop the floor from here to the hospital exit. He's unconscious, and he's still unstable, so don't grab him. The equipment is fragile, and tampering with it could result in death. I was also told you manipulate fire. Absolutely refrain from doing so! We use oxygen on this level, which is highly flammable. Also, keep your voice low for the other patients. It's long past visiting hours."

"Has there been any improvement?" asked Natsu as he stared angrily down the plain white hall.

"If by _improvement_ you mean the fact that he's no longer hemorrhaging, then I guess you could call it that. He's barely clinging on to life. If it weren't for that little healer girl, plus the surgical team, our own magic healers, and now the life support equipment, he would have died mere minutes after arriving. To be frank, he still might go at any time."

"He won't die," Natsu said in a low growl. "Gray wouldn't die before me. He's too damn stubborn."

The doctor sighed, weary from such a long day. "I sincerely hope you're right. I wish I could be just as confident, but I've seen patients like this before. They don't last the night. If you have any final things to say to him, now is the time."

Then the doctor paused by a room and opened the door. The recovery room was dark except for a dim lamp near the bed. Shadows threatened to encroach on the sterile bed, like fingers of Death already reaching for a new victim. The doctor flipped a switch to turn on the lights, and harsh whiteness shined from overhead to chase away those spectrally foreboding clutches.

Despite himself, Natsu gasped. Although he had seen Gray with the ashen pallor of death and carried his cold, corpse-like body to the hospital, it was still shocking to behold the Ice-Make wizard lying in a sterile bed, hooked to monitors. Two thick, blue hoses attached to a tube in his mouth with tape over his face to hold the hoses motionless. Air tubes came out his nose, and wires were patched to places all over his body. He also saw a bag of blood and another of saline dripping into an intravenous line.

Gray's black hair was slicked back to keep it out of the way of the tubes. His face still looked white like death, and the doctors had taped his eyelids shut to keep the eyes from drying out. A pump to the side timed breathing for him, and a beeping monitor let Natsu see for himself that Gray's heart was working, although slowly.

"Gray," Natsu whispered, pained worse than he had felt in a long, long time. His childhood rival and teammate, the man Natsu considered as an equal, looked so tiny, lost amidst all the wires and machines, diminished to this pale, fragile, moribund body. Despite all the muscles in Gray's arms, chest, and abs, physical strength was useless against the sinister approach of Death.

"He's unconscious," the doctor warned.

Natsu began to feel panicked. "What's all this equipment? Why does he have something shoved in his mouth? What are you doing to Gray?"

"This is the life support machine. That's an endotracheal tube in his mouth. The tube is hooked up to a ventilator, which forces air into his lungs so he can breathe. He's receiving blood and saline solution until his blood pressure stabilizes. We also have a TPN—total parenteral nutrition—or to put it simply, feeding him intravenously since his intestines are in no shape to digest food. That's the electrocardiograph monitor to check heart activity," the doctor pointed out, "and this monitor shows us his breaths. Together, all of these machines can keep Mister Fullbuster alive for a while, so long as his heart keeps functioning."

"He's only alive … because of _these_?" Natsu asked with a shiver of horror. He was just now beginning to understand the delicacy of Gray's thread of life. That _thread_ was a blue hose shoved down the ice wizard's trachea. "Can he hear me?"

"Some believe patients in comas can hear us."

"Good," he said numbly. Natsu waved for Happy to stay back. "I have some things to tell him in private," he explained.

The Exceed nodded in understanding, and the doctor also left, shutting the door firmly. Natsu walked forward slowly until he stood by the side of the bed.

"Hey, droopy-eyes," he said quietly.

Natsu looked at the bare chest with patches of medical probes and wires hooked up. A massive bandage patched his right chest and wrapped around the entirety of his middle stomach, covering the holes. Natsu wondered if the hole he had cauterized was still there, or if the doctors somehow managed to close it. If Gray survived, would he have a hole in his body? Part of Natsu thought that would be awesome. He could annoy the stripper by tossing small balls and spit wads through a hole in his stomach. However, Natsu wanted all of it healed up. He wanted Gray to be back to normal.

_'He's barely clinging on to life.'_

Natsu shook his head at the memory of the doctor's words. "You're still alive somehow. You can thank me later. First I saved your ass from that old guy, then I carried your ass all the way here, and now I've saved you once again. They really sucked me dry," he laughed, feeling dizzy from the severe anemia. "Hey, I've been trying to figure out what you wanted to tell me. _Cay fuh oou?_ Careful?"

_Beep-bop! Beep-bop!_

Natsu looked up at the heart monitor. Curious, he felt his neck, checking his pulse against Gray's. For every one of Gray's slow heartbeats, Natsu's heart pounded twice. Natsu did not know much about health and medicine, but he did know that a slow heartbeat was a bad sign.

_'There's a seventy percent chance he won't make it.'_

Natsu never liked it when people told him the odds of success or failure. Odds never meant much of anything to him. If anyone could beat the odds, it'd be a wizard of Fairy Tail! And that meant there was a thirty percent chance that Gray would be just fine … right?

_'Even if he does, full recovery is likely impossible.'_

Natsu completely refused to believe that. They would find a way. They would go to every healer in Fiore until Gray was back on his feet, fighting side by side with him, Happy, Erza, and Lucy.

The steady rise and fall of the chest brought a sense of hope, until Natsu realized it was a machine _breathing_ for Gray. The machines were vital to Gray's survival. If that machine stopped, Gray would be dead in minutes. It was such a fragile existence, this decrepit shell of a body, broken, patched together, yet unable to hold onto life by himself.

_'All of these machines can keep Mister Fullbuster alive for a while.'_

Natsu picked up Gray's hand. He jolted, stunned by how cold it felt. Had Gray always been this icy, or was this something worse? He rarely bothered to touch this rival, so Natsu really did not know how cold he felt normally.

"And … and what shouldn't I forget, huh?" he asked the comatose body. "You got me curious. So you know," he whispered, squeezing the chilly fingers, "you can't die. You have to tell me what the hell you meant. You can't die, Gray."

_'To be frank, he still might go at any time.'_

Natsu saw water drip onto the pasty white hand, and he stared at the drops in surprise. He had not even realized that tears were flowing down his face.

"I can't imagine losing you," he whispered, gritting his teeth as he tried to hold back the tears. "I can't … can't imagine it. You're so damn annoying, always making me feel freezing, always stripping off your clothes, but … but Fairy Tail … it wouldn't be the same without you," he insisted, and Natsu wiped his snotty nose on his sleeve.

_'It's best if all of you prepare for the worst.'_

Natsu shuddered out a sob. The worst! Natsu could not even fathom _the worst_. Yes, they all knew that any one of them could fall during a mission. He and Gray had been on the verge of death plenty of times. Still, seeing Gray now, looking at the pale skin, the tubes, the wires, listening to the machine that pumped air into Gray's lungs, the beep that said his heart was working, and the horrible smells all around him, Natsu refused to believe Gray's life could end on such an anticlimactic note.

"You have to wake up. You have to get better. You never made it to S-class yet, bastard. So you have to get better. We have to fight for S-class. I have to beat you, and then I have to smear it in your face. It wouldn't be fun otherwise. And … and we can do better missions once we're both S-class. And we'll make sure Lucy becomes S-class, too. All of us. We'll be the most kick-ass team in all of Fiore. So you have to get better. You hear that, ice princess?"

_'I've seen patients like this before. They don't last the night.'_

"You have to heal up. You have to keep pushing me, bastard. I wouldn't be this strong if it wasn't for you clashing with me all the time. And … and we have to have our duel. Remember? We couldn't before meeting up with Erza, so we need to go for it when you're … back on your feet."

_'He'll never walk on that leg. His lung may never fully heal. His days as a fighting wizard are, essentially, over.'_

"They said it's impossible, but I know you. You'll fight it. Hell, Gildarts lost his leg _and_ his arm, and he can still kick my butt with one finger, so you'll be fine. And who knows! You might walk on that leg again. No … you _will_ walk. You'll run, and you'll kick, and you'll be as good as new. We'll fight together. So … so you … you can't die, dammit!"

_'His chances of survival are very slim.'_

Natsu threw himself down across the bed, hugging the icy body and sobbing heavily. "Come back to us, Gray. You've gotta wake up!" He laid there, feeling the chilly skin on his cheek. He never realized how much a part of his life Gray was until now that his life was almost at its end. Desperately, he whispered, "Don't leave me behind."

Suddenly, the slow _beep-bop beep-bop_ gave a startling alarm. Natsu jolted up and looked at the monitor. Instead of a bouncing green line, it was flat with only slight twitches. A horrific chill shuddered through Natsu's body. Somewhere behind him, an alarm rang out at the nurse's station, and the door burst open.

"I didn't do anything!" Natsu shouted defensively.

The doctor rushed in. "Dammit, he's in cardiac arrest. Nurses! Vasopressin, STAT! Bring the defib!"

Natsu looked down at the sallow face. "Gray … no. Didn't you listen to a word I've been saying? You deaf bastard, you can't die. _Gray!_"

"Step back, please," the doctor shouted, shoving Natsu away from the bed. Just then, a team of nurses swarmed in, pushing him further and further back. Natsu stumbled, still dizzy after donating blood. He grabbed hold of the door jamb and watched helplessly.

The nurse jabbed in a needle. The heart monitor suddenly became chaotic.

"V-fib. Get the paddles ready. Remove all electrodes. Shut down the ventilator. Make sure the oxygen is not near the chest. Ready paddles." The doctor placed paddles on Gray's chest. "Stay clear. Clear!"

Gray's body leaped up off the bed.

"Doctor, his wounds!"

"We'll stitch them up again. Another. Clear!" _Jolt!_

"Still in v-fib."

A large male nurse came up behind Natsu. "Sir, I need to insist that you leave."

The Dragon Slayer jolted, not realizing he had been biting his knuckles in worry. "No! I have to make sure he's okay."

"The doctor needs room…"

"What are they doing?" Natsu shouted, pointing as the paddles zapped again, and Gray's body tensed up. "His heart is moving, right? The monitor shows it's moving really fast."

"Those aren't pulses. It's called ventricular fibrillation. It basically means his heart is quivering, not pulsing."

"Quivering?" Natsu whispered. He could hardly help but think of an animal shaking in its death throes.

One of the nurses shouted, "Doctor, he's torn open in the abdomen. Another jolt…"

"Dammit. We'd kill him either way."

Natsu looked at the fluttering line. "A jolt," he muttered. Could he do it? No flame could be lit in this room because of the oxygen, so could he channel the lightning ability he got from Laxus? Could he use just that element and not flame?

"Anything on the ECG?"

"Nothing, doctor."

"Damn. If I do anything more aggressive, it'd rip his stomach completely open. Once more!"

"But doctor…"

"Once more, dammit! Stay clear. Clear!" The pale body jolted again, and blood spurted out onto the doctor's face. "Anything at all?"

Natsu also looked at the monitor in hope. Flatline.

"ECG is asystolic. Pupils are dilated. We've lost him."

"Damn," the doctor growled wearily. "Let's call it. Time of death…"

_Death?_

"No!" Natsu shrieked, and he stomped over, shoving a nurse aside. "Goddammit, Gray, I won't let you!"

Natsu's hand slammed into Gray's chest. Yellow lightning sparked and arced down his arm, flowing to his hand, sending Gray's whole body jolting.

"Someone stop him! The wound has opened."

"No wait," the doctor said, motioning for the huge nurse to stay back.

Natsu grabbed his upper arm to stabilize the magic flow. The level of control to keep his flames back was something Natsu had never attempted before. He forced pure lightning down, and his hard eyes shined yellow in the light of the electricity. He gritted his sharp teeth in pain as dizziness threatened to consume his consciousness. At last, he heard it.

_Beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop…_

Natsu released his hand and stumbled back. Happy flew forward and grabbed him before Natsu collapsed. The nurses immediately restarted the ventilator and began to tend to a bleeding tear in the stomach already saturating the sheets with blood. The doctor came over and patted Natsu's shoulder.

"Your friend owes you again, sir."

"He sure does!" Natsu laughed weakly.

"We need to attend to Mister Fullbuster's wounds now, and you need some serious rest," the doctor said gently.

"Is he gonna be okay?" asked Natsu.

"I still can't guarantee anything. It'll be touch-and-go all night long, and probably tomorrow morning, as well."

"I can stay with him in case his heart stops again," Natsu offered without hesitating.

"I'm afraid I really can't allow that."

Happy pulled Natsu along. "We can come back tomorrow, Natsu. They need us to leave now."

He grumbled but did not complain. He had barely managed to save Gray's life. The rest was a personal battle for Gray.

Hopefully, he would wake up again.

**End of Chapter 2**

* * *

><p><em>AN: According to the FT wiki, Natsu has Type-O blood. O-negative is known as the "universal donor" since they can donate to any of the other blood types. The wiki does not say what Gray's blood type is, but I read somewhere non-official that he is also O._


	3. Come Back To Us

"_That's the worst way to miss somebody. When they're right beside you and you miss them anyway."  
>― Pittacus Lore<em>

* * *

><p>Chapter 3<p>

**Come Back To Us**

Natsu walked into the hospital room. It was quiet except for the beeping of machines and the steady breaths artificially pumped into Gray's lungs. He saw Juvia in a chair pulled up close to the bed, sitting next to Gray and holding his hand. She looked up with tired eyes.

"Natsu!" she whispered in surprise.

He smiled passively at her. "Hey, Juvia." Natsu nodded down toward Gray. "How's he doing?"

Her eyes turned sadly down at the unconscious, raven-haired man. "The same. Gray-sama hasn't woken up."

Natsu walked up to the bed and gazed down at the pale face. Those taped eyelids, the wires, the tubes … it was too much! Still, he knew he needed to be here, to be with Gray and support him in any way he could.

"Hey, um … I wanna talk to him," Natsu said awkwardly.

Juvia reluctantly let go of Gray's hand. "Okay." She stroked those fingers as she slowly rose, and then she left the room to give Natsu some privacy.

Natsu sat where she had been, in a hard and uncomfortable chair warmed up by Juvia's body, but otherwise a stiff and cold place to sit. For a minute, he merely gazed down at that sleeping face.

"Hey, droopy-eyes," he finally said. "Sorry for chasing her out. I don't like being in here when someone else is in here. It makes me feel like … like I have to watch out what I say, or what I do … or even how I feel."

The truth was, he did not want others to see how deeply this sight—Gray so close to death—affected him. He let out a deep sigh. Then his voice tried to turn cheerful.

"Hey, I was just talking to Happy today, telling him stories about the two of us when we were kids, before he was born. I told him about this one mission, we were probably eleven or twelve … maybe you don't remember. It was this thief. Instead of stealing cool stuff, he kept stealing cheap jewelry, like bead necklaces, friendship bracelets, and those plastic rings you get at carnivals, all this really crappy stuff. It was all cheap junk, yet he kept stealing them, and no one could catch him. He must have been a hell of a thief, except he was stealing stupid crap.

"Anyway, for whatever reason, Erza was insistent on taking the mission. None of the adults wanted it. I mean: Plastic Necklace Thief! Sounds so lame, so it was up to us kids to find him. She dragged the two of us along. We were arguing the whole way there; Erza got pissed off at us so many times. Neither one of us wanted to be there, but … but Erza was scary even back then, wasn't she? We didn't dare disobey her."

Natsu let out a sigh and watched the monitors, the bouncing green line showing Gray's heartbeat, the billows pumping air into his lungs, and the saline drip keeping him hydrated.

"You saved me," he whispered. "I don't know if you remember that. I just barely do. It wasn't just that he was stealing plastic. He could _change_ it. He had this piece of theater costume jewelry, and he made it into a massive diamond necklace with magic. So cool! He offered to make us rich if we'd let him go. We couldn't, of course. Even if it was cheap stuff he could have bought for a few Jewels, we still couldn't let theft go unpunished. So then he attacked us. He turned Erza's armor into lodestone, and she magnetized to some metal until she couldn't move at all. She wasn't as good at Requipping armor back then; she mostly just did weapons. Then, he tried to change my scarf."

Natsu reached up and stroked the white muffler. He had to clean Gray's blood out of the material after that fight. It was all white again, but somehow, it was like he could still sense a bit of Gray's essence soaked into the material.

"You knew how precious this scarf is to me, and you jumped in the way. He couldn't turn flesh into other material, so your clothes started to turn into gold. It weighed you down, and you fell hard. Then, typical of you, you just stripped out of those clothes in an instant. You fought him, and he kept aiming for you. Every time something got hit, you just threw it off. Your shoe got hit, you threw it off, your pants got hit, you stripped out of them, until finally you were totally butt naked."

Natsu laughed at the memory, but hearing nothing in return—seeing no smile or anger or anything from Gray—saddened him.

"That's when … when you managed to knock him out," Natsu muttered. "I was so pissed. You were the one who saved me. And you save Erza, too. And … and that just pissed me off, that _you_ did that."

He looked at the pale face, wishing for some response. Natsu stroked back a strand of black hair that had slipped out of the headband keeping his hair back and landed near the tube shoved down Gray's mouth and into his throat.

"You're probably going to be pissed about this, me saving you," he said softly. "Well, this is just payback, just … just … getting even with you. For back then. I … I owe you. That's all," he whispered sadly, letting his fingers stroke along the forehead.

The skin was so cold. He wondered if he should keep holding Gray's face to warm him up. His fingers drift down toward the icy cheeks. Then suddenly, Natsu yanked his hand back and wiped aside a tear.

"Dammit," he hissed, angry that he was getting emotional again. "You know, that day, that mission … I really hated to think about it. It was so annoying, watching you fight when I was too scared, fearing my scarf would be turned into platinum or something. That really scared me. And there you were, stripping off all of your clothes. I let my scarf be a weakness. You … you have no weakness. Well, not with clothes, at least. And … it made me jealous.

"Oh! And then," he said in excitement, "then, after he was caught, you got to keep everything that was yours. Oh my goodness, you … you had all this money suddenly," he laughed. "You looked like such an idiot when the Magic Council guards suddenly returned all of your clothes, this box filled with solid gold clothing. Your eyes went huge! I remember, you sold that solid gold shirt to some noble for an outrageous amount. And your pants! Your shoes, someone even bought the socks. You even sold your underwear! Damn, what sort of pervert buys a kid's golden boxers?"

Natsu cackled, but still there was no response from Gray. As funny as the memory was, seeing Gray not responding stabbed his chest.

"I … I was so jealous," he said softer, saddened that this funny memory was not fully being shared. "And then … you took that money and … and you moved out on your own. We were still just kids, but you suddenly had the money to move out of the orphanage and get your own place." His head dropped. "That was when I really … got mad … and jealous … and I hated you, because … you weren't around as much anymore and … and it wasn't as much fun. So I started saving up. I wanted to move out, too. I couldn't afford anything in the city, only that cabin. Then I lived there with Happy, so it wasn't as lonely. But … I wanted to live in my own place, because you got to move out first."

He shifted around in the uncomfortable seat.

"That whole mission back then annoyed me so much, but … but it doesn't annoy me anymore. It's just funny, a nice story to tell. A story about us. One of our crazy adventures from when we were kids … growing up … together."

Natsu's fingers slid along Gray's cold cheek, and his eyes softened with sadness.

"When did those memories stop becoming so annoying?"

He wanted to remember Gray's laugh, his voice, the way his fist felt so cold as he punched Natsu. He wanted to remember all those adventures they had, and all the fights, all the challenges, every brawl. He realized, those memories were truly precious.

Suddenly, he realized he was caressing Gray's face in a weird way. Natsu yanked his hand back in shock.

"Man, what am I doing?" He laughed softly in awkwardness. "Sorry. Why am I even saying sorry? Could you even feel that?" He patted the cheek, not hard, but enough to get a sound of slapping flesh. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty, can you even hear me?" he called out. "I'm talking to you, idiot, and you're not responding."

He sighed and glanced away. He probably should not be slapping Gray like that, not with all the tubes and hoses and wires.

"Maybe you can hear me," he muttered. "Maybe, somewhere in that frosty brain of yours, you're struggling to come back. Even if you can't understand what I'm saying, maybe … just hearing my voice … maybe that's enough."

He reached down and laid his hand over Gray's fingers.

"Hear me, Gray!" he called out pleadingly. "Listen to my voice and come back to us."

He squeezed the fingers, then picked the limp hand up, holding it with both of his hands, and squeezed his fingers around the frosty touch. Natsu leaned his head over their combined hands in prayer.

"Please. I'd do anything. Just bring him back to me. I just want him to wake up. I … I wanna hear his voice, and argue like normal. I just … want him … to come back."

He let out a heavy sigh. If there was a god out there, he wanted a miracle. He stared at Gray's face, and he hoped, with all of his heart, that his prayer would be answered.

"I'd do anything to have him back," Natsu whispered ardently. Then he let go of the hand and gently set it back down. "I'm not really all that religious, but … it doesn't hurt, right? I don't know what else to do or say," he admitted with a weak smile. "Maybe I should ask Mira and Lisanna. They're religious and stuff. I know they're going to the cathedral to pray for you. Lisanna invited me to come with them. Maybe I'll go next time. Couldn't hurt, and perhaps it'll do some good."

He pulled away and stood up from that uncomfortable chair.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that story. Happy and I were talking about it. I figured I'd mention it. So…"

He reached down and caressed Gray's cheek again. His brow furrowed tightly with all the emotions he was bottling up, all the fear and sadness and guilt. Natsu's teeth clenched, and he leaned over close, holding those cheeks to force his burning emotions into this cold shell of a body.

"Seriously, wake up. Okay? Just wake up," he whispered angrily. "Your dream can't be all that interesting. Wake the hell up! I hate coming here and seeing you like this. I hate going to sleep terrified that I'll wake up to hear you died in the night. I hate this! So wake up. Come back to us."

He let go of the face and stood up again. Maybe his words would reach into that comatose mind and pull Gray out of whatever abyss he had slipped into.

"I'll send Juvia back. She likes to stay by you, y'know. She's always here. We … we miss you. All of us." He patted Gray's limp hand again. "Well, see ya around, stripper."

Then Natsu walked away. He paused by the door and looked back, hoping that maybe Gray would sit up and make a snarky remark about getting overly emotional again. Instead, it was just the even breaths, the beeping machine, and the silent body lying under a white sheet. Natsu's head dropped, and he quietly left the room.

* * *

><p>It was raining. Natsu heard the drops on his roof, tapping a chaotic cadence on the shingles. A low roll of thunder woke him. He was ready to just roll over and go back to sleep, but there was a glow in his room.<p>

"Happy?" he mumbled, thinking that maybe the Exceed had gotten up to use the bathroom.

He peeked open his eyes and was stunned to see Gray standing over his bed.

"Gray! What are you doing here?"

Gray smiled sadly at him. Natsu stared at that melancholy face in confusion. Why was he not saying anything? Where was this light coming from?

"Gray?"

Those cold lips parted, as if about to speak, but instead he silently turned aside.

"Gray, what is it? What's wrong?"

Then he realized Gray was standing here, in his room. He was _awake!_

"Gray! Wait a minute, you're … you're here! You're up. You're…"

No … his feet were not touching the ground. The glow was under him, around him, and Gray's feet strode a hand's-width above the wooden floor.

"No," Natsu whispered, shivering in dread. "What? No way…"

Gray paused and looked back again. He smiled plaintively yet silently, then lifted a hand in farewell.

"No! Gray!"

Natsu tried to scrabble over his bed. He fought the cocooning sheets that tangled his legs and held him back.

"_GRAY!_"

Gray turned and walked away. The light around him got brighter and brighter, blinding Natsu.

"Wait! _Nooooo!_"

* * *

><p>Natsu bolted up in bed screaming, a hand reaching out to the fading vision of Gray leaving eternally.<p>

In a nearby hammock, Happy yawned. "What's wrong, Natsu? Did you eat something bad?"

Natsu had sweat on his brow, and his muscles were shivering with adrenaline. He looked around the room. It was dark, the rain tapped noisily outside, and the clock read three o'clock in the morning.

Was it a dream, or a premonition?

"Gray," Natsu whispered.

He leaped out of bed, threw a coat over his pajamas, yanked the white scarf around him, and ran out, still barefooted and without an umbrella. He raced down the hill, guided by smell alone since there was no moonlight, nothing to light up this dark rain. He panted as he ran through the town, feeling like he was still in a nightmare. The rain seeped through his coat, drenching his pajamas, and his bare feet splashed in puddles. Finally, the hospital loomed ahead. The emergency room was still open, so he ran inside there.

He leaped right at the lady at the reception desk and slammed his fists down, dripping water all over the place. "Gray Fullbuster, Room 54. Is he okay?"

The nurse looked utterly confused. "Sir, visiting hours…"

"I don't want to visit him," Natsu shouted. "Just please … he's been in a coma all this time. Is he alive? Please, just have someone check on him."

"Do you have reason to believe his life is in danger?" she asked skeptically.

"I … I don't know," he gritted in frustration. "A dream. A really horrible dream. I know it sounds stupid, but please. I just need to know if he's okay."

She sighed, but she picked up a communications lacrima. "Is this a post-op nurse? Yes, this is the ER front desk. The patient in Room 54, can you make sure he's okay?"

She waited, and Natsu drummed his fingers in nervousness.

Finally, the nurse perked up. "I see. Thank you. No, it's just a worried friend here in the ER. Yes, he knows about visiting hours. Some people just really need to know that their friend is okay. Yes, thank you." She hung up and smiled to Natsu. "Gray Fullbuster is still comatose. He had a slight problem earlier tonight and required an operation on his lung. It's called pleurodesis, and it's meant to help heal his collapsed lung. The operation was successful, and he came out of surgery half an hour ago. It took some time to stabilize his blood pressure, but he is in recovery and doing well."

"Are you sure he's alive?" Natsu asked, still feeling his heart racing from the nightmare.

"The nurse checked. His breathing and heart rate are fine. His blood pressure is low, but that's to be expected for someone in his condition. We'll know more in the morning. Now, please get some sleep, sir, and dry off before you catch a cold. You may return during visiting hours."

Natsu slumped in relief. "Thank you. Uh … sorry if I was acting weird."

"I've seen far worse, sir," she smiled. "Please, do get warm before going back to sleep. There's a nasty cold going around."

"Staying warm isn't a problem," the Fire Dragon Slayer muttered. "Thanks, really."

He slowly turned away and left the hospital behind, walking out into the downpour. As the adrenaline faded, deep sleepiness started to wash over his body. He dragged his bare feet along the rain-soaked streets, not at all looking forward to the long hike back to his house.

**End of Chapter 3**


	4. The Wounds Remain

"_It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."  
>― Rose Kennedy<em>

* * *

><p>Chapter 4<p>

**The Wounds Remain**

Natsu burst into the hospital room smiling brightly. "Gray!" he shouted.

Lucy bonked him on the head. "Idiot, we're in a hospital. You need to keep your voice down."

"But Gray's finally awake." Natsu ran up to the hospital bed and put both hands on it, leaning in with hyper joy. "How are ya feeling, ice princess?"

Gray glared at him for a moment, but then he sadly looked away.

Natsu looked confused at the depressed expression. "Hey, what's up? What's with the silent treatment? You didn't hurt your throat too, did you?"

Erza was already in the room, and she gently pulled Natsu back. "It's best if we leave Gray to rest."

"What?" the Dragon Slayer shouted in protest. "But he's been sleeping for two whole weeks. More beauty sleep won't improve his looks any," he laughed. "Yeah, but at least you're looking better than before. You looked like hell, all beat up. Hah, you really got your ass kicked, popsicle-pants."

Gray suddenly lashed out. "Shut the hell up!"

Natsu backed up at the anger in that shout. "S-sorry," he muttered. "Seriously, I'm glad you're okay, Gray."

Erza took Natsu's shoulder and pulled him back out of the recovery room and into the sterile white hallway. He left reluctantly, and Lucy followed along, shutting the door behind them, leaving Gray sitting stiffly in his bed.

"Natsu," the redhead said softly, "I know you were really worried about him, but … maybe you shouldn't come to the hospital."

"What?" he shouted in rage. "Why the hell not? I'm the one who saved his ass!"

"Precisely. Gray doesn't like that he lost."

"It happens," Natsu shrugged. "You shake it out, stand back up, and keep fighting."

Erza flinched and looked away with her eyes shut tightly.

Lucy saw the pain in Erza's expression. "Is Gray okay?" she asked softly.

Erza lightly wiped a tear from her eye, and slowly she shook her head. "He's awake, which is a miracle in itself, but healing will take a long time. A _really_ … long … time." She paused again, momentarily overwhelmed. Lucy placed a hand on her arm, but the mighty Titania managed to harden her heart once more. "His internal injuries were severe. He lost his gall bladder, a portion of his liver, part of his lung had to be fused to the chest cavity because it would not heal right, and his intestinal track had to be completely rerouted because of that gaping hole. His stomach might never fully heal. His leg … he … he didn't lose the leg, but he might never walk on it again."

Lucy covered her mouth with both hands. Natsu just stared with no expression, his face completely blank.

"His leg bone had to be partly replaced. It'll take a few months to heal."

"Then he heals," Natsu said quietly. "We wait. He goes through physical therapy for a bit, and…"

Erza shook her head. "One of the shots was close to the spine. It damaged nerves to his hips and both legs. He's partially paralyzed."

"Oh no," Lucy whispered between her trembling hands, shaking her head in disbelief.

"The shot to his left leg took out the sciatic nerve, completely severed it. It was such a large gash, they can't reattach the nerves. Gray can't feel anything at all below the thigh. His right leg is only marginally better. Parts of it are numb, too. It got a few smaller shots, but mostly it's the spinal damage which affected the nerves. He has about seventy percent sensation in his right leg. The doctors say it might come back, but the left leg … they've done all they can for now. They can't do anything more … except amputate."

"No!" Lucy cried out. "They … they can't!"

"He can't walk, Lucy," Erza reasoned. "As drastic as it seems, it might be the best option. Artificial limbs like Gildarts' leg and arm, magical eyes like mine," she said, lightly touching the bottom of her eye that had been replaced. "Medical science is really advanced. He might need one leg replaced, maybe both, depending on if he can heal. The doctors aren't even worried about the legs right now. He still needs more corrective surgery on his abdomen, maybe spinal surgery, and his lung is still in a fragile state. Until that lung heals, he can't do anything strenuous. He's alive but … but this has really changed him. I've been sitting with him all morning. It's like that isn't even Gray in there. I've seen him sad before, but … _never_ like this. I can't even imagine how he feels, waking up out of a two-week coma and being told all this. I … can't imagine."

Tears were streaming down Lucy's eyes. Overwhelmed, she turned to Erza, who hugged her as she also struggled to remain strong. Natsu stood alone, and as the girls cried quietly, the Dragon Slayer drifted back over to the recovery room.

Slowly, he opened the door. Seeing Gray sitting up after having seen him so close to death made Natsu forget just how bad those injuries had been. He had seen Gray get shot. He remembered all the blood. He had prayed so hard for a miracle, and for a while he thought he got it. Gray was better, everything was fine, and they could go right back to hating each other's guts.

"I hate you, Natsu."

The Fire Dragon Slayer jolted, but then he tried to act cocky. "Yeah, well, who said I liked you?"

Gray's eyes stayed focused on the blue sky outside his small window. "During a fight, a person should be ready to face death. If the enemy is simply too much, they should fight to their very last breath, fight until they can't move, keep fighting and never surrender. If that's still not enough, they should stand their ground in defense of the friends around them and die like an honorable warrior."

"I ain't letting you die, Gray," Natsu said stubbornly.

Gray still stared at the sun pouring through the hospital window. "I made a mistake. I totally could have defeated him. Instead, I underestimated him."

"It happens," Natsu whispered cautiously.

Gray sadly shook his head. "By rescuing me and making me live like this—an invalid who will never walk again—this is nothing more than a disgrace. My life … can't ever be the same," he said with a quaver to his voice. Natsu saw that Gray was holding back tears, and his keen nose smelled the fear the ice wizard felt about this horrible and uncertain future awaiting him. "It's over," he breathed. "It … should've been over. My life. Everything."

That angered Natsu. "What, do you wish you would have died? Don't you _dare_ say that, Gray! You're alive by a miracle. You should be happy."

"Happy?" he scoffed, and hate-filled eyes glared at the Fire Dragon Slayer. "Happy about what? What should I be so goddamn glad about? That I feel like shit? That I can't walk? Can't eat? Can't move? Can barely breathe? Can't even feel my legs? Should that make me happy?"

"You're alive, Gray," Natsu whispered, wishing he could see the good in just that much.

"Not by choice. Not by my own strength."

"Dammit, who cares about that?" Natsu shouted.

Gray's eyes snapped over at him. "You should have left me."

"Bastard, what's up with you?" Natsu yelled in anger. "We're a team. If one falls, the others pick that person up. That's how we've always done it. You, me, Lucy, even Erza: we've all had times when we need to have someone else save us. This is no different. Besides, do you think I'd leave a friend behind?"

"Friend?" Gray scoffed. "You're not my _friend_, Natsu."

He felt a sharp pain in his chest hearing that. "We're nakama," he insisted sadly. "I saved you because I want you to live."

"Why?" Gray asked bitterly.

"What the hell do you mean, why?" Natsu shouted back.

"You want me to be on the team. You want to fight with me and go on missions. Isn't that so?"

"Of course—"

"_That won't ever happen again!_" Gray screamed. He suddenly grabbed his chest and collapsed backward, shivering in pain.

"Gray!" Natsu cried out, reaching out and putting his hand on a sheet-covered leg. "Gray, what's wrong?"

Raspy breaths hissed between his clenched teeth as he shook with agony. "Everything. Every-_fucking_-thing is wrong. I … I can't even move, Natsu. Can't get out of bed. Can barely breathe."

"You'll get better," the Dragon Slayer whispered sadly, hating to see Gray in so much pain.

"Better?" he scoffed. "Have you listened to the doctors? Their best case scenarios are that I'll be in a wheelchair. Dammit, I don't want to live like this. Useless, weak, unable to fight!"

"But Erza said…"

"Erza's too optimistic. The doctors told me how bad it is. They're not even sure how long it'll take for me to recover from my lungs and stomach. Months! Even if they can fix my gut, the leg is hopeless. I overheard a nurse say it might be better to cut the whole leg off and give me a prosthetic. It's still an option. Frankly, it's a better option than what I've got now." He glanced down and saw Natsu's hand. "Are you touching my leg?"

Natsu looked down at his hand and quickly removed it. "Sorry. Does it hurt?"

Gray laughed sardonically, shaking his head slowly. "I can't feel a thing. Nothing. It's like I don't even have a leg. It's just something there, something for people to stare at. And the right leg: half of it's there, half of it's not. I'll be an invalid for the rest of my life, Natsu. That's what you rescued. Not me. Just a shell of what I was. The real Ice-Make wizard Gray Fullbuster died on that battlefield. I … should have just died."

Flames sparked over Natsu's body. "Gray, you bastard! Don't you dare say that. Do you really _want_ to be dead?"

"I don't want to live like this," he sneered.

"We worked hard to keep you alive. Can't you just accept that we _want_ you to live?"

"You're all just greedy," Gray muttered in depression. "Think about me. I'm the one who has to live through this pain."

"You want pain?" He raised his fist, but Gray suddenly leaned over, coughing harshly. He grabbed his stomach, curled to his side, and began to howl in intense agony.

Erza raced into the room and grabbed Natsu's fist. "What the hell are you doing?" she yelled.

"I … I didn't hit him," Natsu muttered. His fist lowered. "Gray?"

Gray coughed harder, and blood splattered out of his mouth. His blue eyes opened wide as pain engulfed him. He tried to cover his mouth, but blood poured between his fingers in thick purple-red streams.

Lucy shouted out in the hallway, "Someone, get a doctor! He's hemorrhaging!" Then she ran inside. "Gray, cough into this," she said, holding a pan under his mouth.

As Gray leaned over it, he suddenly vomited bile mixed with blood clots. The blood splattered out of the pan, onto his pillows and blankets, and speckled Lucy's arms and her blouse. Gray groaned in agony, holding his stomach.

"Oh God, it hurts!" he moaned.

Lucy rubbed his back and softly encouraged him to cough it all up. Although she tried to be calm for his sake, Lucy's face went pale with terror as Gray vomited even more blood and struggled just to breathe.

Natsu watched in shock and horror as the reek of blood filled the room. It was different from when Gray was unconscious and on life support. At that time, he looked peaceful, like he was simply sleeping, although he had been paler than a corpse. Now Gray had color to his cheeks, but Natsu saw how his body was struggling just to live.

Gray began to gag, coughing mouthfuls of blood so much, he could no longer inhale and his lungs began to convulse as they struggled to get air past all the blood. Doctors and nurses rushed in. Natsu, Erza, and Lucy were guided away from the hospital bed as the nurses dealt with the blood and a doctor called to get a breathing tube to help clear Gray's air passage. As the white flurry of coats and nurse uniforms fluttered around, Natsu briefly saw Gray between the bodies. Although his color was draining fast, and blood streaked down his chin and neck, Gray still managed to shoot Natsu a sharp glare that showed bitterness and hatred.

'_You forced me to survive. You made me live only to suffer. You did this to me, Natsu. You kept me alive only to exist in utter hell.'_

Natsu turned and fled the room. He kept running, fleeing away from the stench of blood and pungency of disinfectants. His keen ears clearly heard a doctor saying that Gray needed surgery, and fast, or he would bleed to death.

Natsu raced down some stairs, through a waiting room, and out the hospital doors, just as an ambulance was pulling up. The man they wheeled in was bleeding heavily.

More blood! The smell was everywhere.

Natsu turned and ran another way. He had to get away from that building and the smell. At some point, he fell. He had tripped on something, he did not see what, and tumbled onto the cobbled road. As he slid, a rock cut open the palm of his hand.

More blood!

"Dammit!" Natsu screamed, frightening people walking along the road.

He stayed there, down on his knees, staring at the trickle of blood flowing from his hand.

Why did people have to bleed? Why did blood have to smell so horrible? Why did Gray have to get hurt like that? Why…?

'_Why Gray? Why not me?'_

A hand touched his shoulder. Natsu jolted, looked up, and saw gentle eyes amidst scarlet hair. His face felt wet. He reached up and touched his cheek, too numbed to fully realize why there was water streaming down from his eyes. He had no clue when he began to cry.

Erza held her hand out. Natsu took it, and she easily hoisted him back up to his feet.

"Let's go home," she whispered.

Natsu did not move for a while. Erza had also rushed toward Gray when he was coughing up blood, and Natsu saw drying red splatters on her armor.

More blood! It was just too much.

Natsu collapsed into her arms. He could not remember if he had ever cried in front of Erza like this, but somehow, of all the people he knew in Fairy Tail, she was the only one to whom he could admit his weakness. She held him consolingly, and suddenly she Requipped into plain clothes. Instead of hard metal armor, Natsu sobbed into a ruffled blouse. When he grabbed around her, it was to the softness of her back. When she stroked his pink hair, it was not a gauntlet, but Erza's strong yet feminine hands.

Natsu cried, and he did not care if people saw. He sobbed and wailed, clutching onto Erza's blouse, right there in the middle of the street, and nothing else mattered.

He had wanted Gray to get better, to wake up, be happy, and have more fun with him, being rivals and bickering like they had always done.

He never, ever, wanted Gray to truly despise him.

**End of Chapter 4**


	5. Nightmares and Dreams

_"My best dreams and worst nightmares have the same people in them."  
>— Philippos<em>

* * *

><p>Chapter 5<p>

**Nightmares and Dreams**

Natsu never went back to the hospital.

Summer passed into autumn. It was another two months of surgeries and sessions with magical healers before Gray was deemed to be in stable condition. Still, his diet was extremely limited. The doctors had not even begun to talk seriously about rehabilitation for his leg, not when all focus had so far been on fixing the extensive damage to his internal organs. He was stuck in bed mostly, although he was allowed to go outside in a wheelchair for some sunshine and fresh air.

Lyon stayed around Magnolia during that time, worried for his adopted brother. He saw that Gray was not the same as before. No matter how Lyon tried to tease him, cheer him up, or encourage him to have Ice-Make challenges like they used to do as kids, seeing who could be the most creative, Gray had no interest, not even in using a small bit of magic.

"Why bother?" he would mutter. "I won't be able to fight as a wizard again, not after this."

"We don't know what the future will bring," Lyon told him sternly. "We create our future, like we create our ice. We can be dull and boring, or…" Lyon used both hands to create a gorgeous miniature peacock of ice that landed on the arm of the wheelchair and began to strut around. "…we can be inventive and create something amazing."

Gray made a fist and slammed it down, crushing the sculpted bird into icy shards. "In the end, it's gone in a flash. It melts and gets destroyed. Ice doesn't last!"

"Gray," Lyon sighed worriedly. "This isn't like you."

Gray said nothing, but his scowl was enough. Lyon kept quiet, but he was still worried about this grim mind-set Gray had picked up.

At some point, Gray got into a habit of poking his leg. He felt nothing past the horrendous scar, where muscles and tendons had been blasted away and his bone partly blown apart. The doctors removed the shattered bits of bone, a Bone Magic wizard had repaired the damage, and somehow they managed to save the limb; however, since there was no known medical procedure to reconnect major nerves that had been severed by many centimeters, and no healer in Fiore powerful enough to completely regrow almost a quarter of his upper thigh, including tendons and muscles, the physicians wondered if amputation might not be a better option. Fiore had advanced prosthetics, Gray could probably be fitted with a fake leg and be walking in a few months. However, for now, the leg was secondary to healing his lungs and organs. He felt nothing, and so he kept poking it, knowing he should feel something, but watching vacuously as his finger pressed into flesh that did not seem to be his own.

One day, there was a knock on the recovery room door, and Erza stepped in with Juvia. Some people at least still visited him. Gray had no clue why he felt angry that Natsu stayed away. If the Dragon Slayer _did_ show up, they would have just argued, anyway. The doctors frequently warned Gray not to get riled up, since his lung was still healing and his stomach was susceptible to bleeding. Maybe Natsu had been ordered to stay away precisely for that reason. Gray wasn't sure, and he felt weird asking anyone about that flame-brain idiot.

"Gray-sama!"

Juvia's voice was much more pacified these days. She had dark circles under her eyes. Considering all the rain Magnolia had been getting, Gray knew she must have been crying a lot.

He felt unworthy of anyone's tears. Why should people cry for a man who should be dead?

"Sorry it's just us," Erza said. "Lucy and Natsu are off on a mission."

Gray grumbled, "Good for them. Maybe they'll finally hook up now that I'm not in the way."

Erza's brow tightened. "You've been really bitter about Natsu."

He softly scoffed and looked away. "When have I ever been sweet about that idiot?"

"He saved your life."

"He saved a body." Gray weakly shook his head. "My life is over."

Erza sighed and walked up to him. She and Juvia stood on either side of his bed. Gray sat up, but Erza realized his legs were unnaturally still.

"Gray, the doctors told you, this bitterness and fatalistic pessimism is not going to help with the healing. It's making your stomach worse."

"Oh yeah," he snapped. "How much _worse_ can it get?"

"You could be dead."

"At least then I wouldn't be in pain all the time and facing a life in a wheelchair."

Juvia grabbed his hand. "Gray-sama is strong. Juvia believes that if Gray-sama wants to walk again, Gray-sama will…"

"Will you stop calling me _Gray-sama_ already," he shouted, violently shaking her hand off. "Goddammit, do you think that's cute or something? How about talking like a normal person and not like a moron?"

Juvia gasped and jolted back.

"Gray!" Erza scolded.

He harshly looked away and grumbled, "Why don't you two just leave? I'm pathetic, right? You're just here to appease your own egos, visiting the poor, unfortunate invalid."

Erza's eyes narrowed. "I should have let Natsu hit you."

"You should have let Natsu let me die."

"Now _I'm_ ready to hit you!" she warned.

"So what?" he muttered.

Juvia looked over to Erza, who glanced at the rain woman. Gray had been like this since waking up. He had not attempted suicide, but he was angry at the bleak prospects of his life. Part of Erza hardly blamed him. It was a sobering thing, coming to terms with a major disability. Gray's life would never be the same. The doctors also warned that, after a near-death experience such as Gray's, his personality might change. She just wished she knew how to make things better.

Quietly, Gray mumbled, "Can you please leave? The pain killers are making me sleepy and nauseous. I'd like to sleep. It's the only time I'm not in pain. Send a nurse in, though. I'm beginning to despise bedpans."

"Juvia can help with that!" the blue-haired girl eagerly offered.

"Hell no!" Gray sneered.

Erza pulled on Juvia's arm. "Let's go. If he's strong enough to be this cantankerous, then at least he's getting better."

Juvia leaned over and kissed Gray on the forehead. "Get well soon, Gray-sama." Then she hurried out of the room.

Gray rubbed the kiss off with a disgusted face. "Get well soon?" he muttered after they were gone. "It's never going to get better. Never…"

He looked down at his legs again. He poked the dead leg in anger. He could wiggle his toes on the right leg, but the left was still completely paralyzed. He suddenly punched his leg with a shout of anger. Still nothing.

"Dammit," he whispered in frustration and depression. He quickly blinked away tears and pulled the covers over the rising bruise on his leg before a nurse entered.

* * *

><p>Days passed. Although Gray seemed to be improving, he was still in a precarious state and could not leave the hospital. Makarov decided that since this injury happened while on a mission, the guild would cover all of the hospital bills. He told the doctors, whatever Gray needed to get better, any surgery at all that might help, do it. The guild funds would cover the expenses.<p>

Then on a breezy autumn day, Lucy ran into the guild and up to Natsu, who was drinking at the counter and wishing he could get drunk to escape from the pain in his heart. Life in the guild without Gray was oppressive.

"Natsu!" she shouted. "Natsu, we need you. It's about Gray."

He spun around with wide, terrified eyes. "Oh God, what happened?" he asked, fearing to know.

"We … we don't know. He's disappeared. Please, hurry. We really have no clue how to find him, so we're relying on your sense of smell."

Natsu left with her, running almost faster than her and annoyed that Lucy's heeled boots slowed her down. When at last they reached the hospital room, it was empty.

"We have no clue how this happened," Lucy said fretfully. "I mean, Gray can't even walk! Well, not good. And his wheelchair is still here."

Natsu saw the wheelchair in the corner. He looked around the rest of the room. "His clothes are gone." He pointed to an empty spot against the wall where Gray's clothes had been hung up for his attempts at therapy.

Natsu sniffed and began to follow a scent he knew well. It led him out of the hospital through a back door. No wonder nobody saw Gray leave. Natsu leaned over near some dirt. There was a print of a barefoot, something dragging, and then a round, deep imprint.

"He left on crutches."

"Crutches?" Lucy exclaimed. "He can barely walk, though. He can't be far."

Natsu rushed forward. "What was that idiot thinking?"

Natsu kept sniffing, following a fresh scent. It got stronger, and he knew they were catching up. Then they came to one of the many canals that flowed through Magnolia. Up on the bridge, they saw a man with black hair resting on crutches, one leg turned awkwardly. He gazed down at the water.

"He isn't thinking about _jumping_, is he?" Lucy whispered in horror.

"Hey!" Natsu shouted, and he stomped forward. "What are you doing, asshole? Sick people should stay in bed."

Gray glared at them and sneered, "What do you care?"

"I don't, but pulling a stupid stunt like this scared Lucy."

"Just stay back," he whispered, staring down into the dark river. "Just leave me alone."

Lucy took a few steps up the bridge. "Gray…"

"Stay back!" he shouted. Gray again looked down into the river and whispered, "Don't get near me."

Lucy stopped, and she held onto Natsu's sleeve before he could storm forward. "Gray?" she said softly. "Don't do this, please."

Gray gave Natsu a cold, derisive grin. "I gotta thank you, I guess. I've come to realize, I didn't want to die like that. Defeated, humiliated, in pain … I didn't want to die that way."

"Then keep living," Natsu said sternly, eying Gray cautiously. "Live until you're an old man."

"And what?" he asked with a self-deprecating laugh. "Be some old man in a wheelchair? Maybe stuck in bed, too frail to move around on my own? Having someone change a bed pan for me? I'm _already_ living that way!" he screamed. "I'm already there, living like some crippled old man. Hah! Beat you to it." Gray looked over the edge of the bridge. "I'm gonna die one day, either from these wounds or sometime in the future. No matter what they do, I'll die anyway. I want it to be on my terms."

"Do you think throwing yourself off a bridge and drowning is better?" Natsu shouted.

Gray gazed into the water. "I almost drown in my own blood every morning. Water doesn't taste as bad."

Natsu yanked away from Lucy and stomped up the bridge. Lucy reached out to hold him back, worried that Gray might really jump, but Natsu was too fast. The Dragon Slayer stormed right up to Gray's face and grabbed him by the shirt, yanking him forward.

"What's gotten into you, droopy eyes? Upset over some injury? We're members of Fairy Tail. When was getting hurt ever a problem?"

Gray sneered at him. "When I was told I'd never walk again."

"You're out here, you're walking."

Gray lashed out. "I can't feel my goddamn leg!"

"So what? Look at Gildarts. Acnologia tore up half his body. He lost a leg _and_ an arm, plus some internal organs, and he can still kick our butts. Even if your body gets weaker, _you_ get stronger. That's all there is to it. So wake up that goddamn snowball head of yours and stop thinking death is better."

"I hate you, Natsu!" Gray lashed out.

"Then hate me. It's better than being dead."

"You know _nothing_ about what I'm living through."

"I know you're living, and that's all I need to know."

"Fuck you!"

Gray threw a punch, and it hit Natsu's face to the side. Natsu could have easily stopped it, but he figured Gray deserved at least one free hit. Then he punched back, hitting the side of Gray's face.

"Bastard!" Gray snarled.

Lucy watched with teary eyes as the two punched each other in the face over and over.

"Natsu, stop!" she shouted. "Gray is still injured."

"He's strong enough to punch me," Natsu reasoned just as Gray's knuckles collided into his jaw. "Count this as physical therapy for your arms. You lost a leg? Big deal! Strengthen your arms. Strengthen your magic. Dammit, Gray, you're strong. I admit, you're almost as strong as me."

"I'm way stronger than you," Gray growled back.

"Then why are your attacks so weak?" shouted Natsu. "You wanna die? Die fighting me for real. Come on, Gray. Hit me."

Gray slammed a punch into Natsu's gut.

"Wuss. Really hit me!"

Gray shouted and collided his fist into Natsu's face, splitting his lip until blood ran down Natsu's chin.

"Come on, princess!" Natsu goaded, beckoning with flames on his fingertips. "You're stronger than this."

"Not anymore!" Gray yelled in frustration.

He tried to throw another punch, but he lost balance on his legs and fell to the ground. The jolt hurt way more than he knew it should, a surge bubbled up from his stomach, and Gray leaned over. Blood and bile coughed up from his stomach.

"Fuck!" he screamed. His hands covered his bloody mouth. "Is this really it?" he cried. "Is this all that's left of me? Goddammit!"

Natsu dropped to one knee. "Gray?" he asked in worry. "Is it your stomach?" He began to reach forward.

Gray slapped his hand away, streaking it with his own blood. "Don't you fucking _touch_ me!" he seethed. However, two seconds later, Gray's eyes rolled back. Natsu caught him before his head fell backwards.

"Gray?" he whispered, cradling that cold body. He could smell the blood and feel the shuddering breaths of air near his face.

Gray looked up at Natsu with gritted teeth, his mouth dripping blood, and scorn crackling in his eyes. "Damn you," he muttered before losing consciousness.

"Lucy!" Natsu shouted back. "Run back to the hospital. Get a stretcher or ambulance or something. He's bleeding from the stomach again."

"You both take things too far," she scolded to cover over her fear. Lucy quickly brought out a silver key. "Open the Gate of the Charioteer! Auriga!" A man with a grand chariot appeared. "We need to hurry to the hospital," Lucy ordered as she climbed onto the chariot with the Celestial Spirit.

"My chariot is the fastest transportation in the Spirit World," the man declared, and together they sped off through the streets of Magnolia.

On the ground, Natsu held Gray, resting the black-haired head on his warm shoulder. "Stay with me," he whispered. "Bastard, if you die in my arms again, I'll kill you for good. I'm not restarting your heart again. I'm serious. Don't … don't you _dare_ die on me."

Natsu looked down with pained eyes and moved the strands of hair from Gray's face. Gray looked in pain even asleep, and it made Natsu want to protect him. When he heard a soft groan of agony, it felt like something was burning in his chest.

"This is hell for us too, you know," he whispered. "It hurts to hear you say you want to die. It hurts all of us. Get it through your glacier-thick skull: we don't want you to die. Stop this. Just … stop it. It hurts … it hurts all of us to even think about losing you. Asshole."

Natsu rubbed Gray's cheek with the back of his fingers. In the silence, he lost track of everything around him, staring at Gray's face.

"Gray," he whispered.

He wiped away some blood, gently swiping his thumb over Gray's half-parted lips. His thumb lingered, feeling soft breaths and warmth from Gray's mouth. This breath, this warmth, meant life! He let his thumb linger on Gray's lips, feeling this confirmation of life persevering. Suddenly, Natsu yanked his hand away.

"Goddammit, what the hell is wrong with you?" he muttered under his breath, but he was not fully sure if he meant what was wrong with Gray, or with himself. "No use just sitting here." Natsu got a strong hold of Gray's body and stood, carrying him bride-style back down the bridge. "Damn, you're heavy," he grumbled.

Gray coughed in his sleep, and Natsu heard gurgling in his damaged lungs. Was blood filling the lungs again? He needed to hurry. He shifted Gray's head so it would not dangle and cause Gray to choke more. He rushed forward, hoping to cut down the traveling distance for anyone coming to help.

A few blocks down, Natsu saw Lucy returning on Auriga with three medics. That had a stretcher and laid Gray on it. When they saw Gray and listened to his chest, one said they needed to hurry. A tube was carefully threaded into his mouth and down into his lungs, siphoning blood out of the lung. Another medic put a mask over Gray's face that pumped oxygen for him to breathe. The third placed her hands over Gray's chest, and a warm magical glow flowed into him.

Natsu stood back, watching these medics work right there, in the middle of the street, to save Gray's life. He saw other people stopping to stare at the trouble.

Natsu lashed out at them, "What are you looking at?" The flames in his eyes scared them, and the pedestrians scurried off.

Auriga's chariot was barely big enough for Lucy and the medics, but Natsu stood back.

"You guys go on," he said. "I'd just get sick. I'm heading home, Lucy."

"I'll tell you later how he's doing," she promised. "Auriga, go!"

Natsu watched them speeding away, and privately he was glad Lucy rarely called out that Celestial Spirit. Just looking at the chariot made Natsu queasy.

"Take it easy, ice princess," he muttered. "Get better, and stop doing stupid things. Stop worrying us and focus on healing yourself. You pulled through. You're alive. You're strong, Gray. So please…"

His words faded. Please, what? What did Natsu want? These feelings confused him. All he wanted was for Gray to get well enough to come back to Fairy Tail … right? Even if he could not do missions like he used to, they could have fun together. They had done plenty of missions that did not call for fighting.

No more fighting.

No more brawling with Gray.

No more defeating monsters together.

Natsu's chest hitched, and he tightened his fists. He never realized what a major part of his life Gray had become until it was stripped away from him so suddenly.

"Gray," he whispered wistfully.

He wanted life to go back to how it was—

—and that would never happen again.

Natsu turned sharply and stomped back toward the forest and his house with Happy.

* * *

><p>That evening, Lucy gave Natsu the bad news.<p>

Gray's escape and overexertion caused a surgical seam in his small intestines to rupture, and his lung wound reopened. Then, either from all the movement, his fall, or the rough ride back, the nerves in his injured spine shifted. Instead of seventy percent sensation in his right leg, Gray now had only thirty percent. He could no longer even stand.

Gray needed surgeries on his intestines, lung, and spine. However, doctors could not operate at all until his blood count stabilized, and all this excessive bleeding was not helping. When Natsu heard that, he marched back to the hospital and volunteered to give more blood. He wanted Gray to pull through this, and he did not care what he personally sacrificed, so long as Gray would one day come back to Fairy Tail.

So the surgeries were scheduled. They patched his intestines and lung easily enough, but the operation on his spine was dangerous. There was no guarantee it would even work, and a chance Gray might lose all feeling in both legs. However, the alternative was to do nothing, and Gray would definitely never walk again. On the chance that maybe, one day, he could at least stand on his own, Gray opted for the surgery.

Natsu did not visit him before the operation. He stayed at home, brooding in uncharacteristic silence. Although he never considered himself to be particularly religious, he gazed out his window at the storm clouds gathering in the west, making the autumn forest ominously dark, and he muttered a supplication to whatever might be out there.

"Please let Gray get better. Please let this work!"

* * *

><p>The next morning, Makarov announced to the whole guild that the spine surgery went well, but the damaged nerves needed time and therapy to heal. The damage was so bad, if not for magical healers, Gray would have been paralyzed from the waist down. Now, he had a chance at regaining one leg … someday. The pressure was off the nerves, but it would take time to regain full sensation.<p>

Natsu went to the hospital that afternoon. He sat by the stiff bed, silently staring. Gray was unconscious on strong medications, since the nerves were in a fragile state and intensely painful. Still, Natsu sat by his side and watched the chest rise and fall. He looked at the bag of blood dripping through a tube and into Gray's artery to replace what he had lost. Natsu briefly wondered if that was his own blood that he had donated.

He finally stood and walked right up beside the bed. Gray had that peaceful look again, like the first day he was brought here, a step away from death. The feelings of that day returned, and Natsu looked nervously toward the recovery room door. It was shut to keep out noises. They were alone, and it was a little too quiet.

He sat on the mattress right beside Gray and felt the chill radiating off the pale skin. He watched Gray breathing. Then Natsu put both of his arms next to Gray's shoulders and leaned over him.

So long as he kept breathing, he would live. That was the most important thing now. Keep breathing! That first day, a machine had forced Gray to breathe and live. Now, he breathed on his own. Despite the extensive damage, his lungs were working.

Natsu wanted to feel that breath, make sure it was real, and Gray really would survive this. Hardly thinking, he leaned over until his face was directly above Gray's. Their breaths mingled together, hot and cold.

This was what Natsu wanted: reassurance that this precious life would go on, that he had not lost Gray, and one day…

One day…

Natsu's eyes hid behind his pink bangs as he examined every detail of Gray's face. He felt a strange warmth, a heat he had never experienced before. Something tingled in his chest, like a tiny flicker that wanted to spread, but Natsu feared this sort of fire.

And he felt something more.

Possessiveness!

He knew it was a trait of dragons, to hoard their treasures. Igneel did that all the time. He did too, to be honest. Natsu's house was crammed full of treasured memories. However, feeling this way toward Gray was strange, and it scared him. He had felt possessive over things, concepts, even ideals like protecting the smiles of his friends, but never toward an individual person.

He watched the Ice-Make wizard's lips as the breaths slowly came in and out. His fists clenched as he felt like he wanted to claim these breaths, this life, this very soul. That was wrong, though. Igneel once told him, even if he fell in love—and there was _no way_ this was love—nobody should claim ownership over a person.

Still…

For how much he had always felt a deep-seated rivalry toward this man, Natsu never wanted to lose Gray.

He closed his eyes tightly as tears slipped down his cheeks, and he shivered from the heartbreaking memories of seeing Gray close to death. The memories haunted his dreams. The sight of that blood was a nightmare, and he never wanted that to happen again. Even if he had to forcefully claim and protect the ice wizard, he never—ever—wanted to see Gray suffer like that again.

"Don't die on me, Gray," Natsu whispered. "Don't you dare ever leave me, asshole."

Without thinking, he leaned in closer, and his lips got nearer to Gray's. Softly, Natsu's lips barely brushed against the sleeping mouth, just enough to feel that, despite the cold breaths, Gray's lips were quite warm. It was a sign of life. Warmth, breathing, a beating heart. He was alive! That was all that mattered. He would live through this, and what happened afterward, they would deal with it together.

Natsu suddenly stood up and covered his mouth.

Did he really just … to Gray…

"Sorry," he whispered in shame. Kissing an unconscious person! Really, he was the worst! "That … it wasn't a kiss. I was just … checking. That's all. Why the hell am I explaining it? It's not like you can hear me."

He gazed down at the sleeping body for a moment more. That flickering in his chest grew hotter, but he struggled to quench the flame. Whatever that flicker was, it scared him.

Having Gray so close to death, fearing every day that Makarov might announce the worst news of all, the loneliness of being amongst friends but not having his rival there to antagonize him … that was all this was, right? Just weird emotions and wanting Gray to get well. Yet when Natsu placed his hand over the cold, limp fingers, the flicker warmed his chest again.

What was this?

Why did he fear it?

Natsu shook his head. Gray always messed up his mind. Now, even though Gray was unconscious, Natsu was annoyed by something the ice wizard was doing to him.

"Whatever," Natsu sighed aloud. "Heal up, Sleeping Beauty."

Natsu stepped aside, turned off the lights, and left the hospital room.

* * *

><p>Gray was in a dark dream. He swam in blood. The sky had no stars, just a silver moon, so perfectly round, a solid color that shined on the red sea in steely coldness.<p>

He felt himself sinking. Something had his legs. He could not move, and it was pulling him down, down, into blood and darkness. He could taste the blood as it went over his head.

He slipped below the waves, thrashing, fighting, but all in vain. He struggled against the sinking sickness and pressure in his lungs as his body prepared itself to die.

No! He did not want to go like this.

Then something swam up to him in the red water, something warm and bright, so bright it turned the crimson water pink. Lips pressed against Gray's mouth, and hot air filled his lungs. The breath was sweet, the lips soft and warm. Then this pink creature of fantasy pulled away, but not before giving Gray enough air to fight and the encouragement to go on.

He struggled back to the surface, fighting, swimming hard, until finally his head came above the bloody waves. He gasped for air. When he looked around, nothing was there. He was alone again.

The touch to his legs was back, but this time, instead of greedy hands pulling him down, the hot hand guided his body through the blood sea, over to land and safety. Then those gentle hands pulled away. Gray saw only the pink glow under the crimson waves, but he knew it was the same creature. The warmth drifted back off into the ocean, leaving Gray stranded on the lonely island.

"Wait!"

* * *

><p>Gray sat up in bed, wide awake now.<p>

He looked around. He was still in the hospital. It had been nothing more than a dream.

However, when Gray reached up to his lips, remembering that kiss, his mouth felt a lot hotter than usual. Then suddenly he heard a door shut. He jolted over at the sound and just barely glimpsed pink hair walking down the hallway.

"Natsu?" he asked. His hand went up to his mouth again. "What the hell sort of dream was that?"

**End of Chapter 5**

* * *

><p><em>AN: Auriga the Charioteer is an OC I made up in my GraLu story "I Leave You, My Pride."_


	6. Warmth of Summer, Cold of Winter

"_What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness."  
>― John Steinbeck<em>

* * *

><p>Chapter 6<p>

**Warmth of Summer, Cold of Winter**

The surgery on Gray's spine was successful. His internal organs finally healed, and after four months in the hospital, the doctors deemed him well enough to return home. He was in a wheelchair, though. Despite the successes and medical miracles, Gray could only walk for a few minutes, and then he needed crutches, dragging his dead leg along. Replacing the leg was still an open option, but for now Gray suffered through it. He remembered seeing Ur and the ice leg she created to replace what Deliora took from her. He really did not want to lose a leg like she had…

… Even if that meant his leg was useless.

It was no surprise that he missed the S-Class trials that December. His only reprieve was that Natsu was not picked this time. When the Dragon Slayer loudly protested, Makarov explained that he felt Natsu needed more time to mature. In the end, no one passed.

Winter was Gray's favorite time of the year, but wheeling himself around in the snow was too difficult. He watched the white world from his window, staring out at the holiday lights, listening to carolers, and glaring coldly at all the fun he was missing.

On New Year's Eve, Juvia insisted that he had to come to the guild, and despite his protests, she wheeled him there. Everyone was happy to see him, they were in the midst a big party, but Gray did not feel like celebrating. Although Natsu ran up to him, flinging compliments and insults mixed together, Gray knew all he could do was shout at the Dragon Slayer.

He could not fight. Not anymore.

Plenty of people came up to him. He had missed them, but he hated the sad looks in their eyes. He hated how they looked at the wheelchair first, and then to his legs, and finally up to his eyes. He hated having to look _up_ at everyone.

When he pulled out his crutches and stood, Mira and Lisanna began to fret over him. He felt anger boiling inside. Even if his left leg was dead and he could barely feel the right leg, he could at least _stand up_. Then Elfman slammed a hand on his back, saying that fighting to overcome injuries was manly, but that powerful strike knocked Gray over. Mira caught him, and Juvia rushed forward with the wheelchair. Gray did not bother to try standing again.

They counted down until midnight. Juvia asked if she could kiss him, and Gray placidly let her. She was thrilled beyond belief that Gray finally gave her a New Year's kiss. Then Cana also kissed him, surprising Gray with lips—and tongue—tasting strongly of beer, which led to a fight between her and one hellishly enraged Juvia. Gray watched as Natsu was about to kiss Lucy, and she held up Happy to hide from his attempt. However, then Loke appeared in a flash and stole a kiss from her anyway.

It was such a typical Fairy Tail party, but Gray felt like he was a stain on everyone's happiness, stuck there in his chair, watching the happiness around him, while he was stuck in his bubble of uselessness and depression.

As always, a fight broke out. Gray wanted to join in. He flung balls of ice at people, but when he got hit and nearly knocked backwards in his chair, Juvia fretfully wheeled him out of the fray. She stood in front of Gray and protected him with her water.

He could not even join in with a simple brawl. Others had to protect him.

"Juvia," he said softly. "It's after midnight. Take me home."

Juvia's eyes lit up. "Gray-sama wants to take Juvia home?"

"I want _you_ to take _me_ to my house. Then leave!"

"Gray-sama is so shy."

He rolled his eyes, not even in the mood to bother with her.

Natsu was in the middle of fighting Gajeel, but he saw the wheelchair moving out of the guild.

"Gray," he whispered sadly. This was all supposed to be a big, fun day to cheer him up after his injury, celebrating the start of a new year and a rebirth of their team. Instead, Gray looked even more gloomy.

Life could move on for everyone else, but Gray's life was changed forever.

Natsu reached up and touched his mouth. Memories of that kiss haunted him. He easily dodged a metal pole from Gajeel.

"I'm done for the night," he muttered, and Natsu began to head for the door.

"What's up, Salamander?" Gajeel barked. "Surrendering? Giving up already? You're as boring as that snowman."

Natsu suddenly spun around and punched Gajeel in the face, sending him flying. Flames burned in Natsu's eyes.

"Don't you dare say anything like that about Gray," he seethed.

He realized people were staring at him. He heard their whispers. '_Since when has Natsu cared that much about Gray?_' The flicker in his chest had surged for just a moment, but now he fought it back down. Ashamed and confused, Natsu turned and ran out into the midnight snow.

* * *

><p>Juvia got Gray home, although he could tell she had to struggle to push the wheelchair through the snowy sidewalks. He probably could have done some magic, maybe created a sled to ride on instead of the slippery wheels, but he felt too upset. He had not wanted to come out here to begin with. Juvia dragged him out, so she could drag him back. Perhaps a little struggle would make her understand why Gray had pretty much barricaded himself inside his house.<p>

They got inside, and she pushed him to the bedroom. Juvia offered to help him get ready for bed, but he snapped at her to leave. The last thing Gray wanted was more help. Deep down inside, he knew they all meant well, but having to rely on others was not his way. He had lived alone for so long. He used to do missions alone before being forced into a team with Erza, Lucy, Happy, and—of all people—his rival Natsu. As fun as those times had been, now the memories were painful.

They really had gone through a lot of fun and crazy adventures together. It was the best time of his life.

That would never happen again. Maybe he could still be a member of Fairy Tail, but if he could not walk, he could not do the more challenging missions.

"Maybe I should befriend an Exceed and have him fly me around," he muttered to himself.

Gray rolled himself to the bathroom, carefully shifted himself from the chair to the toilet, did his business, then rolled to the sink to wash his face and brush his teeth. He rolled over to the bed, but as he began to shift his body from the wheelchair to the mattress, his hand hit the breaks on the chair, the wheels moved, and he fell, landing on his bad leg and instantly collapsing to the ground. The jolt sent blinding white pain through his spine, where the nerves were still healing, and he screamed in agony.

He heard pounding at the door, and Juvia shouted in, "Gray-sama? Gray-sama, are you hurt?"

He breathed through hisses as the pain lingered, making his stomach ill from the intensity alone. Tears involuntarily streamed down from his eyes.

"Dammit," he growled. His fist punched into the wall. "Goddammit!"

There was the sound of water, a puddle slipped under his door, and Juvia reformed on the other side. She rushed to the bedroom and knelt beside him.

"Gray-sama! Gray-sama, are you okay?"

"Of course I'm not okay!" he snapped.

She grabbed him under the arms and hoisted him to the bed. She had to readjust his bad leg, which hung off the bed uselessly. "Juvia should have stayed. Juvia can help. Juvia _wants_ to help Gray-sama."

"I don't _want_ you," he bellowed in pain and angry. "I don't want anyone. I am _sick_ of seeing nothing but pity. Just…" He sighed and turned his head aside into a pillow. "Just let me be alone for a few days," he said softly. "Let me have some peace and quiet."

Her bottom lip quivered, but she backed off. "Juvia does not mean to bother Gray-sama. Please take care, and good night." She dipped down swiftly, kissing him on the top of his head. "Please get well, Gray-sama, and be safe."

He said nothing as she left again, but it was attitudes like that which annoyed him to no end. People kept telling him "Get well soon" and "I hope you feel better."

If the pain could be erased by just a few words, life would be easier.

However, the pain never went away completely. Either his leg, his stomach, his chest, or just the sickening memories of being shot, physical and mental pain, none of it ever completely went away.

"Is this really how it's going to be?" he asked aloud. He glared at the wheelchair. "Like this? For the rest of my life?"

He looked down at the dead leg. Although Juvia had tried to adjust it, the leg still felt strange. He shifted it a little more until the pain in his hip eased. He felt nothing. The weight of his own leg was surprisingly heavy. He had built up his muscles in both arms and legs. Now, he wondered if his leg would simply wither away.

"Maybe I should cut it off," he muttered. He poked the leg, but still, he felt nothing. "Why hold onto it?"

He knew why, though. He lost a lot that day. Not just his ability to walk. He lost his pride. He lost to that dark wizard, and then Natsu defeated the enemy for him, so in a way he lost to Natsu. He did not want to lose anything more.

* * *

><p>It was another snowy, winter day. Gray sat in his wheelchair by the window, gazing out at the world. He had his cigarettes out, smoking one with many burned out butts crushed in an ashtray. He had quit smoking long ago when Lucy complained about the smell. He had to admit, he used to have a crush on Lucy. Now, he supposed she would never want him. She would probably pick Natsu, or maybe Loke, or who knows, maybe blonds stuck together and Laxus or Sting would claim her.<p>

No woman would want some invalid like him.

Well, maybe Juvia still would.

Maybe he should just give up and let Juvia have her way. He did not really love her, she annoyed him too much to feel that way, but he did not dislike her either. He hated feeling so lonely. So far, she was the only one who still visited him frequently.

Still, she had not been by in days. She warned him that she was taking a mission. She looked guilty for leaving, but he knew that she needed to make money.

Gray was just glad that his rent was cheap and he had plenty of savings built up in the bank. Those savings were supposed to go toward a vacation he had been planning for this winter. He had wanted to go with Erza, Lucy, and Natsu up to a mountain resort for a week of skiing.

That obviously would never happen.

He wondered if the rest of their team went on the trip anyway and just did not tell him. Why should they tell him, anyway? It would just be bragging. He did not want to hear about how much fun they were having together, and Erza seemed to understand how he felt. She was keeping the others back, hoping someone who was sweet like Lucy would not make Gray feel smothered, and someone as hyper as Natsu would not accidentally hurt Gray's feelings.

Part of Gray was glad they were not around. It only made him feel deeper how much he was missing out. It made him remember the past, how much fun they had, and that only drove home the fact that he would never have fun times like that again.

Still, another part of Gray missed them. Lucy's smile lit up any room. Erza was like a big sister. Natsu was annoying, but he cared, and he had always pushed Gray to be stronger. Without them around, life was too quiet.

He took a puff on his cigarette and let the smoke slowly drift out. He really had increased his smoking over the past few weeks. He used to only smoke a couple cigarettes a day. Now, he could easily go through a whole pack. Juvia happily bought him more, but he could see that the smell annoyed her. It had _really_ annoyed Natsu back when he first began to smoke. Maybe that was a reason he started. The smell was like an instant Dragon Slayer repellent. It was relaxing, and it kept away Natsu.

Natsu…

Whenever Gray thought about that flame-brain, he thought about that day in the hospital, right after his spine surgery. He had been groggy, but he remembered the strange dream vividly. A mermaid-like version of Natsu had saved him from drowning in a sea of blood. How accurate! However, the mermaid then left him on a deserted island and swam away.

Also damn accurate.

Gray had been saved from death, but he felt isolated now. He could not move around in all that snow. He hated the looks people gave him, the pity in absolutely everyone's eyes at seeing someone so young stuck in a wheelchair. Either pity or annoyance. Since he needed room to move around, since he rolled along slower than people could walk, since he was a _nuisance to society_, as one rude businessman had shouted, some people got angry at him for simply existing and being in public with his bulky, slow wheelchair.

Angry hatred, he could take. Those sorts of people were just assholes. The pity was what ate away his soul. People who sympathized for him usually meant well. They simply did not realize how nonstop pity could be tedious, if not outright repulsive.

He was saved, but now he felt abandoned, and the pink mermaid who rescued him had left him alone to slowly wither away on his island of solitude.

But there was more that day than the dream.

There was that warmth on his lips.

It bugged him sometimes that he wondered if Natsu had kissed him, just like how the mermaid in his dream had breathed life back into his lungs.

Kissed? He was not sure if Natsu had ever kissed anyone before in his life, besides Happy. Anyway, who wanted to be kissed by a sulfur-breath idiot like him? How stupid!

Gray's hand went up to his mouth. When was the last time he had kissed someone? He used to date girls from time to time. Maybe he was never as popular as Loke, but only because he was not so bad as to date eight girls as once. Still, he had experience, he knew how to kiss them to make them melt, and he remembered the fun of finding some girl while on a mission, just some meaningless night of pleasure. Loke was partly to blame for those flings. Loke was the one who hooked Gray up with his first serious girlfriend after declaring it was a shame that a guy as handsome as Gray was still a virgin.

Gray wondered if Loke knew any girls who did not mind having a boyfriend with paralyzed legs. He also suddenly wondered if he could get hard. He had not had the urge at all since the injury. He glanced down to his crotch as that thought scared him.

The injury had been almost five months ago. He had no morning erections that whole time. He had not felt any desire to masturbate. He had not even thought about wanting to feel that pleasure.

What if he couldn't?

What if the injury had somehow affected there as well?

There was, of course, one way to check, but Gray felt repulsed at just the thought. Jerking off as a science experiment? Sheesh! He was also slightly scared. What if it was true, and he lost his ability to get erect? The possibility terrified him.

Something caught his attention. He looked out the window and saw bright pink amidst the snowy white world. Next to the pink was furry blue. Natsu and Happy walked up to Gray's apartment and apparently convinced the landlady to let them come inside.

"What the hell is _he_ doing here?"

A minute later, there was a knock on the door.

"It's unlocked," Gray called over.

The door banged open, and Natsu marched in. "Oh jeez! It reeks in here." Natsu held his nose and waved his hand at the smoky air around him. "Are you smoking again? You shouldn't, not with your lung this bad. Sheesh, smells like you've smoked a thousand cigarettes. Cheap ones, too. Gah! Open a window or something."

"What the hell do you want, flame-brain?" Gray grumbled.

The pink-head looked over to his friend. "Happy."

"Aye, sir!"

Happy flew forward, grabbed the back of Gray's collar, and yanked him up out of the wheelchair.

"What the…? Let me go, Happy!"

"Let's go," Natsu said, still plugging his nose. He passed Gray's landlady on the way down. "Air out his place, will ya? That can't be healthy."

Gray tried to struggle, but Happy had years of experience in carrying Natsu around even in battle, so Gray's weak flailing did not deter him. "What is this all about, you fire idiot?"

"You'll see," Natsu grinned excitedly.

"Look, at least I need my wheelchair. I can't walk, dammit."

"You don't need to where we're going, and that chair is a pain in the butt. That's why you've locked yourself away in your little fortress of frosty solitude, like the ice princess you are. You can't get around in that stupid chair."

"I also can't _walk._"

"I told you, you won't need to. Now just shut up like a good little snowman, or else I might have to carry you princess-style again."

"Screw you," Gray growled, but he folded his arms and let Happy carry him.

They went through the town and out to Fairy Hill. For a moment, Gray dreaded that maybe Natsu was dragging him to Juvia, to have her care for him. Instead, he saw Lisanna sledding down the snow-covered hill with Mira. Then suddenly Bickslow went flying by riding inside an inner tube, laughing with his tongue hanging out.

"What?" Gray asked, seeing that all of Fairy Tail was up on the hill

"Come on, Gray," Natsu laughed. "This was your favorite day, when we'd all go sledding. Remember?"

"But … Natsu, I can't…"

Natsu climbed up the snowy hill, and Happy flew to the top carrying Gray. Lucy was eagerly waiting for them, and Erza had the steering rope to a massive sled in her hand.

"Natsu!" Gray shouted. "I can't go riding. I can't walk."

"I told you, you don't have to walk at all," Natsu assured. "Happy, set him down."

"Aye, sir!"

Happy flew over to the sled. Lucy grabbed Gray's paralyzed legs and helped to put them into the sled. He sat down with the sled perched on the top of the hill and looked down at the white slope.

"If this thing flips…"

He suddenly felt heat press up against his back. He looked around in shock to see Natsu right behind him, his legs on either side of Gray, and his arms wrapped around him to hold onto the steering rope.

"If anything happens, I'll take care of it. Just have fun, you idiot," he said.

"Wait, Natsu," Lucy cried out. "I thought I was going to…"

"Let's go!"

"Wait!"

Happy gave them a push. The next thing Gray knew, they were racing down the hill. Snow flew out on both sides of them, the icy wind blew his hair, and Natsu whooped wildly right into his ear. For a second, Gray smiled. This was like old times, playing in the snow.

"Waaaahahaha! See, isn't it fun, Gray? Uh … uh-oh, feeling sick." Natsu turned green and queasy.

"Idiot!"

Suddenly, the sled veered sideways, and they plowed into a snowbank. In the last second before the impact, Natsu grabbed Gray and pushed him down onto the sled, covering him protectively with his own body. Powdery soft snow went all over them, burying the two. Once they stopped and things settled, Natsu pushed himself up, and snow toppled from his back and head. Gray was under him, looking up with shock.

"Are you okay?" Natsu asked worriedly.

Gray looked at the pink hair and those squinty green eyes. He felt the weight of the Dragon Slayer on top of his body, and that warmth radiated down like a blanket in winter. "Y-yeah," he whispered. Then he snapped in annoyance. "Hey, get off me!"

Natsu burst out of the snow, and he pulled the whole sled, Gray and all, out of the snowbank.

"What's the big idea, riding down that hill when you know you get sick? Are you really that much of an idiot?"

"I'm not an idiot, asshole! I just wanted to have fun with you again. Do you realize how boring it's been without you around to annoy me?"

"I can't walk!"

"I don't give a crap about that. In a wheelchair or on your own legs, you can still be there and make things more fun."

"Fun?" Gray cried out. "What's so fun about us always fighting?"

"What the hell do you mean? It's _always_ been fun, right?"

Gray stared in shock. "Always? What, are you some kind of masochist or something? Do you really _like_ when I insult you?"

"I like insulting you back," Natsu yelled. "Fairy Tail just isn't the same. I didn't save your life for you to lock yourself away. I want you back."

"I can't…"

"Goddammit, Gray, we _know_ you can't walk. We know!" Natsu growled and looked away in frustration. Then he knelt beside Gray. "We know that, idiot," he whispered. "We still want you. You're still a member of Fairy Tail. You can't walk? Fine! We'll find something to do that doesn't take walking." He put his hand over Gray's leg. "If you can't use your legs, then I'll make you realize that you can use the rest of your body. If I have to, I'll _force_ you to realize that your life isn't over just because you can't walk."

"How do you plan on _forcing_ me to realize that?"

Natsu pouted stubbornly. "I don't know," he admitted, "but I'll figure it out. Right now," his eyes softened, "let's just have fun, like we used to."

"What if I just want to be left alone?"

"Not gonna happen," Natsu insisted. "Because I heard you laughing when we were flying down that hill. I know it was fun for you. We're gonna do it again, and again, until I see you smiling."

"Why do you care?" he whispered.

"Because…" Natsu froze for a moment as the words stuck in his throat. "Because … I care for you."

Gray looked up in confusion.

"Come on, Gray! We've been friends for ages."

"We've been rivals."

"Same thing!" he shouted. "You've been pushing me from behind since I first arrived here. It's my turn to push you along. I'm gonna do whatever it takes."

Gray turned his head away, feeling burning behind his eyes. "Why?" he hissed. "Why are you so damn persistent?"

"I already told you. We're friends and rivals and teammates. We're nakama. Do I need any other reason?"

Gray saw Lucy running forward to check on them.

"Have it your way," Gray mumbled.

"Good." Natsu stood and dusted off the snow. "He's fine, Lucy. Just an idiot and stubborn."

"Natsu, you're the idiot here!" she scolded. "You know you get sick on transportation."

"Yeah, but I wanted Gray to smile again," he insisted.

"Sheesh!" she sighed, rubbing the strain out of her forehead. "Well, can you pull him up the hill? It's my turn to ride with him now."

Gray stayed seated in the sled as Natsu trudged back up the snowy hill for another run. Despite himself, as he saw all of his friends again, saw them laughing and slipping all over the place, he had to smile.

"Hey, Gray!" Jet shouted over. "Can you make an ice ramp? That way we can go flying off the ramp. You do that every year."

He nodded and put his hands together. "Ice-Make: Ramp!"

Beside the snowy hill formed a sparkling slide of crystalline ice going all the way down with a curve at the end. Jet immediately jumped on it with his inner tube, whizzed down, and at the end of the ramp he went flying into the air with a hoot of joy before crashing into the snow below. Levy went down the ice ramp and flew into the air. Jet managed to catch her before she hit hard. Then Gajeel jumped on, got sick on the way down, and collided heavily right into both Jet and Levy. All three collapsed into a pile.

Wendy clapped her hands. "That looks like such fun. Let's try it, Carla."

"I'm not going on that," the Exceed exclaimed.

Romeo walked up to Wendy. "My sled is big enough, if you want to ride with me."

Wendy blushed brightly. "Oh … th-th-thank you, Romeo."

As he watched others slide down his ramp, Gray laughed softly. Maybe he was useful after all.

"That's what I wanted to see."

Gray jolted and looked over to see Natsu smiling at him. However, the Dragon Slayer turned away quickly. Gray watched him, thinking Natsu was acting a lot stranger than normal.

Cana suddenly sat down behind Gray. "We're going for a ride, snowman."

"Hey!" Lucy shouted. "I said it was my turn!"

"You're as jealous as Juvia," Cana complained.

Lucy puffed out her cheeks and folded her arms. "It's _not_ jealousy! Don't put me on the same level as her."

"Then see ya!" Cana pushed off and slid down the snowy hill, riding behind Gray. She guided the sled with ease, and they came to a smooth stop at the bottom of the hill.

"You're pretty good at sledding, Cana," Gray complimented.

"I might be drunk most of the time, but I'm still able to drive straight." She stood and waited for Gray to get off the sled. It dawned on her belatedly that he could not stand up. "Ugh, don't tell me I have to drag you back up the hill," she moaned. "Damn, I didn't think about that."

Gray's eyes drifted to the side. For how fun it was, he still had to rely on others. He did not like that at all. He had been alone for so long, he was used to being completely self-sufficient.

"I've got him!"

Gray was shocked to see that Natsu had raced down the hill. Cana left Gray to him, and Natsu grinned as he grabbed the sled rope.

"I'm only doing this two more times, got it?" Natsu insisted. "Make sure you ride with Lucy. She really wanted to have fun with you. Maybe you two can hook up."

"I thought she'd hook up with you," Gray said as they saw Mira and Erza racing one another down the hill on sleds, looking fiercely competitive.

"Huh? Me and Lucy?" Natsu asked in shock. "She's like … like a sister or something."

"Same here. Like Erza."

"Precisely. Like Erza is a big, mean, scary sister."

"You're only saying that now because she's at the bottom of the hill and can't hear you."

"Hey, I'm not suicidal!"

Gray looked off at the guild having fun. "Um, Natsu … uh, that day, on the bridge. Sorry about that."

"You were just being stupid. I'm used to it."

"I really did plan to jump," Gray muttered. "When I got there … I dunno. I just didn't want to anymore. I thought to myself: what a waste! Everything the doctors did, how hard all those nurses worked, it'd be a waste if I just jumped into a river and let myself drown."

Natsu glanced back at him with sorrowful eyes.

"At the same time…" He looked down at his legs. "My life is never going to be the same."

"Who wants life to stay the same as always?" Natsu shrugged. "It's boring that way."

"Maybe," Gray agreed. "But it's not much of a life to look forward to."

"Don't talk like that or I'll bury you in the snow." Natsu frowned as he trudged up the hill. "We'll do something about it."

"I don't want to hold back the team."

"I don't mean about missions. I mean about you."

"About me?" asked Gray. "The doctors did all they can. They said I'll eventually regain the use of my right leg, but not the left one."

"And like I said, we'll do something about it. We'll find a healer who can repair damage like that."

"Makarov's already asked…"

"I said we'll figure it out," Natsu snapped. "For now, let's just have fun. We can be a group of friends and not be wizards-for-hire, right? So let's be friends. You don't need legs to be a friend. If worst comes to worst, we'll find someone who can teach you levitation magic. Hah! Then you really would float around like a snowflake princess."

"Shut up, sulfur-breath!"

As Natsu pulled him up the hill, they bickered back and forth. The rest of Fairy Tail watched with light smiles, glad to see Gray and Natsu back to their old habits.

**End of Chapter 6**

* * *

><p><em>AN: Happy New Year!_


	7. Pain and Pleasure

_"Face your life, its pain, its pleasure, leave no path untaken."  
>― Neil Gaiman<em>

* * *

><p>Chapter 7<p>

**Pain and Pleasure**

When the fun was at last over and friends waved goodbye to one another, eager to get back to their homes and in front of a warm fire, Natsu dragged Gray home in the sled. Happy flew along, but he was getting cold, so Natsu encouraged him to go to the guild, which was right down the hill, and warm up. He promised to meet Happy back at home.

Gray felt weird, sitting in a sled and being pulled down the street, with people looking at them oddly. However, it was better than the pity people showed with the wheelchair. Plus it was more fun.

"Yah, horsey!" Gray shouted teasingly.

"Bastard! I am _not_ your horse," Natsu shouted back.

"Yah! Yah! Giddy up, pony."

"Shut up!"

Gray laughed at making the Dragon Slayer annoyed. He always felt guilty about making Juvia take care of him, but somehow, having Natsu forced into caring for his needs was far more fun.

They reached his apartment, but the sled was large and would not fit inside. Natsu pulled Gray up onto his back, placed the sled against a storage room wall, and carried Gray up the stairs.

Natsu grumbled, "You are seriously heavy, bastard."

"Yah!"

"Stop with the damn _yah-yah_ crap."

Gray chuckled deviously.

Since he knew Gray could not see his face, Natsu also smiled. Hearing Gray laughing again was worth even carrying his heavy ass up the stairs.

Finally, they were inside Gray's apartment, and Natsu unceremoniously dumped Gray into the wheelchair.

"What do you need, popsicle pants? Hot tea? A bath?"

"I really need to warm this leg back up," he said, poking the dead leg. "I can adjust my body temperature everywhere else, but I'm never sure if it's working for my legs."

"Sure thing."

Natsu rushed off to the bathroom. He began to fix a hot bath, but then he realized that Gray was sensitive to heat. He adjusted the water to be a bit cooler, but still hot enough. Then he went back to fetch Gray.

"I'll stick around long enough for you to wash up," Natsu said as he wheeled Gray to the tub. "Do you need help getting in?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I've slipped a few times trying to do it on my own."

"Well, you can strip yourself. I ain't doing that!"

Gray removed his clothes, and Natsu put them in a hamper. When he came back and saw Gray sitting naked in the wheelchair, Natsu gulped. He had offered to help, but he just now realized that meant lifting Gray's naked body.

He carefully grabbed around behind the knees, easing the legs up while bracing the wheelchair so it would not roll or flip. Gray helped by wrapping an arm around Natsu's neck and shifting his lower body. Then Natsu lifted him up into his arms. Gray's body was cold, but his legs were really icy. He looked down at them with worry. The left leg was deformed, the chunk blasted out of it could not fully heal, and the skin that grew over was discolored, paper thin, and lumpy as it covered what had been torn bits of muscle and tendons. He saw a pink ice burn on Gray's toes.

"It looks like you might have frost nip," he pointed out.

"I was afraid of that," Gray frowned. He tried to look at his legs, but he was held too awkwardly. "I got frost nip a lot when I was still learning Ice-Make magic. I trained hard to learn how to adjust my body temperature, but if I can't feel my leg, I can't judge the effects of the cold."

Natsu carefully settled Gray down into the bath water, and then he lifted the left leg. Gray frowned as the movement shifted his hip. It was still an odd feeling, having no sensations past the thigh. He knew his leg was moving, he felt the effects on his upper quads and hip, but the leg Natsu held was almost not like his own.

"It's just a bit pink." Slowly, Natsu eased the leg into the water. "Does it feel okay?"

Gray scoffed softly. "I can't feel anything. My toe could have frozen and broken off and I wouldn't know."

"Oh, right," Natsu muttered, looking sadly down at the leg. "Well, it seems to be fine from what I can see. How about the rest of your body?" Natsu's eyes gazed over the muscles and scars. "Are you good?"

"Y-yeah," Gray mumbled, feeling awkward at Natsu's examination. "I'm fine, really. Thanks." He wanted those narrow eyes off of him.

"No prob! Want anything to eat while I mess up your kitchen?"

Cheekily, Gray replied, "Filet mignon with a Béarnaise sause, roasted red potatoes drizzled with garlic butter, served with steamed asparagus sprinkled with sweet basil and freshly grated parmigiano."

"Screw you! You get instant ramen."

"You make a horrible housewife."

Natsu turned away. "Shut up," he grumbled, and he stepped out of the bathroom.

Gray eyed the door. Was that … a blush? No way, Natsu was probably just flushed from all the winter fun.

As Gray soaked, he relaxed, closed his eyes, sighed deeply, and his whole body felt wonderful. Then, he felt a tingle in his groin. When he opened his eyes and looked down, he saw a troubling issue poking up to the surface like a water mushroom.

"Finally," he muttered.

It was his first time getting erect since the injury, and just that morning he had worried if maybe he was impotent now. It was a huge relief to know _that_ still worked. He reached down and touched it lightly. It felt good, just like how it always felt. However, he realized that Natsu was in his house. There was no way he could pleasure himself when the Dragon Slayer would probably hear him.

* * *

><p>Outside the door, Natsu lingered, listening and sniffing. He could smell arousal, and when he heard Gray mutter "Finally," he guessed that this was an issue. Evergreen had teased once that since Gray got paralyzed, maybe he couldn't <em>perform<em>. Natsu frowned at even thinking about that happening to another guy. He might think of Gray as a rival, but he would never want him to go impotent.

If Gray was finally aroused, Natsu did not want to be in the way.

* * *

><p>Gray was just lightly touching himself when there was a knock on the bathroom door. He jolted, splashing water, and instinctively covered his groin with both hands.<p>

"_What?_" he shouted, and his voice cracked a little.

"Hey, um … you're out of some food. I'm gonna head to the store. Will you be okay if I leave you for … say, twenty or thirty minutes?"

"Yeah," he shouted, his heart still racing.

"I'll come back to help you get out. I just want to make sure you're not going to melt in that hot water."

"Screw you! I'll be fine. Go shopping like a good wife."

"Up yours, ice princess!"

Gray listened, cocking his ear to the side. Finally, he heard his front door slam shut.

"Oh, thank God," he sighed. "Twenty minutes, huh? Perfect."

He grabbed himself and began to stroke. He knew he needed to hurry, but as pleasure tingled warmly through his body, Gray could hardly help but savor this. His fingers slid down slowly, enjoying the sensation he had missed. He closed his eyes and imagined … well, not much in particular. Gray preferred to imagine some busty, shapely woman, but this time he just stroked and enjoyed it for what it was, no daydreams or fantasies.

How long had it been? He used to jerk off a few times a week. Now, it had been months. His body felt like it was waking up from hibernation, and it was starving with a carnal craving that could not be left unsatisfied!

"Ooh God," he shuddered.

The hot bath water splashed a little with each thrust down. The wetness, the heat, the grip of his fingers: it was all so wonderful. Gray tensed up with pleasure, but he felt the odd sensation of his leg almost but not fully working. Tightening the muscles in his butt made the leg hurt.

"Oww! Shit," he hissed. He rubbed out the upper thigh just above the hideous scar, the only part he could feel now. This was going to be an issue after all.

He tried to relax and stroked some more. He found a nice rhythm and groaned, not bothering to be quiet. He would hear when the door opened again, and Natsu would probably take a while walking to the store. It was not like the fire idiot would rush back just to help him out of the bath.

"Ah … oh yeah," he moaned deeply. "Ooh that's … ow!"

He had tensed up again, and he slipped downward in the bathtub, unable to use his legs to hold up his torso.

"Goddammit, I just wanna enjoy this," he shouted in frustration.

He readjusted his body into a comfortable position, grabbed himself with even more purpose, and stroked. His brow tensed with determination. He was going to jerk off, and he was going to enjoy this, dammit! It might take some adjustments on what his body could and could not do now, but _fuck it all_ he was going to _enjoy this!_

* * *

><p>Just outside the door, Natsu was listening. He had made it sound like he left, but he was truly worried for Gray. As he heard frustration after frustration, he felt more sorry for the guy. He knew losing the ability to walk was devastating—he honestly had no clue what he would do if this happened to him—but to also lose something this intimate…<p>

He wanted to root on Gray, encourage him to keep trying, keep at it, and rediscover that masculine side of pleasure.

At the same time, eavesdropping as his teammate masturbated was embarrassing as hell. His mind was still in shock about that kiss in the hospital. He was not in love, definitely not with Gray of all people, so why had he done that? What the hell inspired him to _kiss_ Gray?

"Ooh yeah … ooh … shit, oww, okay don't tense the leg. Dammit. Mmmmh … oh, that's better. Ooh, much better."

Natsu deftly reached down and palmed himself. He figured this was just a natural reaction. He was listening to someone pleasure themselves, and no matter if it was someone he knew, a total stranger, or just porn, of course he would get aroused hearing this. He just needed to force himself not to imagine too hard that it was Gray Fullbuster.

It didn't work.

"Oooh … oh God … fuck, that's … damn, I wish he would've stayed away longer."

Natsu partly wished that, too. He knew he would need time to deal with his own issue. This erection was not going to go away on its own.

There was one way to take care of an erection, of course. Natsu eyed a box of tissues in Gray's home. He bit his lip, unsure about this. If he got caught, Gray would hate him forever. Still, the alternative was to do nothing, which would be painful, or to run back home and finish off, which would take too long. If he took too long, Gray might try to get out of the tub by himself. If he did that, fell, and injured himself again, Natsu would feel guilty.

He justified that, to keep Gray safe, he needed to stay in this apartment, and that meant dealing with his personal needs right here. He walked over, grabbed a handful of tissues, and unzipped his pants.

* * *

><p>Gray was slowly figuring out what movements hurt, how not to tense up his thighs and place all muscle tension in his stomach. In a way, it was like relearning how to masturbate. The general action was the same as always, but the reactions of his body had to be slightly different.<p>

Still, it felt so good!

Having gone without it for so long, the pleasure was even more intense. His head leaned back against the tile, panting and moaning without restraint. He completely forgot to keep an ear out for Natsu returning home. If that idiot came home now, he could just deal with it. This was Gray's home, and if he wanted to jerk off in the bathtub, he damn well could do it!

For how much he loved the feel, he knew that he would not last for much longer. Then he realized, if he came in the water, that would be bad. Natsu would be back, help him out, and see the mess in the water.

"Toilet paper, toilet paper," he hissed, feeling the end approaching.

He sat up, stretched over to the toilet, and yanked on the roll of paper. It spun around, unraveling, and Gray grabbed up a hurried handful. Part of it stuck to his wet hand, but he yanked off a large wad. Then he flopped back into the tub and focused on stroking himself.

"Oh God … ooooh damn, so close. Dammit, I wanted to last longer. So good … _ooowww!_ Idiot, don't tense the legs, tense the stomach. Still … so … damn … good. Shit!"

* * *

><p>Outside, Natsu leaned against the wall, listening to Gray's moans coming faster, louder, no longer timid at all. His face was red and strained, with veins sticking out on his neck. His wrist worked fast, stroking his turgid arousal, feeling it heat up as his body tingled more with his racing heart. This felt naughty and exciting: the possibility of getting caught, the danger of doing this in someone else's house, the potential shame if someone walking in right now. However, he held back just a while. He wanted to listen to Gray until the end. He covered his mouth to hold back any sounds.<p>

Gray's moans reverberated through the bathroom and out the closed door. "Hah! Oh God! Shit, so good. Yes, like … that … oh _God!_"

Natsu tensed up. He wanted to hold back. He was aching to release already, but for some reason, maybe a sense of rivalry, he wanted to last longer than Gray.

No … he wanted to come at the same time.

He did not fully understand why, but he wanted to share in this. He slowed his stroking just a little, hovering on the cusp, shivering as the pleasure lingered and grew stronger the longer he forced himself to delay.

* * *

><p>In the bath, Gray punched a wall. Tightening his abdomen was turning out to be far more painful than he imagined. He still had scars from the numerous operations to fix his internal organs. If he could not tighten his legs, and could not tighten his stomach, what could he do?<p>

He now wanted this to finish quickly, before the pain killed his erection. He gritted his teeth as the tingle in his groin became an intense burn. He shuddered as it felt like everything within him was concentrating to a single point, and that nucleus of pleasure was reaching critical mass, about to explode.

"Oh … shit, yes … yes! Damn!" He cringed in a moment of pain, but the pleasure was far more overwhelming. "Oh fu- … Oh God, gonna … nnngh! Ah! Ahhhhh!"

His spine arched up, and his hand with the toilet paper moved over just in time to catch the mess shooting out. Gray's head flew back, and although that meant he slid awkwardly into the water, he scarcely cared anymore as jolts of intense pleasure flowed through him and out of him.

"Hah … nnngh … mmmh…" His whole body buzzed with the afterglow of pleasure. "Oh damn, I needed that," he groaned. He slowly pulled the wet toilet paper away and saw the large amount of milky fluid caught within. "Crap, that was a lot." He flopped back again, worn out and tingling. "Daaaamn … totally needed that."

* * *

><p>Outside the door, Natsu was biting his hand to keep himself quiet. He shuddered as he slowly pulled back the tissues and saw how much semen was caught inside. Inside the bathroom, he heard the Ice-Make wizard huffing out in weary satisfaction.<p>

"Gray," he breathed almost silently.

Slowly, being as quiet as possible, Natsu tucked himself away and straightened his clothes. Then he realized, he needed to throw away the tissues. If he just tossed them into the trash, Gray might find it and wonder what the heck a tissue full of semen was doing in his wastebasket. If he went out the door to throw it away somewhere else, Gray might hear, especially since now he would be listening out for Natsu's return. Natsu looked around frantically. Finally, he put the messy tissues in a plastic sandwich bag to seal it and shoved it deep into his pocket. He would just have to toss it later.

He stood in the kitchen, slumped over the sink, resting his head down in his hands as his heart slowed back to normal. He felt ashamed. He should have actually left, given Gray privacy, that way he would not have gotten aroused, done something like that, and feel so horribly awkward afterward. Now he had to face Gray, walk into that bathroom, help him out of the tub, and not act weird.

Natsu bit his thumb and looked away. Why had he wanted to come at the same time as Gray? Why would listening to Gray even get him hard in the first place? Worst of all, why had doing it this way made him more overwhelmed and feeling happier than doing it alone at home?

What was going on with him?

After a few minutes, Natsu felt he was calm enough. He tiptoed over to the front door, opened it, and slammed it back shut. He heard a splash in the tub. Gray was obviously listening for that noise.

"I'm back," he shouted.

Gray called out from the bathroom, "I'm still here. Nowhere else to go."

"You didn't drown, did you?"

"Does it sound like I drowned, idiot?"

Natsu walked over to the bathroom door, but he hesitated. He had to go in there and pretend he had heard nothing at all. Determined, he grabbed the doorknob and opened it. Steam puffed around him. Even if he had left, he would have known what Gray did. The scent of semen filled the room.

"Is my princess all right?" he asked jokingly. "Were you lonely while I was gone?"

"Screw you!"

"Well, you haven't melted. Ready to get out of here, ice princess?"

"Sure," Gray shrugged, looking perfectly relaxed. Actually, Natsu thought he looked much better. He had color to his face, a light smile, his eyes shined as he stared blankly ahead, and his overall body carriage was more serene. Deep down inside, he dearly hoped that maybe rediscovering self-pleasuring would do Gray some good.

Natsu took a brief look at the water, not wanting to plunge his hands in and get semen on him. Then he saw out of the corner of his eye, a large wad of paper in the wastebasket. So, Gray also caught it with tissues, just like he did. Natsu struggled not to smile.

Why would that similarity even make him happy?

He reached down into the water, slid his arms around Gray, and lifted him up, holding tightly so the wet body would not slip.

"How the hell do I dry you?"

"You were supposed to grab a towel first, idiot," Gray muttered.

"No one told me that."

"Then how else do you dry yourself?"

"Easy. Like this." Natsu set himself on fire. The flames went all around Gray.

"Argh! Idiot! Not me."

"These sorts of flames don't burn," Natsu told him casually.

Gray was about to protest that they would, but then he realized the flames felt only warm, not blistering. It was a strangely comforting feeling, being held by this summery body, in arms that he knew would never drop him, and the heat all around them, flames wrapping them in a column of pleasant warmth. In no time, he dried while being held in Natsu's arms. Then the flames snuffed out.

"Better?" Natsu grinned.

Gray rolled his eyes and looked away, trying to act annoyed. "Don't do that again."

"Hey, it worked, so don't complain." Natsu carefully placed Gray onto the wheelchair. "You dress yourself, though."

"I'm not totally helpless, idiot!"

"Then quit acting like you are."

Gray jolted and looked up at Natsu in surprise. He had a point. The doctors had tried to be optimistic, but they gave Gray a realistic outlook, and it was a grim thing to face. The nurses had catered to him, warning him not to move while his intestinal track was still healing. Erza and Lucy had pampered him in the hospital. Then when he got out of the hospital, Juvia kept insisting on doing everything around the house. He had slipped into the mindset that he was helpless, an invalid, his life ruined, his body broken in a way that could never be fully mended.

He knew he had been permanently weakened. He knew his life would never be the same. Still, around Natsu, that old rivalry made him want to try harder, push himself, and not give in to the pain. Just like earlier, in the bathtub, he had not wanted to give in when he hurt. It was mostly for himself, but a part of him had realized that Natsu probably jerked off whenever he pleased … if a totally immature idiot like him even knew what his penis was for besides pissing! He pushed past the pain and frustration because he wanted to enjoy himself and beat Natsu's time, finishing before he returned from the store.

"Oh, by the way," Gray said as Natsu wheeled him to the bedroom. "What did you buy?"

Natsu jolted. Crap! He forgot about that. "Turned out I don't have money on me, and I didn't want to just take yours." That was mostly true. He had maybe enough Jewels on him to buy a candy bar.

"Sheesh, if you had just asked before running off, I could have given you a little, since you're buying it for me to eat."

"Mmh. Maybe next time."

"Who says I want you over again?"

"If you keep locking yourself away like a princess in a tower, then I'm gonna come and pester you. That's what dragons do to captured princesses, ya know."

"Don't dragons _eat_ the princess?"

Natsu's face heated up with embarrassment. A second later, he realized Gray had no clue what he just said, and he had a hell of a tease coming up. He chuckled slyly, "Aww, Gray. I didn't think you'd want me to do _that_."

"Huh?" Gray realized the double entendre to his words too late. "What the hell!" he bellowed. "I didn't mean it _that_ way."

"Well, I could nibble you." He leaned over and lightly nipped Gray's ear.

Gray's hand clapped over his ear as his face turned bright red. "Stop it! That's gross."

He grinned deviously. "Do you like biting, Gray?"

"Sh-shut up!"

Natsu gave him a predatory smile. "Dragons do like to bite, ya know."

His face steamed like frost in the sunshine. "I said shut the hell up!"

They playfully teased one another through the rest of the evening. When at last Natsu left and Gray collapsed into bed, he fell asleep with a smile on his face for the first time in months.

**End of Chapter 7**


	8. Fiery Fantasies

_"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,_  
><em>Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before."<em>  
><em>—Edgar Allen Poe<em>

* * *

><p>Chapter 8<p>

**Fiery Fantasies**

Gray was having a hell of a dream. He was trapped in a stone tower built on a rocky island. All around the island lay the crackled and tortured surface of a frozen lake. There was no exit from his prison but a window that overlooked the lake and a snowy field beyond, dead and barren. In the bleak sky, the clouds rolled tumultuously like angry, argent bubbles ready to burst and release Hell on Earth.

As if being captive was not bad enough, Gray was stuck in a white and pale blue princess gown, full skirt and puffy sleeves with a tiara on his head. He threw the tiara away, smashing it into the wall, but no amount of pulling would get the dress off. He was ready to just shred the fabric when the light from the window snuffed out. When he looked over, a giant dragon's eye was peering in.

"Is my princess all right?" the red beast asked in a deep and rumbling voice. "Were you lonely while I was gone?"

Gray backed away to the far side of the room, but he tripped on a spinning wheel, and the threads wrapped around his legs. He struggled, but suddenly he could not move his legs at all. They were trapped, tied together.

"Does the ice princess need some help?" the dragon asked. "You're not helpless, so stop acting like you are."

Gray still struggled to break free from the threads that bound his legs, but there was no way to walk. His fighting was in vain. The threads kept getting tighter, until he lost sensation in one leg. Suddenly, Gray began to cry. He was not even sure why. The tears streamed down, thick sobs that shuddered from deep within his soul.

"So you needed to cry, huh?" the dragon said with a hint of sadness to his voice. "That's why you've locked yourself away in your little fortress of frosty solitude, like the ice princess you are."

"Shut up," Gray yelled, still sobbing and feeling humiliated for crying in front of this strong and noble creature.

"If you can't use your legs, then I'll make you realize that you can use the rest of your body."

Gray looked up into those slit-pupil green eyes. The rest of his body? He looked down at his hands. His legs might not work, but he had the rest of his body. He used his arms to pull himself backward.

"Ready to get out of here, ice princess?"

Suddenly, there were flames outside the window, a raging inferno. Gray shielded his eyes from the intense heat. When it faded, instead of a dragon, a man with pink hair, devil horns, and a light dusting of scales on his cheeks stood in the room. He peered down at Gray with narrow, fiery eyes.

Gray gasped at the sight. "Natsu?" he whispered. His heart began to speed up just seeing the pink-haired man wearing a crimson tunic with gold embroidered wyverns, standing over him like a prince of dragons gazing down at his betrothed ice-devil princess.

With a gaze that made Gray tremble, the fiery demon strode forward. Gray tried to crawl back across the floor, but he could not escape.

"You look cute in that dress," Natsu said with a sly smile.

"Bite me!" he snapped angrily.

Natsu smirked hungrily. "Really?"

He scooped Gray up into his arms and carried him to a bed. Gray could not escape, and he felt immobilized with fear of this demonic fiend. He was dropped down onto the mattress, and Natsu climbed on top of him.

"Hey!" Gray shouted in shock.

"I could nibble you."

A burning mouth descended on him, mouthing along his ear and down his neck. Gray struggled to break free.

"N-no. Stop," he moaned as the heat made him tingle. He tried to push the assaulting dragon prince aside. In annoyance, Natsu grabbed Gray's hands and pinned his wrists to the headboard.

"If you keep locking yourself away like a princess in a tower, then I'm gonna come and pester you," Natsu threatened. He leaned in close until his lips were fluttering right over Gray's mouth. "That's what dragons do to captured princesses, ya know."

Instead of kissing him, that hot mouth moved aside, licked his cheek, nipped his ear, then slithered wetly about the shell and suckled on the earlobe.

"Natsu," he whimpered, squirming around as the hot, wet tongue lapped along his skin. "Stop." He felt himself blushing fiercely.

"That's what I wanted to see." A thick claw reached up and, in a single swipe, tore the dress in two. "How much do you want your legs back?"

Gray looked up with confusion. His legs … back?

"What would you give me?"

"Anything," he said automatically. "I'd give anything to walk again."

"I'll do something about it."

"Wh-what?" he breathed in shock.

"I said I'll do something about it. I'll figure it out. I'll make you whole, Gray. That's what you want most, right?"

"Yes!" he cried out. "But … in return?"

Those fierce, blazing eyes gazed down at him. "I want something precious. Something from you that no one else can take."

"Something … from me."

Sharp teeth grinned hungrily. "Dragons do like to bite, ya know."

The half-dragon prince lowered down to Gray's groin. The ice devil princess watched in horror, and then suddenly heat was all around his erection. Gray's hips instinctively thrust into the scalding mouth.

"Arrrgh! Natsu! Ooh God." He could hardly believe this was happening, and although one part of him wanted to say no, another stronger part of his soul wanted this feeling.

"Don't dragons _eat_ the princess?" Natsu asked as his mouth worked eagerly.

Gray shuddered and arched up. "Natsu! It hurts. _It hurts!_ My legs!"

Fiery heat ran up his legs, and he felt the spinning wheel threads sizzle away. It tingled sharply, burning with intense pain, but slowly the pain faded. Gray looked down and saw that his legs were free. He gazed at Natsu in surprise. Natsu had him here, captured, yet he had freed a part of him.

"I'll heal you, Gray," the dragon prince said in a tender voice, but suddenly his eyes narrowed, "but it'll cost you."

Gray scoffed. "If you want my virginity, you're too late to claim that, pervert."

The fire burned hotter with indignation. "No! I want something better than just sex. I want to be your first love."

Gray's eyes grew massive. First love? How could this flame-brain know that, although he had slept with a few girls, Gray had never truly fallen in love with someone? He felt himself trembling now.

Natsu slowly licked up the arousal and then grinned fiendishly at Gray. "I'm going to make you fall in love with me."

"I won't let you," Gray said quietly, terrified of this hellish demon who was not after his body, but his soul.

Natsu smirked arrogantly. "You'll _want_ to. You'll want me. You'll give me your soul, and one day, you'll beg me to take your body as well."

"Like hell! Let me go!"

"It's your tower, Gray. You locked yourself in here. You could banish me if you really wanted to." The mouth went back over his groin, laying kisses along it. "But … I don't think you want me to go, not really." He gave another long, slow, sensual lick. "Yesssss! I think you already _like_ it." He dived down, taking Gray all the way to the back of his throat.

Gray shuddered, but this time there was no pain. It felt incredible, and his legs no longer hurt. Nothing hurt. It was only pleasure, hot and wet and amazing. He gazed down, over his chest and abdomen and black patch of hair, down to where those piercing green eyes were watching him with intensity. Natsu's mouth was full and busy, but those eyes caught every twitch, every bitten lip, every vain attempt at holding back moans of ecstasy. The sucking was intense and wonderful and…

… and too much!

"Natsu!" he cried out. "No! I'm … I'm gonna—_nnnngh_—Natsuuuu!"

* * *

><p>Gray jolted up, breathless, sweating and … wet.<p>

He looked down and saw a moist spot on his tangled sheets.

"Shit," he moaned.

A wet dream! He had not had one of those in a while. And … was that really Natsu in his dream? Damn that stupid flame-brain and his teasing!

Gray threw back the covers and groaned as he realized that he really had made a mess. He cursed, knowing he needed to clean this up before Juvia arrived in the morning. If she saw his sheets and pajamas messed like this, she would spout off asking if he was dreaming about her. As if!

But seriously, why the hell was he dreaming about _Natsu_ of all people?

It pissed him off. His first wet dream in over a year, and it was Natsu Furnace-Face Dragneel who had to be his nighttime succubus—or, _incubus_ he supposed was the gender-appropriate term.

Seriously, dreaming of a guy, and _that guy_ in particular! He wasn't even gay! Why would he have an erotic dream about a man?

Gray decided right there, he did not want to be around Natsu for a while. He would prefer to put up with Juvia swooning over him and calling him Gray-sama all the time, rather than have weird dreams about Natsu sucking him off. He shuddered just remembering it. He hoped this would end up being one of those dreams that faded away, only to be forgotten by sunrise.

For now, he had to figure out how to change the sheets on his bed when he could not stand.

Or … could he?

As Gray scooted to the edge of the bed, he realized something. His right leg moved with him. He could _feel_ his right leg completely. The two legs hung off the edge of the bed. The left leg was still a specter, visible but with no sensation. The right, though…

He slowly lifted his right leg. It was sore, the muscles atrophied, but the leg moved at his mental command. He wiggled his toes, and even that he could feel.

Gray laughed in amazement as he realized he had regained sensation finally. The surgery on his spine truly worked. He now had one leg back. Tears clustered in the corners of his eyes as he moved his ankles, his toes, and his knee. He laughed insanely as tears tumbled down his cheeks, overwhelmed with the joy of simply flexing his toes.

He grabbed a crutch, and he slowly stood up. There was nothing in the left leg, but he felt the entire length of his right leg. He sputtered out a wet, crying laugh. He felt intensely relieved that, at last, he had regained a piece of himself.

In his happiness, the dream of the fiery demon was forgotten, melting away with the joy of being a little more whole.

**End of Chapter 8**

* * *

><p><em>AN: In other fanfics, I've employed my fascination with archetypes and dream symbolism, which I know I need to explain since few people know about how to decipher dreams. These descriptions come from various sources about dream symbolism and interpretation._

_To dream of being alone in a **tower** is a sign that the dreamer is not in touch with certain circumstances or issues in life and needs to understand them thoroughly before taking any action. It can reflect that you are putting up a wall between you and others, shutting down emotionally, the metaphor of being "in an ivory tower." Alternatively, a tower symbolizes the phallus._

_**A frozen lake** represents frozen emotions. Water in dreams reflects your emotional state of mind, and the size and condition of the water denotes the amount and quality of emotions that may be surfacing within you. To dream that the water is frozen represents something that has been suppressed, rejected, or denied. You feel restricted by cold or bitter feelings, and you can't express your emotions freely._

_To see a **snow-covered field** signifies lack, pessimism and your jaded prospects for the future. Alternatively, it can represent your desire to put yourself above your bleak environment, whatever it may cost you._

_To dream of **dark or stormy clouds** symbolizes depression or anger. It indicates an impending eruption of emotions._

_Dreaming about a **dragon** represents your strong will, passions and secret desires. You tend to get carried away by your passion, which may lead you into trouble. Alternatively, dragons may represent a mental battle between your own internal monster as you strive to reach inner resources. A struggle with a dragon may reflect the dreamer's revolt against whatever is blocking one's path to glory. Seeing a **red dragon** symbolizes sexuality and intimacy. If a red dragon attacks you – you may get a very intimate offer._

_Seeing a **spinning wheel** in your dream may be telling you to work on putting together the pieces of your life and look at the broader picture. Spinning wheels symbolize creativity. You have the ability to create something out of seemingly nothing._

_To dream that you are **bound or tied up** represents your need to be free from a situation. According to Freud, this dream may be an indication of repressed sexual fantasy._

_Dreaming of being **paralyzed** can mean that you have a feeling in your waking life that things are not under your control and you really don't know what to do. Paralysis can also indicate that you are afraid to do or say something in day to day life. You may feel unable to deal with a situation or change anything. Symbolically, your paralysis may be rooted in your anger and frustration._

_To dream that you are **crying** signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In your daily lives, you tend to ignore, deny, or repress your feelings; however, in your dream state, your defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of those feelings that you have repressed during the day._

_Dreams about giving or receiving **oral sex** are symbolic of your creative energy and reaffirm that you are headed in the right direction in life._

_If you are not homosexual in your waking life and dream about **sex with a person of the same gender**, it represents a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and compassion. For males, if you are uncomfortable with homosexuality in your dream, then it suggests some fears or anxieties about your masculinity._

_To dream that you are having **sex with a friend** refers to the closeness you share with your friend. Because you two share so much between each other and know so much about each other, the dreaming mind may depict this close bond as sex. Alternatively, such a dream could indicate a level of attraction between you and your friend, but you are too afraid to act on it. Thus your desires are manifested in a dream._


	9. Pretty Girls of a Northern Town

"_That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."  
>― J.D. Salinger<em>

* * *

><p>Chapter 9<p>

**Pretty Girls of a Northern Town**

Gray was able to walk, but not easily. He had use of one leg, but the other was still paralyzed. He had to wear a special brace and boot, since he could not feel his foot and had accidentally broken one toe simply because he did not realize he bumped it. The brace went up to his thigh, protecting the knee from flopping and dislocating. Still, although he could not feel most of the left leg, he insisted on walking whenever he possibly could. He got better crutches from his doctor. He learned how to balance on the part of his leg he could feel, swinging the heavy weight of his left leg with the hip and guiding the leg by using the crutches to pull himself along. It was less than ideal, but Gray was glad to get out of the wheelchair as much as possible.

Still, for most things, the chair was simply easier. If he wanted to go to the guild hall, rolling along with the wheelchair was much faster than a slow and awkward hobble on his crutches. Once there, he parked the wheelchair in a corner and tried to pretend he no longer needed it.

Erza vehemently insisted that, to celebrate Gray's recovery, they would go on a trip to a therapeutic spa. Rather than have it as just the team, pretty much anyone who wanted to come was invited.

Juvia began to sob that she had already taken a mission that would take her south, in the opposite direction of the spa. Levy wanted to come with Lucy, Jet and Droy leaped at the chance to go with her, and Gajeel grumbled that he was heading north anyway for a mission so he might as well go along for a day or two. Wendy was not too sure, but Lucy urged her to come, stating that the spa had a large library on magical healing books. Romeo asked Natsu if he could go too, and Natsu realized he kept looking over to Wendy, so of course the Dragon Slayer told him to come along for the trip. That meant Macao needed to go as his father—he insisted upon it, while Romeo shouted that he was old enough to go on his own—and Wakaba was not about to lose his drinking partner.

Makarov heard about it and wanted to come, giving some excuse about arthritis. Worried for the aging guild master, Mira said that perhaps she should come too, and none of the men were about to object. Laxus got angry at Macao for giving Mira a lecherous comment, and he gruffly butted in, saying that if Makarov was going for his health, it should be his duty as the grandson to "watch over the old geezer so he doesn't croak." Since Laxus was going, Evergreen, Freed, and Bickslow followed. Since Evergreen was going, Elfman wanted to come, and since her two siblings were going on the trip, Lisanna pleaded to come along. Then because it looked like it would be a party, and that meant booze, Cana decided to come with them as well.

It was not just Fairy Tail who decided to go on this trip. When Lyon heard about it, he insisted on coming to celebrate his foster brother's recovery. Since he was going, Chelia wanted to follow him on his vacation, although she insisted she was only going because she wanted to meet up with Wendy again. Her cousin Sherry went along with her, since Chelia was underage. Since Sherry was going, her fiancé Ren—reluctantly and blushing fiercely—insisted that he should go to protect his bride-to-be from lechers. When they heard that Ren was going to a resort spa, the rest of the Trimens wanted to come, so Hibiki, Eve, and Ichiya showed up, much to Erza's horror.

It turned into a large party filling much of the train, until the conductor was at his wit's end dealing with so many wild wizards running around and destroying bits of the train cars, while the Dragon Slayers all began to puke in the bathrooms.

Finally, they arrived. Erza had planned the excursion to coincide with the city's winter celebration. A fair had brought in a large crowd, and she had hoped that the atmosphere would help cheer up Gray.

Gray tried to smile. He was glad to see Lyon again, and the two sat for drinks. It was just the two of them, like old times, no Juvia around to get in the way. Then the group headed to the spa. The therapists looked at Gray's leg and sadly informed him that, although they were trained healers, an injury that severe was simply out of their ability to heal. However, they could work on his right leg. It had gotten weaker, the nerves still bothered him once in a while, so the therapists used healing stones, had him soak in mineral baths, gave him massages that he absolutely loved, and used some magical healing that would help with the scar tissue in his lungs and stomach.

While he was hopping on his crutches from one therapist to another treatment, he saw Wendy watching on intently as one of the healers held her hands over a patient, and a warm green glow shined. He smiled at the focus the little girl had, watching and learning all on her own. When she grew up, Wendy would probably become the best healer in all of Fiore.

While watching, he saw Erza come up to him.

"Are you feeling better, Gray?"

"The massage was a huge help," he admitted. "They also realigned my spine. That took some more pressure off the nerves. My right leg feels almost normal again."

"I'm really glad," she said, truly looking relieved. "I was quite worried about you. I still am." She glanced briefly to his left leg. "Is that a new brace?"

"They're letting me try it out. It uses magic to sense what the user wants to do, like … lifting the leg." His leg lifted from the knee straight upward until his thigh was parallel to the ground and his lower leg hung down. "I still can't feel anything, but the brace seems to know what I want. The crutches are only because sometimes I think of something and don't really want to do it. It'd take a lot of practice to learn how to walk in this thing better. The problem is the price."

"I can lend you the money, if it means you can walk again."

He laughed and felt happy that she offered without a single moment of hesitation. "I think even you'd have a problem affording this brace. It's really top of the line. I'd have to save up for years."

"I can't talk to Master."

"No, I don't want to take more money from the guild funds," he frowned. "Fairy Tail already paid all the surgery bills. I can't ask for more."

"For you, Gray, we'd…"

"_I don't want it_," he snapped. People paused and looked back at him in concern. Gray caught himself a second later and awkwardly apologized. "S-sorry," he whispered. "I just hate inconveniencing people. I feel bad enough as it is. If I dipped that heavily into the guild funds, I'd feel just awful. I'd rather be able to buy this with my own money."

"That's noble of you, Gray, but do let us help. You're not alone on some island."

His cheeks burned as he remembered that dream of mermaid-Natsu and the island, and of the tower on the island in the middle of a frozen lake.

"There's a party tonight," said Erza. "How about you finish your therapy, and we'll go down to the festival together."

"Sounds great. I want to see if they'll let me borrow the brace until tomorrow morning. It would be nice to walk around with everyone like usual."

"I can make the request," she offered.

His eyebrow lifted warily. "By _make the request_, do you mean hold a sword to someone's throat until they agree?"

"If that's what it takes," she said firmly.

He laughed and patted her shoulder. "Then I'll leave it to you." He hobbled forward, but Erza saw that the brace really did improve his ability to walk. Other than a limp and favoring his right leg, Gray almost seemed like normal.

* * *

><p>That night, bonfires were lit in the streets of the resort town, music played from every crossroad, and the region's famous wine flowed freely. The wizards filled the city, eating unique northern foods, playing carnival games, and dancing to the music.<p>

Gray wistfully watched the dancers. He sat in his wheelchair, although the brace did help. Still, the journey into the main part of the town was quite a ways from their hotel, so he let Erza push him there. Now, he wanted to walk around, but he was confined to the chair. He could not just leave it somewhere or a thief might steal it. He looked around to see who was closest. He spotted Wendy and Romeo sitting together, drinking ice cream floats and laughing together.

"Hey, Wendy," Gray called out. "Can I leave my wheelchair here for a bit?"

"Sure, Gray. The shop owner here is really nice, if you want to store it here while you walk around. I can ask him. I'm sure he'd let me."

"That'd be awesome," he smiled, and he patted her on the head.

"Hey!" Romeo snapped. "Don't go treating her like a little child."

Gray patted him on the head, too. "You two _are_ little children, and you should enjoy this time in your lives."

Romeo scowled at being called a mere child. "You sound like an old man, Gray."

"I've got the wheelchair already," he laughed. He felt in a good mood, and although he used one crutch to balance himself, he hobbled off toward the sound of the music.

Wendy watched him go. "I'm glad Gray can smile again."

Romeo had to agree. Seeing his guild mates depressed made him feel useless. At least Wendy could do some healing for Gray. Romeo's fire magic could not be used to assist his injured nakama, and he had no clue how to cheer people up, when he himself had gone so many years without being able to smile.

"Did you learn anything that might help?" he asked Wendy.

"I learned how to get his right leg stronger, and a way I can probably take care of his chest pains and stomach aches, but the left leg…" She shook her head. "There's only one lead."

"Really, a lead? That's great!"

"No," she frowned. "Apparently, it's an illegal healing device. The healer I talked to had belonged to a dark guild and saw this machine in use. It would definitely heal Gray, but we'd have to find the dark guild first, and … it sounded like the device … it might be really horrible," she muttered, and Romeo saw Wendy's face go pale.

"Horrible? How?"

She looked up sadly. "To make it work, someone else…"

* * *

><p>Gray was drawn to the music. He had always held back at dancing at guild parties. He could definitely dance, but it was embarrassing. Now, even if he wanted to dance, all he could do was sway to the music a bit. Although the brace let him walk, it was unsteady. He still felt like he was only standing on one leg, and something else was holding up his left leg. Still, it was better than sitting all the time.<p>

A busty brunette lady swayed up to him. "Hey there, handsome. You look like you've seen action," she smiled flirtatiously. "Are you one of those wizards who came to our town this morning?"

Gray gave the lady his most charming smile. "Yeah, I am. This," he said, nodding to the leg. "I got it fighting a dark wizard."

"Ooh! Sounds like an adventure! Does it hurt?"

"Nah!" he lied. "It's healing well. Besides, I'm not about to let a little injury keep me down."

"My, so strong." She ran her hands up his arms. "Wanna dance?"

"I won't be able to do anything fancy."

Her body slid against his. "It doesn't have to be fancy to be fun."

* * *

><p>Natsu was busy stuffing his mouth with a massive leg of some sort of fowl, juices dripping all down his shirt, his face slathered with savory northern sauce. He, Happy, Elfman, and Gajeel sat together, watching the dancing from a bench by the food vendors.<p>

"Evergreen disappeared again," Elfman frowned, eating the largest hot dog any of them had ever seen. "It's not manly to come to a party and then lose your girl."

"Where is that shrimp, anyway?" Gajeel grumbled, scanning the crowd as he munched on fried sweet potatoes. "She's always too short. If she leaves my side, I'll lose sight of her. Hey Salamander, did your cheerleader take off with my girl- … I mean … with that shrimp?"

"She's not _my_ cheerleader," Natsu grumbled with his mouth full, "and I have no clue where Lucy went. She can go wherever she wants."

"Hey, look." Elfman pointed with the massive hot dog toward the crowd. "Gray is dancing. That's manly!"

Natsu turned around sharply, flinging juicy bits of meat all around. He gulped his food down hard as he saw Gray standing, swaying in time to the music despite balancing on the crutch. He was _dancing_! Just seeing that made Natsu smile happily, but slowly his face sank. There was a gorgeous lady dancing right up against him, and Gray had a glint in his eyes that showed his desire. He suddenly grabbed the girl around her waist and leaned into her ear. Whatever he said made the woman's eyes widen, and she licked her lips hungrily.

"He's totally gonna get laid," Gajeel said, turning back to his food and ignoring the scene.

"Manly!" Elfman declared.

Natsu felt like an icicle had stabbed his heart. He turned back around and stared ahead, lost in thoughts.

Why was it hard to breathe suddenly? Why was his stomach hurting? He suddenly felt sick. Was it the food?

"Maybe I should stop eating," he muttered.

"I'll eat it if you won't," Happy offered, gnawing a fish.

"Y-yeah," Natsu whispered in a daze. He stood up and left the table.

"Are you okay, Natsu?" Happy asked worriedly.

"Just gonna walk a bit. See you tonight."

"Don't get lost," Happy called out, and immediately he focused back on his fish.

Knowing that the therapy here had helped some made Natsu happy, but as he walked away, he kept looking at the dancers. The first lady was soon joined by a second, apparently her friend, and both girls were now fawning for Gray's attention. The Ice-Make wizard looked like this was Christmas.

Natsu had gotten a glimpse into what problems Gray was having with intimacy on a personal level. He knew he should feel happy that his teammate was still attracting ladies, despite such a horrendous injury.

So why was his stomach burning? Why did his eyes sting?

"Natsu?"

He jolted and looked around to see Erza with Lucy, Evergreen, and Levy.

Lucy came forward with worry creasing her brow. "Are you okay? You look pale."

Natsu tried to look away from the girls. "Stomach hurts. Maybe I ate something bad."

"Considering how much you've been eating all day, I'm not surprised," she said, looking like she wanted to laugh and also pity him. "Don't get sick, okay? We're all heading to the onsen tomorrow."

"Rest, if you need to," Erza told him. "There will be a party tomorrow night, too."

"Yeah, maybe I will," he said, and Natsu drifted away. "Oh, and Gajeel and Elfman are looking for you two," he called back to the other girls.

Levy and Evergreen immediately turned bright red.

* * *

><p>The next day, their group headed to the hot springs. Gray could not take the leg brace with him this time. He was back in his wheelchair, annoyed that his moment of fun and freedom was over.<p>

The girls went off to their side, while the men sank down into hot water and relaxed. Gray carefully removed his thigh-high leg brace and guided his leg as he shifted in his wheelchair.

"Let me help," Lyon offered. He immediately picked Gray up and brought him to the edge of the pool. "You've always been stubborn and independent, Gray. Even as a kid, you were this way."

"That's not gonna change," Gray insisted.

"I don't think I'd want it to," Lyon admitted with a laugh. "Still, I can help this much."

Hibiki watched as Gray slowly eased himself into the water, not particularly fond of the heat, but it still felt good. "I saw you with those ladies last night, Gray."

"Oh, ladies?" Macao chuckled, sitting with the older men. "Still got it in you, eh, kid?" He gave a wink. "Gotta say, these northern girls are something else!"

"Definitely," Gray smirked privately.

"I know that look," Laxus chortled. "Got laid, huh?"

"Laxus," Freed said, blushing. "Can't you say it a little nicer?"

"Why? There's no women around. It's just us men."

Bickslow laughed loudly. "Got lucky, eh?"

Gray had to boast a little. "Gotta admit, that was my first time with two girls."

"Two!" Ichiya exclaimed. "Oh, if only my perfume worked half that well."

"Manly!" Elfman declared.

Lyon still looked worried. "And it was all right? I mean … down there. It's not…?"

"It all works," Gray assured him. "I obviously can't do _some_ things, but I don't mind if the lady's riding on top."

"Way to go," Hibiki cheered, and he bumped fists with Gray.

Natsu sat on the far end of the pool, watching and listening sullenly. Two girls. Two! For some reason, that just pissed him off more. Didn't the guy have any decency? Didn't he realize that he would be leaving in a couple of days? He would never see those girls again. Why hook up with someone if there was no time to develop love and deep feelings of emotional connection? Mating was supposed to be done with a mate, not just at random. At least, that was what Igneel had taught him. Why would Gray mate with someone he did not even know and would never see again?

Why the hell was his stomach still hurting?

"Are you still sick, Salamander?" Gajeel asked.

"Maybe," he muttered.

"Don't you dare get diarrhea in the pool."

"Idiot, I'm not that sort of sick."

"Then what is it?"

Natsu had no clue. Seeing Gray with those two girls had stirred up something. Maybe this was just another sense of rivalry. When it came to sex, Gray had Natsu beaten. Maybe this was just anger that Gray had done something Natsu had not.

Gray was pressed by some of the men into telling them more details. The ice bastard looked so damn _smug_ to brag about how he managed to pleasure two ladies at once.

Stupid, horny, perverted, stripping, exhibitionist…

"I'm heading back," Natsu grumbled, yanking himself out of the pool.

"Yo, we just got here," Gajeel said. "Are you really gonna throw up or something?"

"Who knows?" Natsu muttered, walking away. He did not want to hear anything more about Gray and those northern girls.

He dressed and walked back to their hotel room. No one was around. Everyone would probably have fun all day, soaking, shopping, maybe more dancing. Natsu just wanted to go home already. He felt sick again, and his eyes were really stinging. Natsu ran to the bathroom, but he did not vomit. Instead, a sob jolted out so strongly, it felt like his whole stomach would heave.

"Shit!" he yelled. "What the hell?"

Tears streamed down. He felt so confused, and he had no clue who he could talk to. He had been feeling weird about Gray for a while now, ever since the injury. He could not get Gray out of his head. He thought it was just being worried for his teammate, but now…

What was this?

He jumped into the shower, hoping to wash away the feeling. Instead, he imagined Gray again, his voice moaning through the bathroom, those deep grunts of pleasure, and the cries of ecstasy as he climaxed. Had Gray sounded the same way with those girls? Had he felt the same pleasure? Had it hurt? He remembered hearing for himself how doing that gave Gray pain.

"Don't do it if it hurts, you bastard," he growled, remembering the sounds of Gray's painful frustration. "Don't … don't do it … with others wh-who wouldn't understand."

Natsu closed his eyes.

_He_ understood! He would make sure Gray never hurt. He would treat him tenderly, keep Gray relaxed, softly touch him, take his time, and if anything at all hurt, he would soothe away the pain with a little heat and gentle massages. He would…

"Goddammit, why am I thinking this?" he shouted.

Natsu shook his head, trying to get the images to leave. However, he remembered the softness of Gray's lips when he had kissed the sleeping man in the hospital. He remembered holding Gray's cold, callused hand as he slept through drugs and struggled just to survive. He remembered the feel of the skin, the firmness of the muscles, the softness of flesh, as he lifted Gray out of the bathtub and held him close to dry him off with his flames.

He would treat him gently. He would never make him hurt. He would do anything to make Gray better. He wanted to protect him and shield him and heal him and _have_ him…

Natsu's hand had somehow drifted down without any conscious thought about it. He hardly realized that he was stroking himself until the pleasure trembled through his body. In a daze, he looked down at what his hand was doing.

"Gray," he moaned softly.

He would make Gray feel nothing but pleasure and happiness. He wanted Gray to smile, laugh, and have fun. Sure, he was having fun here, but … but not _this type_ of fun! Not with random girls, at least.

He wanted Gray to have that sort of fun with…

… with …

Natsu let go of his erection and slammed his fist into the wall with a growl.

What the hell was he even thinking?

With Gray? _Gray_, of all people? Him and Gray? Seriously, what the hell? Like Gray would ever fall for him!

But did this mean he was falling for Gray?

These feelings, were they … could it be…?

Natsu's legs turned to jelly, and he slid down the wall until he sat on the bottom of the shower.

"No!" he hissed. "No, this … no way. I can't be … in … No! He'd never … to me … _never!"_ Natsu shuddered as the shower water rained down and washed away the tears. "Oh God, no. Dammit, not with him. Why?" he seethed tearfully. "Why him? Why someone who … who _hates_ me?"

Natsu burst into sobs as he realized the truth. Somehow, completely by surprise, he had fallen in love with a man who saw him as nothing more than a rival and an annoyance.

* * *

><p>That night, Happy, Lucy, Erza, and Gray returned talking all at once. Apparently, they had gone on rides at the carnival, something they could not have done if Natsu was around. They all looked windblown and flushed when they entered the hotel room.<p>

"Oh, hey Natsu," Lucy grinned, seeing him sitting by the window. "Were you here the whole time?"

"Yeah," he answered quietly, staring out at the carnival lights.

"Is your stomach better?" Happy asked in concern.

Natsu just shrugged with bitterness in his eyes.

Gray scoffed. "Don't tell me you get stomach sick even when you're not on transportation! Jeez, what an annoying, lame, idiotic…"

Natsu stomped over and punched Gray so hard, his wheelchair flipped backwards. Lucy gasped, and Erza quickly dropped to Gray's side, checking his head.

"Natsu!" she shouted furiously. "He's injured."

Natsu sneered down at the ice wizard. "He's fine enough to fuck two girls at the same time."

Gray rubbed out his cheek. "What the hell is wrong with you, jackass?"

Natsu just glared down at Gray and whispered with shivering fury, "Shut up, you whore." Then he stormed out of the hotel room.

Lucy stared in shock. "Natsu?" These two had argued and fought plenty of times, but Natsu had never called Gray something that awful before. He looked truly furious, and it worried her.

"What's this about sleeping around when I brought you here for healing?" Erza said in a low, dangerous tone.

Gray looked just as angry. "What I do to have some fun is my own damn business, so _shut up!_"

Erza leaned back, honestly stunned that he had yelled at her. Lucy's eyes bugged, and Happy hid behind the Celestial Spirit wizard, crying "Save me, Lucy" and worrying that Erza might explode like an angry volcano. Instead, Erza's eyes lowered.

"Sorry. You're right. It's not our place to judge."

"Damn right it's not," he said quietly. The anger in Natsu's eyes had burned him. Gray rubbed out his brow. To have Natsu of all people snap at him like that… "Can someone get me off the floor?" he muttered.

Erza righted the wheelchair. Gray quickly rolled himself away, not wanting to be in the same room as the girls. He went to the bedroom, shifted himself over to the bed, stripped out of his clothes, and yanked the covers over him. The boasting pride he had felt that morning had all been stripped away by Natsu calling him a whore. Now he felt awful.

Did others think badly of him? Were they indulging him merely because he was handicapped now? Had those girls merely taken pity on him? Why had he agreed to a threesome, anyway? He normally was not that sort of guy. He just felt like he had to prove to himself that he could still be a man. Especially after that dream about Natsu sucking him…

Oh God, that dream!

He had almost forgotten about it, but now it came surging back. That might have been part of it. He needed to prove to himself that he was still a sexually healthy and _heterosexual_ male. He had agreed to those two ladies because he needed to know he still had it in him. If he had not been injured, he probably never would have just played around with two women he did not even know.

Was it all just to prove himself? Was it selfish and vulgar? Was Natsu right in calling him a whore? He had _bought_ those ladies' time with drinks, sweets, he bought each a bracelet they had been eying, and in return they gave him a night of pleasure. He could not even remember their names now. Had he even bothered to ask?

"Goddammit," he whispered. "What I do is my own business … flame-brain asshole."

* * *

><p>Natsu walked swiftly from the hotel and out toward the festival. Ladies called out to him. One asked if he was interested in a <em>good time<em>. He glared at all of them. What was with the ladies in this northern town? Were they that desperate for sex? What was so great about mating? Natsu did not want some random mate. He wanted a lifelong commitment. That was what Igneel said a mate should be.

So why did he feel this way about Gray?

He needed to escape these thoughts. He went in search of Cana. If anything could make him forget this pain deep in his heart, it was getting completely drunk, and the best way to do that without people questioning his reasons was to challenge Cana. Right then, that was all Natsu wanted: to forget, to drown out these emotions, and to purge himself from the pain of knowing that he had lost his heart to a person who would never love him back.

He just wanted to forget.

He wanted to end these lonely cravings.

He wanted to put Gray completely out of his mind.

"Yo, Natsu!"

He turned slowly at the drawling call and saw Cana slumped at a table surrounded by empty beer mugs and wine bottles. She appeared to be quite drunk, even for her.

"Challenge ya!" she shouted out, sloshing a beer mug out at him.

Normally, drinking against Cana was a sure loss, and Natsu was not a heavy drinker. However, he walked over and sat in front of her. With fiery hard eyes, he declared, "Challenge accepted.

He want to forget, no matter what he did to numb the pain away.

**End of Chapter 9**


	10. Care For You

"_Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word."  
>― George R.R. Martin<em>

* * *

><p>Chapter 10<p>

**Care For You**

Gray rolled his wheelchair into the guild hall. He saw Natsu sitting in a corner, drinking something strong, his eyes already glazed with inebriation although it was barely in the afternoon. Lately, this scene had become such a standard, people glared at Cana to blame her for it. She insisted, she was not the one who suddenly turned the Fire Dragon Slayer into a beer-guzzling, depressed sloth. No one was even sure when it began. Some time after the spa trip, he just started to lose himself in alcohol, and it worried a lot of people.

Gray scoffed that Natsu had taken up drinking all of a sudden. He was an idiot, but now he was a drunk idiot. Gray was about to go over to Elfman's table, but instead, for reasons he did not fully understand, he maneuvered over to Natsu.

"We need to talk."

"No, we don't," Natsu said gruffly, hiding half his face inside a mug.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gray shouted. "You've been avoiding me for two weeks, ever since the trip up north. Look, if sleeping with those girls bugs you that much, it's my life, so I can do what I want. Do you really think I would care if you went around sleeping with girls? I don't care. It's your business. So this, what I do, it's my own damn business."

"You're right," Natsu said softly, sipping his drink. "It's none of my business. What I think, what I do, it doesn't matter to you at all. You don't care. You don't even like me, so why should my opinion mean anything."

Gray sighed and rubbed out his head. "It's not like that, stupid." He looked worried as Natsu took another sip. "What the hell are you drinking?" He leaned forward, sniffed, and pulled back with disgust. "Oh God! Is that a whole mug of pure whiskey?"

"So what if it is?" Natsu slurred out.

"You never drink things that strong." Gray's brow furrowed. "Seriously, are you okay?"

"Okay?" Natsu mumbled. "Why do you care if I'm okay?"

"Sheesh! I'm just trying to be friendly here, but you know what? Screw you, ash-breath! You're not a fun drunk." Gray folded his arms and glanced around, trying to figure out which group would cheer him up and make him forget his troubles with the Fire Dragon Slayer.

Natsu stared waveringly into his drink. "How can you do it?"

Gray glanced over in annoyance. "What was that?"

"Pick up girls. Pretend you're okay. Pretend like it never happened. How can you bounce back so fast?"

"What other choice have I got? Be celibate? Stay depressed? You're the one who pointed out that I need to stop acting like I'm totally helpless."

"Yeah, but … but still…" Natsu's head dropped heavily down to the table. "Never mind."

"Exactly. Never mind it. I'm doing what I can. It's a living hell, but I'm trying, and I don't need you patronizing me."

Natsu just grunted, forced his head back up, and took another deep sip of the alcohol. "Hey, Gray? What did you mean back then?"

"When?"

"That day. Do you remember that day?"

"Which day?"

Natsu muttered numbly. "That day. Getting shot."

A memory flashed through Gray's mind. Pain. Agony. The fear of death. "I … I don't like to think about it."

"You said something that day. It bugged me for a while, and then I forgot about it. I've been remembering it again, though. You were trying to talk."

Gray cringed as the memories stabbed him. "Natsu, don't."

"You said, 'Don't forget,' but first you were trying to say something else. I couldn't make it out, and it really bugged me. You were trying to say something, right there at the end, and I couldn't figure it out. 'Cay-fuh-ouu' or something like that."

Gray's eyes widened in shock, and he sat back a bit further in his wheelchair.

"Careful?" Natsu wondered, his head groggy with alcohol. "Careful of what? What was it you were trying to say?"

Gray snapped in irritation, "I was dying, okay? I have no clue what I was trying to say. Just let it go, you ash-for-brains idiot!"

"I won't let it go until you tell me, ice princess." He leaned right up into Gray's face, and his breath reeked of whiskey. "What were you saying? Careful of what? What shouldn't I forget?"

"I don't want to talk about it. That day … I hate remembering it. I seriously hate it. So don't … don't _ever_ bring it up again. Just get drunk and pass out like the idiot you are and leave me alone."

Natsu sank down in his seat and frowned at the alcohol in front of him. "Gray…"

"Shut up!"

"I wanna tell you…"

"I said shut up! You're drunk, Natsu."

Natsu dropped his head, staring ahead with a melancholy face. Gray sighed in frustration. Obviously, the Dragon Slayer was drunk and wanted to talk. Maybe he needed to. Gray had spoken to plenty of counselors and psychiatrists while still recovering in the hospital, people who helped him get over his suicidal depression. Natsu had only Happy, and obviously the Exceed was too immature to talk about things like this.

Gruffly, Gray grumbled, "What is it?"

Natsu sadly looked away and whispered, "Nothing."

"Well, come on. You wanna say something? Go ahead," he snapped petulantly.

Natsu took another drink and muttered under his breath. "Damn stubborn popsicle."

"Tell me!" Gray snapped, getting annoyed. Drunk-Natsu was not funny at all.

Natsu set his cup down too hard and swung over to Gray with narrow, fiery eyes. "I had to deal with it, okay?" he shouted.

Gray looked confused. "Deal with it?"

"With you!" Natsu yelled, his voice nearly cracking.

Gray leaned back from the alcohol smell, worried that if Natsu used his fire now, he might set the whole guild on fire. However, there was not the slightest flicker. Maybe Natsu could not use magic when drunk. What the hell was he going on about this time? A few people in the guild fell silent and glanced over in concern.

"I'm the one who had to watch you get hit, unable to get to you in time. I…" Natsu looked away, and for a moment Gray wondered if he was already drunk to the point of vomiting. However, rage continued to consume the teen. "I … had to stick my hand … inside your _guts _… and cauterize the arteries," he sneered, staring down at his fingers, vividly remembering that day. "I had to … _feel_ your intestines!"

Gray flinched, and his stomach tensed up out of instinct.

"Don't you think that _maybe_ that did something to me?" Natsu dropped his head and ground his teeth. Since that day, the smell of blood brought back horrific memories. Tears began to bead up in his eyes. "I had to … to carry you … with your leg practically _hanging_ off your body." Natsu shuddered as that long walk, carrying a friend he feared was going to die, replayed in his mind.

Gray's face was pale. He knew Natsu had carried him from that battle all the way back to a hospital. He never thought about how traumatizing that experience was for the rest of the team. Only now did he realize that the whole team had been hiding their own mental anguish, so Gray did not have to feel even more guilt.

Softer, but still seething, Natsu asked, "They never told you, did they?"

"Told me what?" he asked, wondering if he really wanted the answer.

Natsu took a sip of alcohol to calm himself before he really began to sob. "When you were in surgery, the doctors ran out of blood. The whole trip to the hospital, you were hemorrhaging everywhere. By the time we got you there, you weren't even bleeding anymore. They said you didn't have enough blood in your body, and there was no way you could live. Then they needed to do more surgery, but … but they _couldn't_. There was no blood, and you were nearly completely bled out. So I told them to give you my blood."

Gray blinked in shock. "You … donated blood?"

Natsu nodded with a seriousness in his glazed eyes. "They … they were saying they could only take half a liter, and I kept insisting to take two liters, and they were all 'you're gonna die if you give that much,' and … _you know what?_" he yelled, and now the tears really were in his eyes. "I didn't give a fucking care!"

The whole guild was dead silent now, everyone watching. Lucy had tears in her eyes as she remembered that day. Erza's eyes were closed as the guilt of having taken off from the others to chase one of the dark wizards returned. Wendy trembled as she remembered her desperate attempts to revive Gray when he had died for a moment there on the battlefield. Happy looked down solemnly, remembering how Natsu had been so weak after donating blood, he could not even sit up in bed for a day.

Natsu's chest shuddered, and he angrily wiped the tears away. "I … I just wanted … to save you," he whispered. "Because I had to see you half dead. I couldn't get to you in time. I'm the one who had to watch … who had to _see_ that, and … God, Gray! I don't ever wanna see that again," he wept, feeling sick as the scene ran through his head, "and I will do anything—_anything_—to help you."

Tears choked in his throat. He wanted to reach out, touch Gray, and show him how strongly he felt about this. However, he realized they were surrounded by Fairy Tail members. Natsu could not stop the tears anymore, but he still needed to say these things that had burned in his heart for far too long.

"If giving you my blood was just enough to save your life, then I will give anything to bring your life back … _completely_," he insisted in solemn determination. Quietly, he repeated in an oath, "I'll give anything to have you back in Fairy Tail. And I mean _anything_," he sneered, "because I was the one who reached into your body." His fists shook. "I was the one … who had to carry you back … and I don't ever wanna deal with that again. I don't … I _can't _… deal with that again. I can't deal with almost losing you. I just … can't."

Gray stared, trapped somewhere between awe and anger. "Natsu," he began quietly, but the anger crackled instantly. "You have no idea what I've been through. You have … _no_ … _idea_ … how something like that feels." Gray looked aside, but the inner rage—and fear—was still there. "Remember when we faced the dragons in Crocus? There was this moment where … I don't even know what happened: got a flash of the future, some premonition, or maybe … I dunno," he raged, although he knew Ultear must have been involved. "I _saw _… and I _felt _… myself being killed, shot through the chest, through the body, through my fucking _head_! And _that day_, I had to relive that. That nightmare came true! And in that weakest moment of mine, _you_ were the one who had to see me. I was defeated, and _you_ rescued me."

Natsu glanced up. He had heard Gray talk about that day in Crocus, but he never stopped to realize the implications. In that alternative future they had all experienced, Gray had died, and although it did not happen, the memories were still there, the sensations buried in his mind, feeling what it was like to die.

Gray scoffed and shook his head as he saw Natsu with an oblivious face. "Do you think you're all cool? Do you think seeing me bleeding was traumatic?" He sneered in a hiss. "Try getting a _hole_ blasted through your fucking body! Try being told you'll never walk again. Get your guts blown to bits, and _then_ you can cry to me. For right now, you're just the person who forced me to live on in shame. So stay the hell away from me." He sighed and looked away sadly. "Just … stay away."

That strange dream returned to his mind. _"How much do you want your legs back? What would you give me? I'll do something about it. I'll make you whole, Gray. That's what you want most, right? I'll heal you, Gray, but it'll cost you. I want something better than just sex. I want to be your first love."_

"I don't need your help," Gray whispered harshly. "I don't need you at all."

That stung deeper than anything. "You just need your fuck buddies, right?" Natsu said scathingly.

"Shut up!" Gray roared, slamming the drink out of Natsu's hand in rage. "What the hell is your problem? So I slept with a couple of girls. So fucking what?" he bellowed. "At least I can. At least … at least I…" Something bubbled up from deep within him. His stomach almost surged on him, and his hand went up to his mouth.

Natsu looked at him in worry. "Gray?"

"I _can't_," he screamed. "I … I couldn't…" He spun his wheelchair around and rolled out in anger.

"What the…? Gray, you bastard, don't run off."

Natsu chased after him and caught him in the courtyard outside the guild. He yanked the chair to a halt and slammed on the break to keep Gray from wheeling off.

"What the hell was that about?"

"It hurt too much, okay?" Gray screamed. "Those two girls … doing that with them … it hurt too much. I got them off, but they … to me … they couldn't! Two girls, and they couldn't! Because it was painful as hell. I can't even have sex!" he screamed. Gray gnashed his teeth and dropped his head. "Goddammit, I wish you really had just left me there that day."

Natsu balled his hands into fists and looked at Gray with blazing anger in his eyes. He turned Gray's wheelchair around a bit harshly so he could look in his face as he shouted, "Are you telling me I should have left you to die, abandoned you, watched you get killed, and do nothing to avenge Fairy Tail's pride? Are you saying I should have sat around at the hospital, knowing a way to save you was right there in my veins, and do _nothing_? Why?" he screamed. "Just because you can't have sex? Is sex that important to you?"

"I'll never be whole, Natsu. Never!" he shouted with tears in his eyes. "You will _never_ know what this is like."

"Dammit, Gray! I won't sit on my ass and do absolutely nothing while my teammate bleeds to death, and I won't sit around and listen to you crying that you wish you were dead! I'm not about to watch as you slip away from me again." His eyes tightened in pain, but he continued, asking, "I saved you because you're my friend. Are you telling me you wouldn't have done the same for me?"

"If you want to die…"

He pulled Gray's shirt harshly and gritted his teeth. "No! I know you. You're like me. You'd sacrifice anything to keep one of your friends alive. You wouldn't sit back and watch them die. You wouldn't! You _wouldn't_!"

Gray grabbed Natsu's hands to stop them from shaking him. "Let go of me, asshole. Get the hell away from me!"

Gray did not want to continue this conversation. He knew Natsu had a valid point. He had too many bad memories of losing those he loved: his parents, his childhood friends, Ur, so many over the years. Still, it did not make him feel better simply by knowing that Natsu had done what any Fairy Tail wizard would do.

"Every day," Gray seethed. His hands clasped together, and a magical chill frosted around them. "You have no idea of the hell I'm living _every fucking day!_"

Lucy and others from Fairy Tail finally came out as they heard the commotion in the courtyard and the argument still raging. They stepped out just in time to see Natsu being pushed back by a ramming slab of ice. He flew backwards and slammed into the stone wall encircling the guild grounds.

Natsu furiously leaped back up, ready to run forward and fight. His eyes widen when he saw Gray's body shaking. Slowly, he pushed on the arms of the wheelchair and rose to his feet. His balance was off, his left leg was held up only by the thigh-high brace, and he stared down at his legs in disgust.

"Do you see this, Natsu?" he growled. "I can't even get up and beat the crap out of you. What do you want me to do? Tell me how I should be feeling! Should I be optimistic? 'Yay, I'm alive, I can't do a _fucking thing_, but I'm alive!' Is that how you'd feel in my place? _Is it_?" he roared.

Natsu stared at him, panting at the emotions raging within. "Death isn't an end to the pain. Death is surrendering any hope that things might get better."

"You know _nothing _of pain, Natsu!" Gray growled angrily, and his eyes started to tear up. "Living a life of constant agony, a never-ending hell, always reminded of that day, every little thing I do forcing me to realize that I lost my leg, lost my ability to fight … I lost my _life_ that day."

Natsu cringed as he wished he knew how to get the ice-idiot to understand. "Gray, you're still alive. So long as you're still alive, there's still hope."

"No. There's nothing. Nothing more the doctors can do. No more miracle operations. Nothing is left for me. I can't walk, can't fight, can't even have sex. A life in a wheelchair, invalid and impotent…" His chest shook with tears he tried to hold back. "This isn't what I wanted."

"We don't always get what we want," Natsu shouted. "We take what fate gives us and we make the best of it. If we don't like it, we suck it up and find something that we _do_ want."

"What I _want_ is to have my _life_ back! I'd give _anything_."

The dream replayed in his mind again.

"Anything," he whispered in anguish. "Hell, I'd give away my soul to a demon if I could get my leg back."

"And I'd give you my own leg if I thought it would help shut you up," Natsu screamed. "I'd give my life to save you."

In the doorway, Wendy gasped and covered her mouth, shaking her head with fear.

"I'll do something about it," Natsu insisted stubbornly. "Whatever it takes. I'll figure out a way to heal you."

Dream-Natsu echoed in Gray's ears. _"I'll heal you, Gray, but it'll cost you."_

"Like hell I'd agree to that!"

Natsu cocked his head in confusion. "Agree to what?"

"No!"

Suddenly, the wheelchair moved from the outburst, and Gray lost his balance. Natsu saw Gray falling and raced over to catch him. He dived forward, barely grabbing Gray in time. Natsu collapsed to the ground, using his own body to break Gray's fall.

Gray cringed in pain. He glared up at the sky. He had stared at the sky on that day, wanting to fly away into it and away from the pain. Now he was stuck here, and the pain never fully went away.

Natsu's face leaned down over his, those sage-green eyes tense with distraught, just as they had been on that day. "Are you okay?"

Gray scowled and looked away. Why was Natsu always getting into his face? Why was he always there when Gray felt weakest?

To the side, he heard mutters of worry. He looked over and saw the crowd that had gathered to watch.

"Don't you see, Natsu?" Gray whispered in shame. "Just look at them. Those are the faces I see all the time. That's what I'll see for the rest of my life." He scoffed in disgust. "Do you really think I enjoy living with those faces always staring at me and seeing nothing but some pitiful cripple?"

"Huh?" Natsu looked over to the guild hall door. The members of Fairy Tail stood back and watched, feeling sympathy for Gray. Natsu saw the pity in their eyes, and for a moment he felt anger. Why would they look at Gray this way? Why were they staring? It annoyed him. Then he wondered how Gray must feel about seeing these looks all the time.

"I hate it," Gray whispered. He buried his face into Natsu's chest, wanting to avoid those stares. "I hate how they stare at my legs. I hate the whispers. I hate feeling like I'm living only to having everyone feel sorry that I'm even alive."

"They don't feel that way!" Natsu vehemently protested. "All of us are glad you're alive."

"And you all pity me. You all think I can't do things, I shouldn't do things, I'm too weak to do things. And you're right! You're all correct about that. I'm weak. I can't walk. I can't do the things I used to do. I couldn't … with even two girls … I still couldn't!"

Natsu felt Gray's body shaking with anger and sadness. He glared over at the others and screamed at them, "What are you all standing there for, huh?" He looked at them, begging with his eyes that they understand and leave them alone.

Erza saw the look and nodded in understand. "Back inside, everyone. Stop being rude." The group turned at her orders and slowly shuffled back into the guild hall.

Gray gulped down sobs. He did not know which was more humiliating: his guild mates hearing his outburst about his dark feelings and surrounding him with pity in their eyes, or crying in the arms of the man who he just bellowed at and having his rival now comforting him.

Just as the emotions began to drown him, Gray felt Natsu tighten the grip on him. "They're gone. Just cry. It's only me here, and I already know you're a crybaby idiot, so … just cry, Gray. Let it all out while it's just us here."

"I … I won't…"

"It's all right if it's only me," Natsu said softly, holding him and stroking back the black hair. "You hate me anyway, so you can hate me for seeing you like this. It's fine if you hate me."

Gray buried his face down into the scarf as his shoulders shook. "Natsu, you bastard!"

"Yeah, like that," he smiled placidly.

"Not … gonna … cry."

Natsu rolled his eyes. "Of course not. Just be gross and cover me with snot."

"Asshole," Gray whispered, but he lost to the tears of frustration. "I really do hate this. I hate you! I hate having fun and liking that I'm alive, and then being in pain and hating my life. One or the other!" he screamed. "If it was just one or the other, I could know if I want to live or want to die."

"I won't let you die," Natsu said firmly, his hand stroking down the soft hair, holding Gray in a firm grip. "You're going to keep living and keep holding on to hope."

"Damn you," he cursed in a whisper.

Natsu lowered his lips to Gray's ear and whispered, "If you find hating me is a way for you to release your emotions, then hate me, curse me, and keep living so you'll be strong enough one day to beat me up. I'll wait."

"If I ever get my leg back, the first thing I'm doing is kicking your ass," Gray mumbled into the scarf.

Natsu smiled and squeezed him. "I'll give you one free shot, but after that I'm not gonna let you win." He looked down and saw Gray's bad leg twisted at a weird angle. His brow tightened at the sight of it. "I'll find a cure. Wendy said she has a lead, some dark guild that might have the answer. I'll search for them, for any magic to help you, even if it costs me my life."

Gray's eyes widened, and he gritted his teeth at Natsu's adamant words. "Why … why are you always like this?" he sneered, feeling overwhelmed with happiness that he did not want to feel, not toward Natsu at least.

Natsu just smiled at him. "How else should I be?"

"You should be an idiot. Stupid and patronizing and … and … and not like this."

Natsu gently placed his hand on the side of Gray's face, affectionately caressing the peachy soft skin. "Maybe I want to be like this, Gray."

The tension in Gray's face softened to shock. "What?" he whispered.

Natsu opened his mouth to speak, but the words choked off in his throat. His hand yanked back as if startled that he had done such a thing. Gray felt a chill as those burning fingers left his face.

"Nothing. Forget I said anything," Natsu said in a rush. "I'm just drunk. Sorry if that was weird." He picked Gray up quickly and placed him on his wheelchair. "Is that comfortable?"

"Um, y-yeah," he muttered in a daze. "Natsu … you…"

The Dragon Slayer suddenly turned his back and began to walk away from the guild.

"Hey, wait!"

Natsu stopped and slowly looked over his shoulder. Gray was still stunned, unable to find the words to say. His fists drew up, and he looked aside with annoyance.

"I … care for you."

Natsu's eyes widened and his heart began to race. "Wh-what?" he gasped.

"That day. That's what I was trying to say. I was dying. I didn't want you to think I died hating you, so I … I wanted to say just that much before the end. We fight, we're constantly at each other's throats, but … but I don't really hate you. I may say I do, but I don't. Not really. I … care for you."

"Really?" he asked in abetted hope.

"Of course, idiot! Dammit, Natsu, you're like the brother I never had. You're annoying as hell, but we're teammates, we're friends, we're family, we're … like brothers. Or more. I dunno," he said in frustration. "Before I died, I just really wanted you to know that. I wanted to assure you that I didn't hate you. I care for you … in my own way," he mumbled. "So even if I say that I hate you, even if we fight and beat each other up, don't forget. Okay? Don't forget that, deep down…" A reluctant smile wavered on Gray's lips. "…I care for you."

Natsu's lips shivered with emotions that boiled up from his heart. "Gray," he whispered.

"Oh, don't be all sobbing and sentimental like one of Lucy's romance novels," he snapped. "I'm just letting you know, that's what I said. Also, about that day: I'm sorry you went through hell, too. It must have been miserable on all of you. Maybe I don't show it enough, but I'm glad you all did so much to save me. I might not like how my life is, and it's damn depressing at times, but still, I'm glad you all worked so hard just for me. You could have just left me."

"You know we would _never_ do something like that."

Gray smiled privately. "Yeah, I know. Fairy Tail is just that way, all of us." His brow tightened. "But now I feel gross, knowing I have _your_ blood running through my veins. That's just _wrong_!"

Natsu laughed and sniffled. "At least I didn't have to donate a kidney."

"Having you inside me would be weird."

He froze as soon as he said it, and Natsu went utterly still, his heart fluttering with perverted thoughts. They both blushed and looked in opposite directions.

_'Me … inside Gray?'_

Gray laughed awkwardly. "Wow, that came out totally wrong."

"Y-yeah," Natsu laughed stiffly. "It'd definitely be … strange, right?"

"Yeah, it would be really weird," Gray muttered. He cautiously glanced up at Natsu and saw the blush on his cheeks. Gray trembled as he realized his heart was racing. "Natsu? Um … have you … ever…"

Before he could say more, Natsu ran off. "Gotta go, see ya!"

"Wait," Gray yelled, but the Dragon Slayer was much faster than he could roll his wheelchair. All Gray could do was watch the fluttering of the white scarf as Natsu sped away. "Dammit, you idiot," he whispered. "Why do you make me think the weirdest thoughts? Stupid flame-brain asshole!"

* * *

><p>Natsu ran off with tears in his eyes.<p>

"Stop it. Just stop!" he gnashed in anger at himself. "He cares for me … as a brother. Just as a brother. So stop thinking that way!"

He ran, but suddenly Natsu turned sharply into an alley. He wanted to make it home before this hit him, but the pain in his heart overflowed too soon. He hid behind a dumpster, hoping he was out of view from the public.

"Dammit!" he yelled, and he punched the graffitied wall. He collapsed against it, arms folded and hiding his head in the nook of his elbows. "Goddammit! Why … why him? He said he cares for me, but only as a brother. It'd be weird. He said so. It'd be _weird_!"

His shoulders shuddered, and he screwed his eyes shut tightly to try and dam back the tears.

"Me, inside Gray. How ridiculous! Me, inside him. My … thing … Goddammit, stop thinking about it!" he screamed as tears dripped down against his will. "Shit!" he whispered. "It'd be _weird_. He'd never want that. Not with me. He said he can't. Those girls, he couldn't with them. But … me … if it was with me…"

For just a moment, Natsu indulged in the fantasy. He wanted to lay Gray on a bed, touch him gently, treat every inch of his body with care, warm him up slowly, steadily, until the fire burned so greatly inside that icy heart, it would melt everything until his lust dripped out. He would soothe the pain, kiss away the aches, until only gentle and wonderful pleasure remained.

Gray would see that he could enjoy sex. He would realize he was not impotent. Natsu already knew he wasn't! He had heard it, smelled it, eavesdropped on the truth. Perhaps it hurt, but Gray could still experience that sort of bliss. He just needed to take his time.

Those girls must have tried to hurry him. Two girls at once was probably just too much. Natsu would take all the time Gray needed. He would go as slowly or as hurriedly as Gray asked. He would touch only as much as Gray could handle. Still, he wanted to touch, to lick, to feel that icy body grow hot in his hands, melting, dripping, that overflowing pleasure covering his hand as he slowly stroked Gray…

"Stop it!" he sobbed.

They were fantasies that he knew could never come true. Once before, he had dreams of happiness that were shattered. Once, he imagined that he would grow up to marry Lisanna, she would be his wife, they could raise Happy together, maybe even have kids of their own. Those boyish delights, so innocent and naïve at the time, were crushed the day Lisanna disappeared, presumed dead. The pain then was the same pain as now.

Except, Gray was right in front of him. He wanted that happiness, yet he could see those dreams freeze and shatter right in front of his eyes.

Right at that moment, Loke was walking down the street with a lady he met just that morning. He paused when he glanced down the alley and noticed the pink hair. He was about to call out to Natsu, but he faintly heard a sob. Loke slowed down. For a moment, he worried it might be about Lucy.

"I've gotta run, babe," he said to the girl. "I'll see you Friday night." He gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then he turned into the alley. "Natsu?" he called out softly.

The Dragon Slayer jolted and quickly wiped his eyes. "L-Loke!"

"Is everything all right?"

"Y- … um … not really," he admitted. "Hey Loke, have you ever genuinely been … um … i-in love?"

"Sure I have," he shrugged. "I might admire all sorts of ladies, but I've lost my heart to a few of them. Lucy, for example."

"What if they don't like you back?" Natsu asked. "Or, has that never happened to a popular guy like you?"

"It has. Again … Lucy, for example," he said with a bitterly wry smile.

Natsu frowned and looked down. "How do you deal with the pain?"

"I find another girl who helps me to forget about it. Don't tell me someone turned you down? Wait, was it Lucy?" He sounded hopeful. If Lucy rejected the Dragon Slayer, perhaps she was ready to accept the Lion!

"Not Lucy," Natsu muttered, and Loke's hope sank. "It's … it doesn't matter who," he grumbled, too embarrassed to admit it was Gray Fullbuster. "That person doesn't like me that way. We're just like … like siblings."

"Is that what she said?"

Natsu nodded silently, staring at the uneven brick floor of the alley.

"Ouch," Loke whispered. "Sounds like you need some serious man time."

Natsu looked up in confusion. "Man time?"

"You just got turned down. Let's show you that there are more fish in the ocean." He wrapped an arm around Natsu and pulled him out of the alley. "I know just the place."

**End of Chapter 10**

* * *

><p><em>AN: It's currently late January 2015. Way back in October 2013, I had already planned this chapter, or a part of it at least. (That's how long I've had "Life After Near Death" in my plans.) I recorded the scene stuck in my head in what turned out to be an incredibly emotional outburst that I attempted to capture here in writing. If you want to hear just that brief recording, it's on Soundcloud.  
><em>

_soundcloud com/rhov/life-after-near-death-chapter_


	11. Unexplained Pain

"_One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside."  
>― John Lennon<em>

* * *

><p>Chapter 11<p>

**Unexplained Pain**

By the end of the week, the whole guild had heard the rumor.

Natsu and Loke were seen at a strip club!

Although no one was surprised at all to know that Loke frequented a place like that, nobody could believe at first that Natsu had been there, too. Not only that, but apparently he had taken an interest in one of the dancing girls.

"Natsu?" Lucy exclaimed in shock, staring at Mira as she heard the rumor. "That idiot who has no interest in women was with a stripper?"

Gray overheard her and looked over sharply. No interest in women? What a thing for Lucy, of all people, to say!

Mira nodded. "I asked Loke, and he said it was true. Apparently, Natsu got dumped, so Loke took him there to cheer him up."

Gray jolted even harder. Natsu got _dumped_?

"Wait," Lucy laughed stiffly. "Dumped? Does that mean he was dating someone?"

"Hmm, I don't think so," Mira wondered, tapping a finger to her chin. "Loke said he was dumped, but maybe it was just that he confessed and the girl turned him down." Mira gave a scheming smile to Lucy. "Would _you_ happen to know anything about that?"

"N-no!" Lucy cried out, blushing slightly. "That is, it wasn't me. He has never confessed anything to me … other than the fact that he's hungry," she added in a mumble.

"Aw, too bad," Mira sighed. "I was hoping."

"What do you mean, _too bad_?" Lucy cried out, turning an even brighter shade of pink. "Hoping what?"

Gray turned away. Natsu confessed to someone? He was dumped? He hooked up with a stripper?

He rolled his wheelchair over to Elfman. "Hey, do me a favor. Pinch me."

Elfman raised an eyebrow, shrugged, and pinched Gray hard on the arm.

"Oww!" he cried out, and he saw a bruise already coming up on the spot. Damn, that was a hell of a pinch! "Okay, so this isn't some bizarre dream."

"Do you mean about Natsu?" asked Elfman.

Gray looked up sharply. "You heard?"

"I think everyone has by now. Mira has been going on and on about it. I don't see what's the big deal. Strip clubs are manly!"

Lisanna hit her big brother on the back of his head as hard as she could. "How would you know?" she shouted. "I'm telling Evergreen."

"I … not me. I've never been in one of those clubs. Just … they're the sort of place a man goes to, right?" Elfman said defensively, rubbing out the hit.

Lisanna slumped down. "I can't believe Natsu would, though. It just doesn't seem like him."

Gray watched the sadness on her face. Everyone knew that she and Natsu had something when they were kids. Even if it was nothing more than a cute, childish crush, it was the talk of the guild for years. People made bets about how old they would be when they finally started dating. Those rumors fell silent when Lisanna was presumed dead. Now, some still whispered, debating if Natsu would pick Lucy or Lisanna.

"Why did you turn him down?" Elfman asked. "I thought you still liked him."

Lisanna jolted and went bright red. "What? M-m-me?" she stuttered. "I didn't … that is … he didn't say anything to me. I wasn't the one he confessed to. Besides," she blushed coyly, "if Natsu did confess something like that to me, I … I wouldn't … umm…" Her voice faded with embarrassment.

Gray looked aside. So, it was not Lucy, and it was not Lisanna.

_"You should be an idiot. Stupid and patronizing and … and … and not like this."_

_"Maybe I want to be like this, Gray."_

Gray reached up and touched where Natsu had caressed his cheek that day. Could it be, that had been Natsu's way of confessing?

Lisanna went on, "I heard the lady said she just wanted to be friends, and she thought of Natsu as a sibling."

_"Dammit, Natsu, you're like the brother I never had. You're annoying as hell, but we're teammates, we're friends, we're family, we're … like brothers."_

"No way," Gray whispered. He covered his mouth. It couldn't have been that, right? No way!

"So," asked Elfman, "where is Natsu now?"

"He left town."

Gray jolted back over into the conversation. "He left?" he shouted in a panic.

Lisanna blinked her blue eyes in surprise at the outburst. "He's been leaving a lot. Haven't you noticed? He comes home barely long enough to pack more clothes and goes off again. I heard he's searching for a way to heal your leg. It's really sweet of him to care for you that much."

_"We fight, we're constantly at each other's throats, but … but I don't really hate you. I may say I do, but I don't. Not really. I … care for you."_

"Gray?"

He shook his head. What Natsu did with his life, who he had fun with, why he had been doing things totally out of his nature like drinking and clubbing, none of it should matter to him. It was Natsu's life. If Gray could go to some northern town and pick up two girls at once, Natsu could go to a strip club and hook up with a dancer. Fuck him!

Gray rolled his wheelchair over to the bar. "Mira. Something cold and strong."

"Gray, with your stomach still bad…"

"Just fix the drink," he snapped softly.

She frowned, but she began to reach for some alcoholic ingredients.

* * *

><p>An hour later, Erza came into the guild hall fresh from a mission.<p>

"Hey, Titania!" Gajeel called out. "Did you defeat that mountain monkey or whatever it was?"

"It was more of a baboon than a monkey, and it was not a difficult task."

"Oh yeah? Then why do you reek of your own blood?"

"This particular monster had fairly sharp claws. It's nothing."

Wendy trotted up to her. "I can heal it so there's no scar."

"Thank you." She Requipped into a skirt and tank top, and they saw the bloodied bandage wrapped around her upper arm. First, she walked over to where she saw Gray sitting. "This way—" Erza leaned over to whisper secretively into Wendy's ear. "—perhaps you can do a little healing on Gray as well. He doesn't look too good."

"Oh," Wendy muttered. "Um, he's … drunk. He's been drinking all afternoon."

"In his condition?" Erza said in shock. "I thought the doctors warned him not to drink to excess. His liver was severely damaged."

"Mira has tried to warn him many times already," Wendy pouted. "Perhaps I can heal the liver if you distract him. He's been really cranky today."

"Sheesh! Gray used to be mellow with his emotions, almost cold. That near-death experience sure has changed him."

Wendy nodded in sad agreement. Even she had noticed how Gray changed. "It's understandable, especially with his disability. Natsu as well. He saw Gray get hit and couldn't get to him in time. He did a lot that day to help me save Gray's life, but … I could tell it was hard on him. He's changed, too."

"It was traumatic for both of them," Erza sighed. "I think the whole team suffered. We haven't done a mission together since that day. Even Lucy is either doing solo missions or teaming up with Levy or Cana, and you've been teaming up with Romeo a lot more."

Wendy's face went bright red. "I-it's not like that at all. We're not teaming up any more often than other people."

Erza patted her head. "He's part of your generation, Wendy. It's good to be friends with people your own age. Sort of like how Gray, Natsu, and I were good friends when we were young."

Wendy muttered to herself, "The two of them wouldn't call it being _good friends_. More like they were terrorized by you." However, the redhead did not hear her whisper.

Erza walked over to Gray and took a seat with him. "How are you feeling today, Gray?" she asked in a worried yet firm voice while Wendy sneaked up behind him to start the healing.

"I'm doing fine, Erza. You don't need to worry about me." His voice was calm but tainted with a hint of bitterness as he sipped more of his glass. The alcohol burned down his throat.

"Should you be drinking that?" Erza asked, eying the amber contents.

"So what if I do?" he slurred. He tipped the drink back, downing all of it, and slammed the glass onto the table. "Another glass, Mira."

"Gray!" Erza scolded.

Mira came forward with a mug while giving him a hard look. "This is your fourth one, Gray. I'm cutting you off after this."

He muttered something under his breath, likely calling her a foul name, and took the drink.

Erza gave a sigh as Gray began to drink. He yawned and rubbed his eyes as the alcohol started to take effect. He felt tired and weary, but at least the inner turmoil had calmed down.

Over by the bar, Laxus walked up to Mira and nodded back over to Gray's table. "What's up with him?"

Mira's lower lip puckered sadly. "Both Gray and Natsu have begun to drink a lot over the past few weeks. It's really worrisome."

Hearing her fretful tone pissed off Laxus. "Hey, snowflake," he shouted. "Sober up. You're making Mira upset."

Gray glared at the Lightning Dragon Slayer but said nothing. If he said the wrong thing, Laxus would zap him, and he could not leap out of the way. Not anymore. Not with his leg paralyzed. He might have chanced it once, but he felt powerless now.

Erza quietly stared at Gray for a long time. The expressions on his face, those silent torments, made her feel sorry for him. "Gray," she said, and she put her hand on his knee. "We're all here for you."

Wordlessly, he glanced down at her hand. Erza followed his gaze and realized she had rested it on his left leg. She jerked her hand back quickly.

"Sorry about that."

He shrugged laconically. "It's not like I can feel it. You could stab me there and I wouldn't feel a thing."

"Don't give up. Natsu is running around trying to find a cure for you."

Gray gritted his teeth, and the empty glass in his hand frosted over. "It's a waste, Erza. Natsu's wasting his time. He's nothing more than an idiot who can't accept reality."

Erza's patience cracked, and the fury of the Titania raged. "Do you have any idea how much Natsu's done for you?"

"He cauterized some arteries and donated some blood. Big deal."

"He donated three times more blood than a normal person should, and he jump-started your heart when the doctors had given up and were ready to pronounce you as dead. Then when you needed more surgery, he donated even more blood! He has not given up on you, Gray. Even when the experts said you would die, Natsu did everything to keep you alive. Now he's willing to do anything to heal your leg."

"It's a goddamn waste!" he shouted. "I know how bad my leg is. I'll be talking with the doctor next week. We're going to discuss options for amputation and a prosthetic."

"Gray!"

"At least I'll be able to walk," he yelled. "The doctor says that maybe some of the pain will go away. Maybe then, my life can start to go back to normal. Right now, this is as good as I'll get." He looked down at his drink, which had completely frozen solid into a lump of ice. "Have you noticed that I don't strip anymore?"

Erza's mouth dropped. Come to think about it, Gray had not removed his clothes in public since leaving the hospital.

"I hate those scars," he muttered in anguish, clenching his teeth. "My leg looks totally fucked up. My stomach … and my chest," he said, lightly touching where he knew he had a round scar where the dark wizard had pierced through his chest and lung. "I hate seeing them. I don't want to show those scars. Scars I get from battles where I win, that's one thing, but these … they show to the whole world how I screwed up, that I lost, and I should be dead!"

"Are you still blaming Natsu for saving you?" Erza asked angrily. "You know very well, any of us would have done the same. We don't leave our friends behind!"

Gray turned aside to ignore her. Erza clenched her hand. She suddenly grabbed the front of his collar, surprising Gray and making him drop his frozen mug.

"When we entered the guild, we knew the risks that come with being a wizard," she shouted. "We were prepared to die in order to protect Fairy Tail and those in it. Did you forget that, Gray? _Did you?_"

Mira walked up to her and took the Titania's shoulder. "Erza, calm down."

Gray stared wide-eyed as Erza's words sank in. She was right; when he joined Fairy Tail, although he had been only a child, he knew that the life of a wizard would be dangerous, and missions could be fatal. He also knew that he had risked his life many times to rescue his guild mates. Some never fully recovered. Others healed only after many years. He was no different now.

Erza saw the solemnness dim Gray's eyes, and she slowly released his collar. Gray cursed under his breath and looked away stubbornly. He lowered his head as his mind began to race.

Erza sat back down and said quietly, "We are all here for you, Gray. Don't shut yourself out. Natsu is doing his best to help you. You know he cares about you a lot, right? And you care about him."

Gray looked up sharply at Erza.

_"Even if I say that I hate you, even if we fight and beat each other up, don't forget. Okay? Don't forget that, deep down, I care for you."_

"You know he would do anything for you."

Natsu's tearful words repeated in his head. "_I will do anything—anything—to help you._"

"Natsu's been exhausting himself lately," Erza went on. "Don't make it harder on him, Gray. He worries about you."

"Sure! He worries so damn much," Gray muttered caustically. "And that's why he's off screwing strippers, right?"

Erza's eyes grew huge. "He's … what? Natsu?"

"You've been gone, so I guess you haven't heard. Sure, Natsu goes off searching for some mythical medical miracle for me, but do you know where he goes when he comes back to Magnolia? Strip clubs! He took a fancy with some strip dancer, and he's probably banging her every chance he gets."

For some reason, that hurt deep inside. On one hand, Gray felt a sense of relief. He had almost started to think that Natsu was gay, and maybe—totally unrealistically, of course—he was attracted to Gray. That was utterly preposterous, but he had begun to wonder why things just seemed … off. If Natsu really was in love with him, how weird that would be!

_"It'd definitely be … strange, right?"_

_"Yeah, it would be really weird."_

But if Natsu was screwing strippers, maybe his suspicions were all wrong. Maybe Natsu just had an odd sense of humor, or maybe Gray was seeing things that were not there, because he felt just a little desperate after his failure with the two girls in that northern town. Maybe he just wanted to pretend that someone—anyone—would want him that way, despite the leg and his troubles with performance.

However, Natsu was straight. He even said, it would be strange. Now, he was hanging out at a strip club. Gray should feel relieved. If Natsu was in love with him … hell, what would he even _do_? How could he respond? Even if he was desperate, this was _Natsu_!

So why did he feel angry to learn that Natsu hooked up with a girl? Why should he even care?

_"__Look, if sleeping with those girls bugs you that much, it's my life, so I can do what I want. Do you really think I would care if you went around sleeping with girls? I don't care. It's your business. So this, what I do, it's my own damn business."_

That's right! He had yelled at Natsu, Erza, and many others who harassed him about hooking up with someone while injured. Why should he even care if Natsu hooked up with some random girl?

No … not just someone random. A stripper!

Why did that make his heart freeze even colder?

Gray left the guild hall, slightly drunk and going slowly. The good thing about being in a wheelchair: at least he did not fall flat on his face when drunk. Instead, he rolled unevenly, sometimes almost out into the street. He just wanted to get home and away from the stares of people in town who were probably wondering why he was weaving so badly.

Up ahead, he saw a flash of pink and a flutter from a white scarf.

"Natsu?"

He rolled faster. He wanted to talk to the Dragon Slayer. He was not even sure what he wanted to say, but he wanted to speak with him, maybe ask him just _why_ he agreed to go to a strip club with Loke.

Just as he was close enough to shout, he saw a girl approach Natsu. She was gorgeous! Her breasts nearly exploded out of a clinging red blouse, her ebony hair flowed down in waves to her waist, and despite the chilly weather, she wore a tiny leather skirt and fishnet stockings with crimson heels that looked impossible to walk in.

Wait … was she the stripper? If so, she must be damn popular at her job!

Gray sat there, frozen as he watched Natsu smile at her. She laughed at something he said, leaned over, and gave him a kiss on the cheek, right there in public.

Gray felt like he had just been punched in the gut. He looked away, cringing inside, not wanting to see this.

Why not? Why should he care? _'Yeah, why should I care what that bastard does?'_

Instead of leaving, he angrily grabbed his wheels and rolled across the street, glaring as he approached the couple. It sounded like Natsu was listing various restaurants. Did that mean he was about to go on a date with her? He had not even returned to the guild hall yet since coming home from his search.

Suddenly, the two turned and began to walk away.

"Yo, Natsu," Gray shouted. The Dragon Slayer and the lady stopped and looked around. Gray knew he had to say something, but … what? What right did he have to intrude? Why was he butting in? He looked over to the lady and asked her, "Is he bothering you, miss?"

"Who, him?" she asked, wrapping her hands around Natsu's muscular arm. "We're just going on a date. Natsu-dear, who is this guy? Do you know him?"

Natsu scowled and looked away. "He's the idiot I was telling you about."

"Oh!" she said softly. She eyed Gray up and down, looking mildly surprised. "Well, charmed to meet you. I'm Rei-chan."

Gray figured he could at least be civil to a lady. "Gray Fullbuster. Are you and Natsu … a couple?"

She giggled softly, and Natsu began to blush. "I suppose so."

Suppose so? What the hell did that mean?

"I guess you could say I'm … an instructor," she said, giving Gray a wink.

Natsu jolted at that. "Rei-chan!" he cried out, looking mortified.

Gray gulped down his stomach. An instructor? Was she teaching Natsu about sex? Was that it? Was he maybe paying her? Why would someone as good-looking as Natsu need to stoop so low as to hire a prostitute?

Wait, did he just think Natsu was _good-looking_?

Icing his emotions, Gray practically sneered, "Well, good luck teaching that knucklehead anything."

"Oh, but he's such a _very_ good student," she said sensually. "He _devours_ anything I give him, just eats it right up and wants more." Her eyes delved into his. "He has … _quite_ an appetite. For _knowledge_, of course!" She let one of her fingers trail along Gray's arm. "He's so desperate to learn, he wants anyone to be his instructor." She leaned over closer to Gray. "What could _you_ teach him?"

"Not a damn thing," Gray said, glaring caustically at her.

She clicked her tongue and shook her head. "Don't short-change yourself, dear. I think you've been around the classroom once or twice."

Gray's face flinched at the metaphor, what it implied about his promiscuity, and he stared frostily at her.

"Or could it be you're still a student? Maybe you still need to learn some things about yourself, lessons you've never learned, subjects you've never dared to study." She eyed him up and down. "I could teach you."

"I'm not desperate enough to hire a prostitute."

"I never said I'd fuck you," she smiled sweetly. She placed her hands on the armrests of his wheelchair and leaned in closer to him. "I could teach you. Give you lessons. Help you study. Decipher what those dreams are about."

Gray's eyes widened in terror. "What dreams?"

"I'm no mind reader," she assured him, "but we all have dreams, desires … fantasies."

An image popped into Gray's head: the dragon prince, the fiery gaze, those burning hands… His breathing quickened, and he briefly glanced over to Natsu, who was staring at the lady in cautious confusion.

"Oh?" she whispered with a lick to her crimson lips. "Interesting. You, Gray-dear, intrigue me. I would definitely love to take you in as a student."

"Rei-chan!" Natsu shrieked.

She stood up as if she had said nothing at all and walked back to Natsu's side. "Just chatting, dear. No need to get jealous."

Gray stared straight ahead. He was the one with weird fantasies. Here was Natsu with a gorgeous woman on his arm, and Gray was the one thinking of homoerotic fantasies. He shook his head. No! They were just dreams, just stupid dreams! He glared at Natsu. Damn him! Damn him for putting weird thoughts into his head!

Natsu saw hatred in those droopy blue eyes. "Gray…"

"You better watch out." He gave the woman a cold stare. "That lady is poisonous. Don't come crying to me when you get your heart broken."

"It's not like…"

"I don't care," Gray shouted, cutting him off. "Didn't I tell you before? It's your business. I … don't … care." He glared once more at the raven-haired beauty. "Just watch yourself." He spun the wheelchair around and rolled off furiously.

Rei-chan chuckled to herself. "I can see why you fancy him, Natsu-dear."

"Why did you say all of that?" he yelled furiously at her.

She put a hand on her shapely hip, completely unaffected by his anger. "Why not? I'm teaching you _lots_ of stuff, right? But to teach you correctly, I have to study the subject as well."

"Yeah, but … Gray … he…"

"He isn't in love with you yet, Natsu-dear," she deduced, looking like she pitied him. "But I think he's getting there. He needs more time, and you have much more to learn. Now, shall we go? Your stomach is growling so cutely."

She began to walk away with a sway to her hips. Natsu looked back to Gray as he rolled away in the wheelchair. Those narrow eyes tightened in anguish, but he shook his head. He could not say anything, not yet.

"Natsu-dear! Anything the matter?"

"No," he whispered, slowly turning away from Gray. "It's nothing."

**End of Chapter 11**


	12. Dragons and Devils

_"My friends, it is wise to nourish the soul; otherwise you breed dragons and devils in your heart."_  
><em>― Carl Jung<em>

* * *

><p>Chapter 12<p>

**Dragons and Devils  
><strong>

Natsu sat alone at the guild hall bar with a mug in his hands. Once again he was drunk, although it was barely three in the afternoon. No one went up to him. They knew from past experience, Natsu got wild when drunk, and he tended to be destructive, even more so than normal. It was best to let him drink and brood by himself.

Lucy, Erza, and Happy sat together discussing the issue. Although he was at a table with Juvia, Gray was still within hearing distance. As he heard Natsu's name repeated many times, he became more interested in what his teammates had to say rather than the prattle Juvia was telling him.

Lucy pouted as she saw the blue Exceed frowning despondently at his fish. "Happy, how's Natsu? He looks … um … preoccupied," she said, putting it delicately. "He's always exhausted, and whenever he's here, he's drinking. Has he been resting recently?"

Happy shook his head. "No, I'm worried about him. He doesn't sleep much. He goes off alone on missions, and when he comes back, he's immediately with his girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Lucy asked.

"Do you mean the stripper?" Erza looked disapproving as she questioned this.

"Aye, the pretty dancing lady. When he comes back from hanging out with her, he immediately starts to drink. He keeps saying he wants to forget, but I don't know what he doesn't want to remember. Then before I know it, he's leaving on another mission, and he doesn't want me to go with him. He's going on another mission tonight."

Erza's eyes widened. "But he just came back this morning."

"And he's drunk," Lucy muttered. "He's been drinking since he got back."

Happy frowned. "Something is really wrong, but he won't talk to me. He used to always talk to me about anything. Why isn't he talking to me this time?" Happy whined sadly as tears gathered in the corners of his massive eyes.

Lucy patted his furry head and frowned in pity. "Why does Natsu keep going on missions?"

"They're not really missions," Erza explained quietly. "Wendy heard about a healing machine that is in the possession of a dark guild. The problem is, no one can find this guild. They don't have a central hub. Even if you find one member, that person likely doesn't know where the others are, and if the other members get alerted, the whole guild will go into hiding. He has to catch the right member, and he only has one shot. It's a needle in a haystack hunt, and a single mistake can ruin our chance."

"And _Natsu_, of all people, is doing this?" Lucy asked in surprise. "Why? He's anything but subtle. His idea of finding a needle in a haystack is to burn down the whole haystack!"

"He's driven on," Erza said, looking over at the pink-haired man. "It's almost an obsession."

Out of the corner of her eye, Erza saw Gray roll his wheelchair towards Natsu. Here was another friend who had been having a hard time lately. At least Gray was getting better, getting out more, laughing, and interacting with others. Maybe whatever the Ice-Make wizard had figured out with his own depression would help snap Natsu out of this dark pit.

"Gray," she whispered. "I hope you can deal with him now."

Gray stopped right beside Natsu. Since the Dragon Slayer sat on a raised barstool, Gray was much shorter. "Oi, Natsu!"

Natsu drank his glass in one go, feeling the burn slide down his throat. He could not look at Gray right then. "Sorry, Gray. I'm busy."

"Busy how? Getting drunk?" Gray hated having to look up and having Natsu just ignore him. "Hey, look at me when you grumble."

Natsu turned his head away sullenly. Without warning, he stood up.

"Hey, wait." Gray grabbed Natsu's wrist to stop him from walking away. "Where do you think you're going, flame-brain?"

Natsu's eyes widened, and he looked back in shock. Gray was using that nickname that used to anger him, but right then it no longer mattered. He almost sounded like the old Gray again.

"Man, when was your last bath? You look like hell and smell like old shoes."

Natsu just stood there, staring in shock at Gray. How he missed his teasing!

Gray smirked haughtily. "With the pathetic state you're in, I can easily beat your ass."

Natsu's eyes softened. "Gray…"

The Ice-Make wizard suddenly grabbed Natsu's hand. Natsu felt his heart give a thrilling leap at the cold touch of those nimble fingers, but then Gray froze the Fire Dragon Slayer's hand to the wheelchair.

"You're coming with me." He forcefully yanked Natsu along as he rolled out.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing, you kinky bastard? Are you suddenly into bondage?"

"What the … NO!" he shouted. "Just shut the hell up and follow me!" He rolled his wheelchair out of the guild hall.

Left alone, Juvia drifted over to Erza, Lucy and Happy. "Isn't Gray-sama so sweet, helping out like this?"

Lucy nodded. "It's definitely a change from how he normally is around Natsu."

"Not really," Erza shrugged, forking some of her cake into her mouth. She chewed thoroughly before saying anything more. "They're going to fight."

Lucy's head snapped over in shock. "What? Fight? How do you know?"

"I've known them for a long time," she said reflectively. "They'll fight, and whatever the problem is, they fix it that way."

Lucy groaned and shook her head. "I swear! Men!"

Elfman butted in out of nowhere. "Solving your issues with your fists is manly."

* * *

><p>Gray and Natsu went outside, a far distance from the guild. Natsu followed reluctantly, knowing he could have easily broken free from a little ice, but he also liked Gray being bossy again, like how they used to act when they were younger. He had always hated when Gray attempted to order him around just because he was a "senior member" of the guild, and at any normal time Natsu would have punch Gray for freezing his hand like this, but he was just glad that Gray was talking to him again.<p>

He soon realized Gray was heading toward the river where they always fought as children. Gray released Natsu's hand from the ice and carefully rolled down an embankment, with Natsu holding the back of the wheelchair so it would not tip over. Finally, they were both down by the water's edge.

"Pure magic, no physical fighting. Your magic against mine. Don't you dare go easy on me," Gray said, and he wheeled himself to face the Dragon Slayer. "Fire and ice: which is stronger?"

Natsu chuckled and cracked his knuckles. "When was the last time we ever did a purely magical fight?"

"I don't know if we ever have. Our challenges usually turn into fist fights. You'd have too much of an advantage in that, so purely magic."

"Challenge accepted." Natsu took a deep breath. "Fire Dragon's…"

Gray clapped his hands together. "Ice-Make…"

"… Roar!"

"… Shield!" Gray defended against the massive blast of heat. "And now: Lance!" His arms extended forward, and numerous spears shot out of the shield at the Dragon Slayer. Natsu dodged most of them and melted a few that got too close. He leaped backwards to escape the barrage.

"Nothing physical! Purely magic," Gray shouted. "That means defense, too. If you can't stand your ground and defend with your own magic, you lose."

"Bastard. Fine!" Natsu planted his feet firmly in the sandy riverbank. "In that case, I'm not moving from this spot. Fire Dragon's…"

Gray was quicker. "Ice-Make: Ice Geyser!"

Spiky towers of ice blasted up from the ground, and since he did not jump away this time, the ice imprisoned Natsu.

"Gotcha!" Gray smirked.

"… Iron Fist!" Natsu burst the ice into pieces, creating a shower of tiny shards. "This really isn't fair. I don't have many ranged attacks."

"Then maybe you should get stronger and learn a few," Gray said snarkily.

"Asshole!" Flames swirled and wrapped around both of his fists. He brought his hands together above his head. "Fire Dragon's Brilliant Flame!" The two fireballs united, grew massive, and Natsu's swung the massive globe of flames through the air before releasing it at Gray.

"Crap," Gray sneered. He could normally jump out of the way, but that was not possible this time. "Fine! I'll show you what my dad taught me. Ice Devil's…"

"Shit," Natsu cringed, worried what Gray might do with his new Demon Slayer magic.

"Instantaneous Freeze!"

The humongous ball of fire itself froze, flames and all. Natsu's mouth dropped.

"Frozen flames?" he whispered.

"Stop gaping like a caught fish or I'll shut that mouth for you. Ice-Make: Knuckle!"

A giant fist shot up from the ground and punched Natsu in the jaw. The Dragon Slayer went flying up into the air and backwards.

"N- … No way! Dammit!" Natsu spat blood out from his mouth. "Fine, you wanna really fight? No holding back at all! I don't care if you're injured. You're going down, ice princess." Fire engulfed one hand, but then the other hand crackled with yellow lightning. "Dragon Slayer's Secret Art Revision! Crimson Lotus: Exploding Lightning Blade!" He swirled around, the magic extended with his speed, and a vortex of flames and electricity swirled through the air, destroying everything in its path.

"What the hell?" Gray whispered, in awe by the destructiveness for just a second before realizing he really could get killed with an attack like that. His hands clapped together. "Ice-Make: Snow Globe!"

A bubble of ice encircled his entire body. Still, the electricity went right through the solid water and zapped him painfully. Gray cried out, and as his focus wavered, the globe shattered. He was saved from the flame, but the lightning left him numbed.

"Now I've got you where I want you," Natsu grinned. "Fire Dragon's…"

"Ice Devil's…"

"Roar!"

"Rage!"

Both breathed fire and ice from their mouths. The two elements collided and exploded in a burst of steam that pealed the bark right off a nearby tree.

Gray was too close. He was unable to leap aside, and the shockwave from the explosion hit him at full force. All he could do was raise his arms and make a quick but feeble shield of ice, no time to reinforce it. He gritted his teeth, but despite his shield, Gray was pushed backwards by the blast. His wheelchair flipped, and he slammed his head into the ground.

Natsu took this chance. He leaped on top of Gray and bound his wrists above his head.

"Surrender, bastard!"

Gray struggled to get out of his grip, but Natsu did not let him go. When it came to sheer physical strength, Natsu had some advantage. "Fine, fine. You got me," he conceded.

Natsu grinned, perched atop his foe in victory. Then slowly, his triumphant eyes softened with yearning. "I missed this," he whispered.

Gray looked up at him in surprise to hear loneliness rather than gloating. "Squinty-eyes?" he whispered.

Natsu stared intensely. He felt the sinewy tendons in the wrists his fingers gripped so firmly, and between his thighs were the rippled muscles of the Ice-Make wizard's abdomen. Gray's chest heaved and fell with fast breaths, and Natsu could feel every movement. His own shadow cast down, shading Gray's face, yet those blue eyes caught some sunlight. They gleamed stormy silver-blue, like a winter sky. With his whole body, Natsu felt the coldness radiating around Gray, easing the flames, cooling his wild side, yet stoking up a deeper fire in his soul.

Gray began to feel uncomfortable as Natsu continued to sit there and stare at him. "H-hey, let me go," he said quietly.

Natsu backed up. "Oh. Sorry." He released Gray's wrists and climbed off of him. "I'll, um … I'll help you get back up."

Natsu uprighted the wheelchair and lifted Gray, settling him back in the seat.

"Are you all right? You didn't break your skull, did you?"

"Nah, I'm fine. This still sucks," Gray muttered. "Can't even do stupid stuff like getting into a chair on my own."

"Well, you can fight."

"I lost."

"Only because it went beyond magical and turned physical."

"Nah, if I can't even escape the aftereffects of my own magic, I count that as a loss."

"Maybe, but then I jumped on top of you, so that's physical, too." Definitely physical. Natsu knew he was going to have dreams about straddling on top of Gray now … dammit. "I don't have any good magic to bind you, so that's about all I could do to keep you down."

"Idiot. You could have burned me to a crisp in an instant. I was down, I couldn't get back up. That's the worst part of this," he said, lightly punching the armrest of the wheelchair. "If I'm flipped, I'm like a goddamn turtle."

Natsu gave him a mournful look. "Gray…"

"No! Don't! Don't you dare try coddling me. It was my loss, and I concede."

"Have it your way," he shrugged. "It was a good fight."

Gray tried to hide the happiness, but a smile still slipped out. "Yeah, it was. I haven't gone all out like that in months."

That tiny smile lit up Natsu's heart. When had Gray ever looked so sexy simply by smiling? Natsu forcefully averted his eyes before the flush of the fight turned into a blush of arousal. "You're probably a lot weaker since you stopped training," he said in understanding. "We just need to find a new training regimen for you, something that works. You could specialize in long-range fighting, that way you never have to get out of your chair. Don't worry, you'll learn to compensate, and you'll get stronger. It'll take time. I can practice with you, if you want."

Gray thought about it. Natsu really was the best person to help make him stronger, but … something felt uncomfortable. When Natsu was pinning him down, Gray had felt his heart race.

"No," he muttered, unable to meet Natsu's eyes. "I think I need to focus on healing my body. Magic can come second."

"Oh," Natsu muttered, feeling stung by the rejection. "I … I can help with that, too. I _am_ helping. I've been going around to different towns, asking about that cure Wendy heard about."

Gray arched an eyebrow. "Are you still spouting on about this? A cure for having fifteen centimeters of nerves, tendons, and muscles blasted out of my leg? How does that even work? The doctors insisted that there was no hope."

"Dunno how it works, honestly," Natsu shrugged. "It's some illegal form of regeneration magic, or something."

"Illegal?" Gray shouted. "Are you a total idiot? The last thing I want is some dark magic cast over my body. I'm screwed up enough as it is without some dark guild's godforsaken healing machine messing with what's left of me."

"The magic isn't evil. It just isn't legally approved by the Magic Council. They're interested in it, though. If it's really such a miracle machine, they want to see if it can be duplicated safely. It could save lives! Makarov got me a special permit to hunt out their guild, find it, and confiscate it for the Magic Council. Of course, if we _happen_ to use it first―you know, to make sure it's really what we're looking for―no one can blame us for wanting to be certain."

Gray looked aside. "Do what you want. You're wasting your time, though. The leg is dead. I really should have them chop it off and give me a new one."

"Don't talk like that!" Natsu scolded.

"I'm serious. A prosthetic would at least let me walk. Actually," he admitted with a frown, "I've already talked about it with my doctor. We're setting up a date for the amputation. It'll be some time in May, since the warmer weather will make healing easier."

"No!" Natsu shouted. "Don't go chopping off your leg, not when we're working hard to fix it."

"It's not going to get better."

"You don't know that! Give me time to find this medical device, Gray."

"Fine, but you have only until May."

"Three months," Natsu muttered. "I'll need to talk to Erza." He turned and ran off.

"Hey!" Gray shouted, but Natsu had raced up the riverbank and disappeared. "He left me," Gray said in shock. "That idiot! I don't even know if I can get out of here." He began to roll slowly up the sandy sides.

Suddenly, Natsu came skidding back down the bank, ran up to Gray, and lifted the entire wheelchair up over his head. He ran laughing maniacally, spouting flames from his widely opened mouth, with Gray jostling along high above him.

"What the hell are you doing?" Gray screamed, grabbing the armrests of the chair in a death grip as Natsu bounced him down the road.

"It's strength training. Training, training!" he cheered. "Who needs weights or dragging around boulders when I can lift a stripping glacier over my head."

"Put … me … _down!_"

**End of Chapter 12**


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